Exciting Game
by Mitaretai
Summary: American Idol. Kradam! Kris Allen is roommates with Adam Lambert, but their relationship continues to change and things keep going a little too far. It's scary, but exciting, and Kris kind of likes it.
1. Exciting Game

Ok so FFnet hates EG. This story got deleted because it's against the rules to write about actual real people. Oops!

I'm really upset though.. cuz I lost all those great reviews you guys left. :( Whyyyyyyyy

So I'm just posting it again. If it gets deleted again, so be it. :)

It's all on my livejournal though!

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"Whew, what a crazy day," Kris hummed as he walked into the room that he and Adam shared.

Adam yawned. "Yeah, this whole thing is just crazy. I can't believe how busy we are all the time," he said as he lay down over his bed.

Kris plopped on to his bed, next to Adam's. "It's great though. Who would've thought? We're on American Idol, man." He smiled and ran a hand through his soft spiky hair.

"It's amazing. What an experience," Adam agreed, looking over to smile back at Kris.

Their eyes locked for a brief second, and Kris looked away shyly. "Yeah," he agreed. Adam smiled again.

Kris had been doing this for a couple weeks; he didn't know why eye contact with Adam made him so uncomfortable. It felt sort of intense, and he could never meet Adam's eyes for too long. It was almost like staring at the sun.

Adam leaned over to pull his laptop from the table onto his lap. Kris sat on his bed, untying his shoes as Adam started clicking around.

"So, my friends told me to google myself…" he began with a laugh.

"Are you serious? You really googled yourself?" Kris asked. Almost everyone he knew had warned him about it, told him not to.

Adam paused, looking at the computer. "I think I may get voted off soon," he finally said, biting his lip with a small smile and keeping his eyes on the screen.

"What? Why?" Kris sat up and craned his neck, trying to get a glimpse of what Adam was looking at.

"Some pictures of me on the internet," Adam said, turning his eyes to Kris.

Kris's eyes and widened and his mouth hung open dumbly. "Like what? Naked pictures?" he asked, shocked.

Adam burst out laughing. "No, no! Not like that. They're just… well," he said, giggling still.

"Just what?" Kris asked, trying not to sound so curious.

"Well… are you sure you want to know?" Adam smirked with amusement and lifted his eyebrows, still looking at Kris to judge his response.

"As long as it's not you naked or something, man," Kris said, laughing. "What is it?" He got up and walked over to Adam's bed, placing his hand on Adam's headrest.

"Okay," Adam said, smirking. He typed "adam lambert" into the Google image search.

Several pictures of Adam performing on American Idol loaded, and Kris looked at each, waiting to see something out of place. Then a few more loaded.

"Woah," Kris said with a laugh, taking a step back. "Is that you?"

Adam just laughed and scratched at his forehead. The pictures were of Adam kissing another man.

"Okay, okay," Kris said, laughing with Adam. He tried not to stare at the pictures, but his eyes were still fixed on the screen. "So you're gay, big deal. Now I bet America's probably gonna make a big thing about it…"

He'd known already that Adam was gay, he could sort of tell, but seeing pictures of it was something else. Adam closed the internet browser and Kris asked, "Do those pictures bother you?"

"Of course not," Adam giggled. "That's just me. I mean, I don't need to hide who I am, that's just… who I am! Yeah it'll suck if America freaks out about this, though."

He sighed, and then pointed up to Kris' face "I'm a little surprised you're not," he stated.

Kris chuckled again. "What? Why would I freak out?"

"I just thought you may not be as accepting since you're Christian," Adam said, still looking up.

"No way, man. Love is love, you know?"

"Totally," Adam said with an enthusiastic smile, obviously very pleased that Kris saw things his way. They stayed in that position for a few seconds; Kris standing by Adam's headrest smiling uncomfortably, and Adam beaming up at him.

After a short—and slightly awkward—silence, Kris walked a few steps to sit back on his bed. He leaned back on his elbows. "So you were like, really great tonight," he said, changing the subject.

"Thanks! You were, too!" Adam said sincerely. "Everyone here is just so talented."

"Yeah, but seriously," Kris said again. "That version of Ring of Fire blew my mind. You're so freakin' like… creative!"

"I really loved it too," Adam said, grinning. "I loved the judges' reactions." He let his jaw drop into a surprised face to mimic them, and then laughed.

"How do you perform like that, man? It's so incredible, and like…" Kris trailed off, looking at Adam in wonder.

"Like what?" Adam asked, lifting an eyebrow.

"I dunno, like it's weird to say. But kind of like… sexy. How do you do that?"

Both men fell into laughter. Kris put his hand over his cheek. "Sorry, man, I had to ask!"

"Well I don't know, it just comes natural to me!" Adam said, in between laughing fits. "But I'm flattered you said that, though. I love it when people think my music is sexy!"

Kris was still laughing when Anoop's head suddenly appeared in the doorway, and he knocked twice on the inside of their open door. "Guys, you're having way too much fun in here. We all need to sleep," he said, chuckling at the sight of them.

"Right, sorry," Adam said, still laughing slightly. "We'll go to sleep now." He looked at Kris. "You ready for bed?"

"Absolutely," Kris said lazily, stretching his arms.

Anoop left, and Adam walked to the light switch to flick it off before climbing under his sheets.

"Gooood-night," he hummed.

"Night, Adam," Kris replied.

Fifteen minutes slowly passed, and Kris was still awake. He usually didn't have any trouble falling asleep, but his eyes wouldn't stay closed. Adam shifted in his bed and turned over with a quiet sigh. Kris wondered if he was having trouble sleeping, too.

"You still awake?" Kris whispered, soft enough so it wouldn't wake Adam if he actually _was_ asleep.

"Yeah," Adam said quietly, surprised. "You can't fall asleep?"

"I guess not," Kris said. He was just as surprised as Adam was; he never had a hard time getting to sleep. "What about you?"

"It's normal for me," said Adam with a smile. "I usually don't fall asleep for a while. I don't know why."

"Aw, that sucks, man."

Kris sighed sleepily and Adam looked over at him, thinking. "Do you get a lot of fan mail?" he asked suddenly.

"No, not really," Kris responded, chuckling lightly at the random question. "Why?"

"Really? I bet you'll get a ton of it soon." Adam said, smiling.

Kris drew his eyebrows together. "Why do you say that?"

"You're a good-looking guy. All the girls are gonna be crazy about you," Adam giggled.

Kris let out a quiet, airy laugh. "Yeah, sure. Nothing like you, though. I bet you get mail from girls nonstop."

"I get a little," Adam said quietly, thinking. "You think I look good?"

"Well yeah, I mean, look at you," Kris whispered, trying not to sound so serious. He didn't want to give Adam the wrong idea.

"What about me?" Adam asked with a small smile.

Kris thought for a few seconds in silence. He looked down and laid his hand over his head. "Let's not get weird," he said finally, his voice amused.

"It's not weird if you think a guy's attractive," Adam said. He sat up and propped his head up on his arm, making his sheet fall downwards a little, exposing some of his chest. He watched Kris closely to judge his reaction.

"Sure, I guess," Kris said, his eyes falling onto Adam's chest without his consent.

Adam ran his hand through his hair, very slowly, and let it travel down his neck, and trail over his chest, without much of a thought. Kris, almost fully under his covers and in the dark, assumed that Adam couldn't see him watching. He couldn't seem to look away.

Adam's hand still wandered around over his chest and shoulders, slowly rubbing and circling. He moved around a little more deliberately now, and Kris still watched breathlessly.

"Am I freaking you out?" Adam asked quietly.

"A little." Kris' shaky voice was lower than a whisper.

"Sorry," Adam said, letting his hand rest on the bed. More silence. "It's what I do," he added. "I'm good at freaking people out."

Kris looked at Adam's neutral expression before his gaze dropped to Adam's chest again. "S'all right," he said quietly after a few tense seconds passed.

"Hmm," Adam replied as he lay back down. "Okay, I think I'll go to bed now."

"I thought you couldn't sleep," Kris said quickly. He hadn't meant for it to sound like an objection, but it kind of did.

"We need to get up early tomorrow, so I need to sleep sometime," Adam said, yawning.

"…All right, goodnight, man," Kris said. He didn't move from his position, but he let his eyes fall shut, vaguely wondering what the hell just happened.

-----

The next morning came too soon. Lil, Danny, and Anoop came to wake them up at the crack of dawn.

"C'mon!" Danny said, kicking Kris' bed. "You guys need to get up."

Kris rubbed at his eyes and Adam groaned loudly. "Too early!" Kris grumbled.

Adam soon rolled out of bed, saying, "I gotta paint my nails so they have time to dry…"

The other three contestants in the room laughed together. "That's the first thing that goes through your mind in the morning?" Anoop joked. "…Your nail polish? Really?"

Kris got out of bed, too. "Need to shower," he said sleepily.

Adam walked to the bathroom to grab his nail polish, and Kris followed him in soon after.

"You wanna paint your nails, too?" Adam asked playfully. "You'd look so hot."

Kris laughed, his eyes still half-closed with tiredness. "Yeah, I don't think so."

Adam laughed, too, unscrewing the cap to the bottle as he walked out of the bathroom. Kris closed the door behind him and turned the shower on before undressing. After a few minutes, Adam came back to knock on the bathroom door.

"Yeah?" Kris half-shouted over the sound of the shower.

"Can I come in for a sec?" Adam asked.

"Sure."

Adam opened the bathroom door and put his bottle of nail polish down on the counter. He took out the polish-soaked brush and ran it over a fingernail.

"So…" the older man began. "I forgot to ask you this earlier."

"What's up?" Kris asked from the other side of the shower curtain. Talking to Adam like this was easier since he didn't have to worry about eye contact.

Adam paused, and dipped the brush back into the bottle, examining his left hand at the same time. "Could you not tell anyone about last night?" he asked, just loud enough so Kris could hear.

"Sure, man," Kris answered automatically, and then stopped. "Wait… what about last night?" Flashes of Adam the night before, shirtless and staring at him while his hands trailed over his own skin, flew back into Kris' mind. His heart pounded a couple times.

"You know, those pictures I showed you. I just don't want everyone looking at me differently," Adam said.

"Oh," Kris answered, relieved. "Yeah totally. That's fine."

A minute passed as the Kris rubbed shampoo into his hair and Adam finished painting the nails on his right hand. "How come you told me?" Kris eventually asked.

"I'm not sure," Adam admitted honestly. "Not like I want to hide that I'm gay from everyone or anything like that. I just hope they don't see the pictures and get freaked out about them.

Kris suddenly felt the need to reassure him. "You know I don't look at you any different, right?"

"Aww, thanks!" Adam said, appreciatively. "Was it a big surprise to you, though?"

Kris thought for a second. "No, not really. I was more surprised at the pictures themselves, not at the fact that you like guys…" He trailed off. "Now that I know, it doesn't seem too surprising."

"Cool," Adam said, and Kris jumped a little; Adam's voice was a lot closer than it had been before.

"Yeah," Kris added.

"Okay, I'll get out of here before I stink up the whole room with this nail polish." Adam said, and Kris could hear the smile in his voice. Adam screwed the cap shut, careful not to let anything touch his wet fingernails, and slowly opened the door.

"Okay," Kris replied slowly, before he heard the door open and close with a thud. Surprisingly to himself, he suddenly felt very alone without Adam in the room.

A few minutes later, Kris turned the shower off and dried himself with a towel, before wrapping it around his waist. He was about to walk out, but he stopped in front of the mirror first. He fixed his hair around, putting a few strands in his face and spiking some of it a little. He wasn't sure why, but he wanted to look good in front of Adam. He walked out of the bathroom without much of a second thought about it.

"Yo!" Adam cheered as Kris walked into the bedroom. He was dressed in a fancy black coat, and tight leather pants. Kris felt somewhat struck looking at him, like he was face to face with a gorgeous celebrity. He even blushed a little, before turning away so Adam wouldn't see.

"You mind if I get dressed?" Kris asked, looking over at the wall. He turned back and caught Adam looking at his body. Adam looked away quickly, and Kris' felt his face heating up again.

"Yeah, sure," Adam said, smiling. "I'll go do my hair." He walked towards the bathroom, and Kris turned around to get another look at him. Surprisingly to them both, Adam had turned around at the same moment. Kris smiled awkwardly, but Adam deliberately let his eyes wander over Kris' upper body for a brief second, before grinning back. He turned around and walked off, leaving Kris feeling frozen in place.

Things were going to be a little different now, Kris admitted to himself. Adam was joking around with him, pretend flirting. But he couldn't help but to feel excited about it; he wanted to play along. He decided he would flirt back a little, too, as long as it doesn't lead anywhere dangerous. As long as Adam didn't get the wrong idea. Adam had let only him in on his secret, and Kris felt like he needed to prove that he wasn't at all bothered by Adam's orientation. And he could have fun with it, too, he decided.

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If you like the story, you should add me on livejournal! My journal is friends-only but I add anyone who asks OR just adds me as a friend.

Mita lurves reviews :)


	2. Too Far

A few weeks passed of Adam throwing flirtatious glances at Kris when no one else was looking, and sometimes Kris would throw one back. It was a really exciting game that the two of them were playing, and it was even more exciting—even a little frightening—when they were alone in their room together. They'd silently dare each other to go farther. Kris always stopped before anything too weird happened, though.

It was mostly just a few looks between the two, nothing serious came out of it, and Kris didn't expect anything to. He was married, after all. They did become closer; hugging more than necessary, being giddy around one another, and always talking and laughing. It was all a really fun experience for Kris, and he genuinely enjoyed being around Adam.

One night after a day of rehearsals and interviews, Kris fell into bed and kicked off his shoes. He watched the door, as he normally did, waiting for Adam to join him.

Adam danced into the room energetically. "Hey, you," he said with a wink.

"Hey," Kris said, obviously eyeing Adam up and down, smiling big so Adam would know it was a joke.

"Today was so fun!" Adam said, and spun in a circle, still dancing towards Kris' bed.

Kris laughed while holding his sides. Adam was such a fun person, and he was always in a good mood. It was so easy to be around him. Adam plopped down on Kris' bed and put his arm around the other man. Before Kris had a chance to say anything, Adam's hand was stroking his chest over his shirt.

"Hmm," Adam smiled, enjoying Kris' panicked look. "So how was your day?"

Kris' swallowed, trying not to look so uncomfortable. He placed his hand over Adam's, helping the older singer feel his chest. He hoped he wasn't taking this too far. "It was all right," he said evenly.

Kris' turned towards Adam's to see his expression. Their faces were inches away, and Adam looked surprisingly serious. Kris immediately took his hand off of Adam's; he knew he shouldn't have taken it farther. This had crossed the line of "joking around" and had turned into actual physical flirting. Adam leaned even closer into Kris, and the younger man couldn't look away from the piercing blue eyes. The older man licked his lips, and Kris' stomach squirmed in fear and excitement. He had to inch back a little and look down before something happened. What that "something" was, Kris didn't even want to admit to himself. All he could think was, '_this is going too far. Way too far. Way too far._'

A slight smile crept onto Adam's face when Kris backed away. He lifted his hand from Kris' chest to cup his cheek. Their foreheads touched.

"What's the matter?" Adam whispered, smiling.

Kris couldn't meet his gaze. He had learned that somehow, it was dangerously easy to get lost in Adam's stare. Some footsteps from the hallway sounded like they were coming closer. Adam dropped his hand onto the bed and both men watched the door. Danny walked by, gave them a confused look when he spotted them sitting on the bed together, but just waved and kept on walking. Kris exhaled.

"Scared?" Adam said, turning his full attention back to the younger singer.

Kris smiled. "You're the one that looked scared to me, man. You dropped your hand there pretty fast."

"You want it back?" Adam teased, placing it back on Kris' cheek and letting it slide down his neck to his shoulder. Kris could feel the intensity in Adam's movements, and it made his body tingle. He hoped Adam couldn't feel his pounding heartbeat. His face heated up a little when Adam brought his hand up to tug on his earlobe.

This was all so new to the him. He had always been the one to make moves on his wife, Katy. He would always touch and caress her, and she would be the one blushing. It was very… different, to have things the other way around. It made Kris both flustered and a little uncomfortable, because he was so unsure about what to do.

"You like touching me?" Kris asked. He realized, as soon as the words left his mouth, how stupid it sounded. He couldn't think of anything better to say.

"Of course," Adam said. "Do you like it?"

Kris' mind raced to think of an appropriate response. The only words he could think were, '_way too far, way too far, way too far._'

"Un," he said. He tried not to make it sound like a yes, but it probably did, because Adam responded by massaging Kris' scalp. It felt good.

The older man chuckled softly as Kris' eyes fell closed. Kris fought for some kind of control, but he couldn't think of anything to say or do.

"…What time is it?" Kris finally asked, slightly glad he'd thought of something to say, but visibly disappointed when Adam's hands left his scalp.

"About 10," Adam replied.

"We should be getting to bed," Kris pointed out.

Adam grinned. "You're right, we should," he said excitedly. He quickly got up and walked to the door to close it. He turned around to face Kris before flicking the light switch. It took Kris a few seconds before he was able to see anything in the darkness, but once he could, he noticed that Adam had gone to sit on his own bed. He felt a little bit cold.

Adam's bright smile was the most visible thing in the dark room as unzipped his boots. Kris watched him, confused, and absent-mindedly kicked off his own shoes, too. Adam's attention went from his boots, to Kris, and back to his boots, as he giggled a few times, very quietly. Finally, he got his second boot off and tossed it aside. Kris mentally cringed; he had tucked his own shoes neatly under the bed where they couldn't be tripped over. Adam slid off his socks, too, and tossed them on the floor.

"You know what I usually like to do?" Adam said, his voice almost a whisper.

Kris blinked, still confused. "What?"

"You ever sleep naked?" The older man asked after a pause. His face was becoming more visible to Kris in the dark, and Kris was sure Adam was giving him a look.

"Not really," Kris said, more curious than scared to see where Adam was going with this.

"What?" Adam asked in a quiet gasp. "That's one of my favorite things to do!"

"You can't sleep naked, Adam," Kris said, smiling. "What if someone comes to wake us up?"

Adam smiled. "I'll tell them to go away so I can get dressed. It's not like they lift up my sheets."

"Are you really serious?" Kris asked, still playing along.

"You should do it too," Adam said quickly, slightly lifting his chin and running his tongue over his upper lip.

"I don't think so," Kris laughed. His eyes where still on Adam, waiting to see what he would do next. The anticipation was giving him goosebumps.

"Do you want me to?" Adam asked, daring.

Kris laughed, trying to keep his voice down. "Do _I_ want you to? It's up to you, man." He bit his lip immediately after saying it; although he wouldn't ever admit it, he wanted Adam to get naked. He had a feeling Adam knew it, too.

Slowly, Adam slid his coat off his shoulders and let it slide down his arms before tossing it to the floor. Kris was so fixated on Adam's actions that he didn't even think twice about the room being messy.

Adam then slid his t-shirt easily over his head, let it fall to the floor, and sat shirtless on his bed, just waiting. He was watching Kris watch him.

"Do you like how I look?" He asked, teasingly.

"I think you look good," Kris replied. He tried to make the comment sound friendly, but his voice was so dry that it just sounded creepy. He cleared his throat.

Adam ran an open palm over his bare chest, pausing to pinch at his nipple. His eyes were on Kris the whole time. Kris' skin felt so hot, he thought he was going to start sweating. He felt like this was going too far. They weren't touching each other, but this seemed so… intense. It was so hard to know what was okay and what wasn't okay with Adam. Everything just felt exciting, and he didn't know if he wanted to stop or not. He felt like he was betraying his wife by watching Adam get undressed. But he just couldn't help but feel like everything was fine, because it was just Adam, and he really did feel a natural connection with Adam. Was this completely wrong? Kris felt too selfish at the moment to explore that question. All he wanted was to see more of Adam's body.

"You want to see more?" Adam asked, as if he could read Kris' thoughts. Kris sat at the edge of his bed, his fists grasping the sheets a little.

"I think so," Kris said in a breath. Embarrassment crashed on him as soon as he heard the words echo back. What was he saying?

Even Adam was surprised. His hands stopped moving and he stared at Kris with wide eyes. "Really?" he asked, grinning.

Kris couldn't shake his embarrassment. He put his hand over his face and fell back onto his bed. "Nevermind."

Adam laughed. "Make up your mind! I can take off my pants for you if you really want…"

"Forget it," is all Kris could manage to say.

"Want me to rub your head for you again?" Adam asked sweetly. "It calmed you down before."

Kris cringed. So Adam had noticed that he was freaking out earlier. Why did it even matter? The brunette couldn't help feeling embarrassed.

Not waiting for an answer, Adam got up and took a few steps forward to lean over Kris on the bed. The younger man closed his eyes and exhaled as he felt Adam's breath on his cheek. Adam's fingers soon weaved through his hair to press gently on his scalp. Despite the massage, Kris' heart still pounded, just from the other man's proximity. He tried to make his breathing even so Adam wouldn't notice the effect he had on him. All sorts of questions were running through Kris' mind as he vaguely wondered, _What the hell is going on anymore?_

Kris felt lips on his cheek, as Adam gave him a light kiss there. He immediately blushed. '_Way too far_,' he reminded himself. He felt his jeans get a little tighter, only adding to the panic.

"What's the matter?" Adam whispered in his ear. "Talk to me."

Kris couldn't think of anything to say. Instead he put his arm around Adam's torso and dragged his fingers along the smooth skin of the older singer's back. He probably shouldn't have, but he did. Adam's skin felt nice, and it brought him some comfort.

The two stayed like that for a while; Adam's breath on Kris' cheek and Kris' fingers trailing over the skin on Adam's back. Eventually, Kris swallowed the lump in his throat and said, "What're we doing?"

"What're _you_ doing?" Adam teased, and licked Kris near his mouth.

"Do you wanna kiss me?" Kris asked, curious. His stomach felt like it was flopping.

"So badly," Adam moaned, and Kris' erection was back.

"You're just completely shameless, aren't you, Adam?"

"People have told me that."

"How many guys have you kissed before?" Kris asked, not sounding as curious as he really was.

"I don't know," Adam answered with a smile, like the question was obviously ridiculous.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

Adam laughed. "Yes."

"Which feels better?"

"Hmm," Adam thought to himself for a moment. "Why don't you decide?"

Kris swallowed nervously. "I don't know."

Adam adjusted his head so that his lips hovered over Kris'. "Come on," he said seductively. "Just do it."

Kris hesitated, and Adam couldn't wait. His mouth crashed down onto Kris' with so much force that Kris couldn't push him away. Adam licked, sucked, and nibbled all over Kris' mouth, until Kris felt lifeless under him.

"Don't tell me you didn't want that," Adam said in between gasps of air when he broke the kiss. His hand traveled back up to Kris' scalp, messaging and rubbing.

Kris looked at him blankly. "I don't know," was all he said. He felt strange.

"It's late," Adam sighed. "We should get to sleep."

"Yeah," Kris said. He watched Adam walk back to his own bed; it was hard to look away.

"Goodnight," Adam said, glancing at Kris one more time.

"Night," Kris said. He was still confused, and wasn't exactly sure what had just happened. His brain wasn't working; he couldn't think. His lips felt bruised and his body _wanted_. He didn't want the night to end like this. He got out of bed, walked over to a surprised Adam, and kissed him shyly. Just a peck, but it was enough to get a point across.

"Wow, thanks," Adam said as Kris lay back down in his own bed. His face felt extremely hot, and he wasn't at all sure what to say. He just turned over, facing away from Adam, and soon fell asleep.

* * *

If you like the story, you should add me on livejournal! My journal is friends-only but I add anyone who asks OR just adds me as a friend.

Mita lurves reviews :)


	3. Irresistible

"WAKE UP!" Adam yelled out, jumping onto Kris' bed and making the mattress bounce.

"What the hell, Adam!?" Kris yelled as he sprang awake.

"You sleep too much," Adam said playfully. "Everyone's eating breakfast!"

"Not hungry," Kris groaned angrily.

"You've gotta eat, sweetie. It's gonna be a big day."

"Every day's a big day," Kris complained.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake-UP!" Adam chanted, shaking Kris by his shoulders. "It's already 7!"

Kris groaned some more. Adam put on a southern accent. "Ya best be gittin' up, Kris."

"That accent was horrible," Kris laughed. He sat up slowly, and Adam, still sitting next to him, smiled.

"There we go," Adam said. He messed Kris' hair and stood up. Kris looked up at him.

"I like your hair today," Kris said. It was styled up off of his forehead, but the sides hung down naturally. He looked very stylish.

"How romantic," Adam teased, turning around and walking towards the door. "Let's eat," he said, glancing back before walking out into the hallway.

"Yeah," Kris said, climbing out of bed to get dressed, but only to realize he was still in his clothes from yesterday, jeans and all. Memories of the night before, of Adam stripping, and of the... kissing, all came rushing back. Kris blinked a couple times, but shrugged it off; he didn't have time to worry about Adam right now.

----

It was Monday, and they would all be going on Idol live again tomorrow night. There was a lot of practicing and rehearsing to do through the day. Adam practiced his performance of "Born to be Wild," while Kris practiced "Falling Slowly." The contestants raced around all day from rehearsing, to picking outfits, and to eating, and they were all relieved when it was finally time to get back to the house for some rest.

"I think my voice is dead," Matt muttered as the Idol contestants arrived back at the house. "I've been singing nonstop all day."

Most everyone nodded in agreement, not having the energy to respond verbally. When they arrived inside there were seven large piles of envelopes across the table.

"That's a lot of fan mail," Allison said, her voice exhausted but her eyes popped open wide.

Everyone grabbed as much as they could carry of the envelopes that were labeled to them, and headed to their rooms.

Kris grabbed his pile, which was noticeably larger than it had ever been, and headed to the bedroom to sort through it all. About a half hour later, after Kris had gotten through almost half of the fan mail, Adam ran into the room.

"Look, look, look!" he sang excitedly. "One of my fans sent me an awesome necklace!"

Kris turned around and laughed. "That's cool, man. My fans haven't given me anything but, like, a lock of their hair."

Adam burst out laughing. "Are you serious? That's so weird!"

"I know," Kris laughed. "Like, I don't even know what I should do with it."

Both men laughed, and Adam scurried over to the mirror to try on his necklace. "I just love this!" he said. "Fans are awesome."

Kris chuckled again and opened another letter. Inside was a card that said "To Kris, From Patty." Kris opened it lazily, and written inside was, "You're HOTT! Good luck on Idol!" The brunette singer sighed and threw the letter into the pile of all the other opened letters.

"I told you!" Adam said loudly. "Now you're getting tons of mail from girls who think you're cute, right?"

"Well yeah," Kris said. "But, dude, how can you be yelling right now? I can barely talk."

"I dunno," Adam said with a smile. He sat down and rested his chin on Kris' shoulder, and Kris stiffened. "I bet I could get you to make some noise," Adam said into his ear with a giggle.

Kris' could feel Adam's breath on his ear. Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, he tried to gather himself. He had an impulse to turn around and just kiss him, but he couldn't.

"Yeah sure," Kris eventually said, acting as if Adam were joking. He opened his eyes and took another breath. He couldn't seem to calm himself down. Adam's hand began stroking his upper arm lightly, and Kris couldn't take much more.

"Why're you doing this?" he asked softly.

"Because you want me to," Adam responded easily. "I can tell."

"You'd be doing this with any roommate," Kris said.

"Doing what?" Adam asked simply, with a smile.

What were they doing? Flirting? It felt more serious, but then again, Kris felt like Adam could do this with strangers daily. He didn't know how to explain what it was they were doing. He felt like his face was on fire.

"This," he said. When had it escalated so much from just kidding around?

"I wouldn't be doing it with any roommate," Adam said. "Just you."

"Sure," Kris said, skeptical. "What makes me so special?"

"You're hot," Adam joked. "Hot with two T's!"

"I'm serious," Kris said plainly.

"What do you want me to say?" Adam asked, breathing in the younger singer's ear.

Kris thought for a few seconds. He really wasn't sure.

"I'm so confused," he said honestly. "I just want to know what's going on." Adam's breath was making him shiver. He really couldn't take much more.

"Not everything needs a definition, Kris." So it was _something_; they were both acknowledging it now.

"It's not right, man. It really isn't," Kris said, trying hard to convince them both.

"Why did you kiss me last night?" Adam asked.

Kris mentally cringed, feeling a stab of shame at the memory. "I shouldn't have."

"You can't take it back now," Adam teased. "You like me."

"I'm married," Kris said. "Doesn't that bother you?"

"Well, a little," Adam said, frowning. He paused for a few seconds, thinking of what to say. "You're too young to be married," he complained.

"You've never been in love," Kris said defensively. The words were automatic, and he immediately felt stupid for saying them. He had no idea whether or not Adam had ever been in love.

"Yes, I have," Adam retorted. "Kris, I don't feel bad about kissing you."

"Maybe you should, man."

Adam sighed. "So you want me to stop, then? Just tell me what's going on with you so we don't have to keep bickering. Here, turn around."

Kris turned to face him, his cheeks still flushed. "What should I say?" he asked quietly, not meeting Adam's stare.

"Do you like me?" Adam asked simply, stroking Kris' hair.

"Yeah, man, I like you a lot. I like being around you. I like talking to you," Kris said, letting his thoughts finally flow. "I feel comfortable with you. Yeah, I like you a lot." His voice was still raspy from the day of singing.

"Is that all?"

Kris let out a slow, shuddering breath. "No," he said.

Adam's warm arms were around his shoulders now. "Don't feel bad, Kris. I like you, too. It's fine."

"Like that, man," Kris went on. "It's like you know exactly what to do. I have no _idea_ what to do!" He wasn't sure what he was trying to say anymore. He was so frustrated, and everything was so confusing.

"Shhh," Adam whispered. "We have a show tomorrow. You shouldn't be this stressed out over anything other than performing. It's fine. Everything is fine, okay?"

"Nothing's fine."

"If it makes you feel better, we should have different rooms soon," Adam added.

Kris looked up at Adam's smiling face, and he wasn't strong enough to fight it. Hesitantly, he slid his arms around Adam's neck, and he heard the catch in Adam's breath. They both wanted it. Kris knew it was wrong, but it was just _Adam_, and it was just _them_. Adam was looking down at him, trying to read his face, and Kris leaned forward to quickly close the distance between their mouths. Adam, although surprised, let out a soft moan to show Kris his appreciation. Kris moved his lips around over Adam's slowly, screwing his eyes shut and lifting his body up to press their chests together. Adam kissed back passionately, and nibbled a little on Kris' lower lip. Kris liked it far more than he should have.

Adam soon pulled away, pushing Kris' shoulders back to look at his face. Kris gazed back at him, looking confused. "The doors open," Adam said. "I'm guessing you don't want someone to walk in on that."

Kris blinked, his eyes growing wide as he thought of what could have gone wrong. "Shit," he said. He was surprised that it hadn't crossed his mind.

Adam laughed, and got up to quickly close the door. He flicked the lights off, too, and ran back to sit with Kris, immediately grabbing him by his shoulders and kissing him again. Kris could feel his heartbeat in his ears, and he suddenly couldn't breathe. He pulled back.

"Why did you turn off the lights?" he asked nervously.

Adam chuckled. "It would be a little weird if we had the door closed and the lights on, don't you think? Now, anyone who'd walk by will think we're sleeping."

"Oh, right," Kris said, still nervous. The situation somehow felt a lot more intimate now that they were alone; closed door, lights off.

"Relax, sweetie," Adam said comfortingly. "We both want this." And he was right.

Kris relaxed a little, and let Adam kiss him again. He moaned a little when Adam's tongue brushed over his lip, and he kissed him back eagerly.

Adam hummed happily, and gently pushed Kris backwards onto the bed. Kris complied and let his head rest on the pillow as Adam leaned over him, his new necklace swaying and brushing against Kris' shirt.

Adam had his hand still on Kris' shoulder, and he used the other to hold himself up over Kris. Breathing heavily though his nose, Kris tried desperately to taste as much of Adam's mouth as he could. He slid his tongue inside and licked at Adam's. It made him recall the pictures that Adam had shown him, where Adam had his tongue in another man's mouth. It reminded him of how new he was to all this. His heart was racing, and he could hear his pulse pounding in his ears.

Adam's hand moved up to Kris' face, fingers trailing over his cheek and jaw line. Kris had a full hard-on at this point, and the discomfort in his pants made him slightly squirm underneath Adam. Adam slid his hand down to Kris' chest, and then a little lower to slide under his shirt. Kris gasped at the feeling of Adam's hand on his skin, and arched his body into his touch. Adam's hand slid everywhere over his chest, and Kris had to break the kiss to quietly gasp for a breath of air.

"I love your body, Kris," Adam said hotly against Kris' cheek. He lifted Kris' shirt up and raised his head to look at it. "Damn, you're in such good shape," he said, grinning.

"Thanks," Kris replied with a humble smirk, while slightly cringing at the feeling of cold metal touching his chest. He wanted to ask Adam to take off the necklace, but once Adam leaned down to kiss him again, letting his hand roam over exposed skin, Kris forgot all about it. Adam's finger slid across Kris' belly button, and then an inch lower. Kris resisted the urge to move his hips.

Adam tapped his index finger, which rested just below Kris' belly button. "Are you hard?" he asked, his voice lustful.

Kris burned up again, and inwardly panicked. "Well, yeah," he stuttered.

"Do you want me to…" Adam trailed off, capturing Kris' mouth briefly again with his own.

"No!" Kris answered quickly. "No. Sorry man, that's way too much. No way, man."

Adam giggled into his ear. "You have so much restraint," he whispered.

Kris sighed in annoyance, battling inwardly with himself. "You have nowhere near enough restraint!" he said sternly. "You're a really bad influence on me, Adam!"

Adam laughed again, lifting his head to look down at the other man. "At least I'm not forcing you."

"You're putting a lot of fuckin' pressure on me, though!"

"You love it."

Kris pulled Adam back down to him and kissed him hard. He tugged at Adam's jet-black hair, suddenly and aggressively pulling him away again. "You're too much for me, man," he said through closed teeth. "Fucking irresistible. That's the only reason this is happening." Adam smirked, obviously taking it as a compliment, and Kris leaned up for another kiss. "I can't believe how easily I've caved in to you," he said finally.

"I'm glad," is all Adam said, a grin stretching his face wide.

The two kissed again, Kris burying his fingers in Adam's hair, and Adam exploring Kris' upper body. Adam moaned again, causing Kris to involuntarily buck his hips up. He felt Adam smiling into the kiss, and hoped he wouldn't get the wrong idea. He continued to move his arms awkwardly, not quite having the nerve to touch Adam anywhere else.

After a few minutes, Adam broke the kiss and lied down next to the younger singer. "My arm is numb," he said, chuckling. Kris tried to catch his breath. "Oh, sorry," he said, feeling cold.

"We should get to sleep soon," Adam said, giving Kris a peck on the mouth.

Kris licked his lips. "Yeah, I guess so." He couldn't help but look a little upset.

"Don't worry, babe," Adam laughed. "There's always tomorrow night."

Kris wrapped his arm around the older man, holding him in place. "Sleep here with me," he said, joking.

"You wish," Adam whispered back. Then Kris, more seriously, said, "I could fall asleep real easy like this."

"Me too," Adam sighed. "But we can't." He struggled out of Kris' hold and sat up.

Kris looked up at him, in awe. "How are you so good-looking?" he asked quietly, suddenly paranoid about someone else hearing.

Adam just smiled and walked to his own bed, pulling off his pants on the way. Kris blushed and stared. Adam sat on his bed, facing Kris, and started to slide under his sheets. "What're you looking at?" he teased.

Suddenly too embarrassed to respond, Kris just climbed under his own covers, taking his pants off underneath the sheets. He was still aroused and didn't want Adam to see the possible damp spot over his briefs. He tucked the pants underneath the bed, making a mental note to fold them later.

Adam frowned. "Aww, I don't even get to see?"

Kris smiled. "No way."

Adam gave him a sexy glare. "I'll show you mine if you show me yours," he suddenly declared in a hushed voice.

"Sorry, no," Kris said a little more seriously, trying not to consider it.

"You're no fun," Adam said, resting his head on his pillow now. "Goodnight."

"Night," Kris said. Somehow, he was a lot less stressed now. He hoped he'd do well on the show tomorrow, somewhat because he didn't want to leave Idol, not just yet.

* * *

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	4. Drug

"_Idol_ Tuesday!" Kris heard someone yell across the house, waking him up. It was probably Danny; He always managed to tick Kris off without even knowing it. Almost immediately after opening his eyes, Kris looked to his left. Adam was sitting up in bed, staring at him.

"What the hell..?" Kris mumbled, visibly confused. "Dude do you, like, watch me sleep or something?"

Adam laughed loudly. "I just happened to look over!"

"My ass," Kris said, turning over and hoping for another few minutes of sleep. Adam giggled to himself, probably trying to refrain from spewing an inappropriate response.

Kris shifted around for a comfortable position and turned to lie on his back, eyes closed. He stayed like that, almost asleep, until he heard Adam shifting around to stand up. He opened his eyes halfway and turned his head.

Adam was still in his briefs. Kris' eyes snapped fully open at the sight, and Adam chuckled when he noticed. He singer reached his left hand down and grabbed himself, making his stank face. The gesture, plus the noticeably large size of Adam's package, made Kris instantly hard. He licked his lips reflexively and turned away, trying to make his eyes close. He could only blink.

"What? Did I give you a boner?" Adam teased jokingly.

"No comment," Kris said, trying to hide his embarrassment with a laugh.

"Wow, Kris," Adam said with a surprised laugh. "You really need to get laid."

Kris turned his head to glare at him, but it probably came across as "yes, please," instead; he could feel that his face was still flushed. Adam licked his lips. Kris sighed and tried to think about something else, anything but Adam, so he could get up and put on some pants without a hard-on. Thankfully, Adam got dressed quickly while Kris pretended he was still tired.

----

After eating breakfast, the contestants rehearsed for the show. Ryan Seacrest talked to them for about fifteen minutes to explain how the show would go, like he did every week. Adam and Kris stood next to each other and, when Ryan looked in another direction, Adam brushed his hand against Kris'. Kris almost jumped the first time it happened, and assumed it was an accident. When it happened again Kris looked over at him, intending to glare, but instead smiled when he saw the flirtatious look on Adam's face. He turned his attention forward again, and when Ryan paused to answer one of Allison's questions, he bumped his hand against Adam's. Both men smiled, and Matt gave them a confused look. A few minutes later, when the contestants walked away to practice their individual songs again, he realized how corny that whole thing had just been.

After much practice-singing, and then lunch, the idols put on their outfits for the show and sat in their makeup chairs. Kris' makeup took about 5 minutes, and once he was done he walked around to chat with everyone else. He spotted Lil first, but avoided eye-contact; last time he tried to have a conversation with her she ranted on for ten minutes about her family and kids. He approached Matt, lifting his hand to say "hey," but Matt seemed too busy fussing with his hair to notice. Adam, sitting across the room, cracked up. Kris spun around at the sound and saw that Adam was laughing at Matt.

"What up, Adam," he said as he walked towards him enthusiastically. "You look like a rock star, man." Nobody else in the competition, he noticed, could look the part of a superstar like Adam could.

"Thaaanks," Adam chimed. "This is my favorite part of the day." His makeup artist—his name was Miles if Kris remembered correctly—came back with foundation. Adam held still, and Kris watched as his freckles disappeared.

"I bet America has no idea you're covered in freckles," Kris laughed. Adam smiled, trying not to move his face too much while Miles coated it in foundation. "Don't tell anyone," Adam said after a few seconds, turning to smile at him when Miles pulled away for more makeup. "It's one of my many secrets that would probably skew the voting."

Kris laughed at the inside joke. By now, most _Idol_ fans, and even the rest of the contestants, probably knew about Adam's orientation.

He bet none of them would ever suspect Kris himself of being bisexual. The thought made him a little upset.

----

It was 5:30 already, and the show would be starting in a half hour. Everyone was scurrying around, getting the camera angles set up and checking the microphones. Kris was suddenly so nervous it was almost unbearable. He had to sing well, or else he wouldn't have any more time on the show. Everything around him was so hectic that he couldn't think clearly. He felt a hand squeeze his shoulder, and looked over at Adam standing next to him. The taller singer suddenly pulled him into a hug in front of everyone, and Kris nearly had a panic attack.

"What are you _doing_-" he said into Adam's shoulder. He realized after a moment that no one would be suspicious of them hugging, and he calmed down. "Oh- sorry," he tried to correct himself.

"It's fine," Adam laughed. Kris suddenly felt much better, and he was too overwhelmed to really wonder why. "You'll do great," Adam told him, and Kris believed him.

"You don't need me to tell you how great _you'll_ be," Kris laughed. "You'll blow 'em away, right?"

Adam smiled. "I hope so!"

----

Adam sang third, and Kris watched in total amazement. The black-haired singer's voice echoed around the whole building as he ran back and forth across the stage singing "Born to be Wild." Kris watched the screen behind Adam for close-ups of his face, and had to try not to get too turned on over Adam's facial expressions. There was definitely something wrong with him.

Adam ended the performance like he was born a star. The judges, and probably the entire country, were blown away.

The rest of the show was a build-up of anxiety until Kris went on stage. He inhaled slowly, and blew the breath out. Inhale, exhale, and inhale, and--. He couldn't exactly remember why, but he had confidence that he'd do great. Relaxing a little once the music started, he sang "Falling Slowly" and kept his voice low and sweet. The simple romance of the song brought his mind immediately to Adam, and not his wife Katy. Making a point to focus on his voice and the sound of the guitar, he clutched the microphone tight and sang, and he felt more at ease by the time the song ended.

Kris bowed his head and licked his lips as applause flooded his ears. The judges loved his song, and Kris was ecstatic. Adam was waiting for him off-stage; they hugged and everything in the world felt perfect.

----

Once the show ended and reality came back into existence, one word brought all Kris' relieved feelings crashing down: _Katy_.

All the emotions that Kris had been feeling today ran wild in his body. Guilt, shame, and disgust mixed with it all, and his hands shook. He'd been blocking away thoughts about his wife for days. He'd cheated on her. Somehow the reality of the situation hadn't hit him until now. He walked straight to the bathroom as soon as they arrived back at the house; he couldn't break down in front of everyone.

What did he think was happening? Like fooling around with Adam Lambert wouldn't have consequences? He made a promise to Katy when he married her, and he never thought that he would break it. His wedding ring felt tight and constricting, and he felt like it was burning him. He'd been calling Katy every day, acting totally normal, talking to her and telling her that he loved her. He did love her. Why had he cheated on her with Adam?

Adam. Kris sighed. Confident, sexy, glamorous Adam. Everything from their upbringing, to their looks and personalities, to their singing styles were completely different. He'd grown up with Katy; he knew everything about her down to the last detail, and he loved all of it. Adam was exciting; different from everything Kris was used to, and surprisingly friendly even. Every movement Adam made, every word he said was so fascinating that Kris savored every moment they were together. At least he could admit that much to himself.

But he didn't love Adam, not like he loved Katy. Then why was he doing this? He thought hard about it, sitting on the closed toilet as minutes passed. He didn't have an answer.

"Hey Kris, are you in there?" Adam's voice rang out, muffled from the other side of the door. Kris took a few breaths so he wouldn't sound like he'd been crying, and Adam knocked twice. "Kris?" he asked again, concern in his voice.

"Yeah," Kris answered. "Be out in a minute."

"Are you okay?" Adam asked.

"I'm fine, I'll be right out."

"All right," he heard Adam say. Kris' mind buzzed just from the brief exchange. Even overwhelmed with guilt, all he wanted to do was get out of the bathroom to be with Adam again. It was as if he got a high just from being near him, and it got more intensely mind-altering the closer they were. Kris knew he didn't have enough power to resist.

Adam was waiting down the hall when Kris walked out of the bathroom. His eyes probably looked red, but Adam didn't say anything about it. They walked together to their room, and Kris closed the door behind them and walked past Adam to sit down on his bed.

"Can I sit with you?" Adam asked. Kris wanted to say no, but the thought was so comforting that he nodded his head instead. He was surprised that Adam had chosen to ask, rather than just sitting.

"What's wrong, Kris?" Adam asked, his voice full of genuine worry. He sat next to him, but left a small distance between their bodies so that not even their thighs touched. Kris scooted over, not wanting to but feeling like he had to. He leaned into Adam's chest.

"Life," he said.

"I'd say your life's going great," Adam said comfortingly, snaking his arms around Kris' tense body. "You're on _American Idol_, and every girl in America's crazy about you."

Kris wanted to explain why he was so upset, he wanted to tell Adam he couldn't do this anymore, but when he opened his mouth all that came out was a quiet choked sob. His body shook a few times, and he felt Adam's warm hands rubbing the fabric of his shirt over his back. How embarrassing.

Adam leaned down to plant a kiss in Kris' hair. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"Yeah." Kris rubbed his eyes with his sleeve and lifted his head, still not looking Adam in the face. He struggled with his words.

"Does it… does it really not… _bother_ you, that I'm married?" Kris asked in a quiet, cracking voice.

"A little," Adam sighed, answering honestly. "But as long as you're-"

"I don't get it!" Kris interrupted. "I don't know why I'm doing this! I love Katy. I love her so, so much." His voice cracked again. "But you're something totally different. I can't even compare you to her, because I feel like a completely different person when I'm with you. I hardly know anything about you!"

"Shhh," Adam whispered, moving his arm against Kris' body. "Everything happens for a reason, Kris. I really believe that."

"You're-…I mean," Kris went on, frustrated. "As cheesy as it sounds, man, you're like a drug. And I'm addicted. I can't stop. I _have_ to be near you."

Adam went silent, and Kris took a couple shaky breaths. "Why do you like me?" Kris asked, almost angrily, but he clung to Adam's shirt.

"I couldn't tell you in so few words," Adam said simply, stroking Kris' arm with his thumb. "But I love everything about you."

Kris' hand wandered over Adam's side as he spoke. "Sure," he said as his hand found its way under Adam's shirt.

"I loved you on stage, today," Adam continued. "You have a beautiful voice."

"You were sexy," Kris said, caught up in the feeling of Adam's warm skin under his fingers. Adam laughed. "Take this off," Kris said, tugging on the shirt.

"Uh..." Adam paused. "If we're gonna do _that_ we'd better turn off the lights."

"Whatever," Kris said absently, squeezing and rubbing Adam's skin. He just wanted to forget. He just wanted _this_.

Adam let out a happy sigh. "That feels good," he said softly. Kris kissed him lightly, stretching his neck out to reach. Adam licked Kris's mouth instead of kissing him back, and Kris smiled. The drug that was Adam flooded his senses, and Kris couldn't think of anything else. Adam pushed him down roughly, getting ready to lie over him again.

"I wanna be on top this time," Kris said, too focused to realize the innuendo. He looked offended when Adam giggled loudly.

"Sure," Adam finally said, and Kris rolled over on top of him. Now that he was in a more familiar position, Kris felt comfortable, and more eager. He planted a kiss hard on Adam's mouth, and let his hand slide up the older singer's stomach. Adam felt very different than Katy. His skin felt rougher and harder against Kris' palm, and Kris was very, very turned on by it.

His uncertainties faded as he let his instincts take control. His lips left Adam's mouth and sloppily kissed his cheek, his jaw, his ear, his neck. Adam smelled intoxicating, and Kris could taste the makeup on his skin. Unable to resist, he dropped his hips down and grinded his erection once against Adam. The pleasure, hot and sudden, made Kris gasp softly.

"Jesus," Adam breathed, lifting his own hips up to meet Kris' again. Kris groaned against Adam's mouth.

Three sudden knocks on their door made them both jump and freeze in place.

"Dudes," Allison called out. "Come watch the show."

"Yeah, be right out," Kris yelled back. He turned to Adam with a terrified look, and Adam was smiling.

"Told you we should have turned off the lights," he teased, raising his hips up again.

"What the hell are we gonna tell them?" Kris asked, panicked.

"Stop freaking out, hun," Adam said calmly. "Nobody's going to know. We were just talking in here."

Kris tried to calm himself down, rolling off of Adam. "Okay," he said.

The two men wandered into the living room. Everyone had started watching the show without them, but they didn't mind missing the intro. Kris made sure to sit as far away from Adam as he could, but couldn't help looking over at him every few minutes; like he had to be sure he was still there.

If Kris had to choose between Katy and Adam, he knew he'd choose Katy. But, right now he didn't have to choose. Adam didn't mind, and Kris knew he didn't have enough strength to stay away, as much as he wished he could. He loved Katy, but the more he thought about it, the more certain he was that it would be better not to tell her. She wouldn't understand it even if he did. Adam would be temporary; they'd probably hardly see each other once the show was over, never mind have a chance to be alone together. Kris frowned, trying not to think so far ahead.

This was all decided while Kris glanced back and forth between Adam and the TV. Everything was much easier now that Kris had cleared things up in his head. Maybe his decision wasn't the right one, but he knew it was the only one he could handle. It felt right enough to him.

* * *

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	5. Little Painted Thumb

WARNING: This chapter is most definitely rated M.

* * *

Kris was so much braver in his dreams. He'd grab Adam by the collar and yank him forward. Adam would cooperate as Kris pulled his clothes off and Kris didn't hesitate to kiss him, everywhere. He would wake up, always right before Adam's hand slid down his stomach, below his waistline.

The dreams were, no doubt, a product of all the sexual frustration. When the two were alone they were kissing and touching, but Kris always stopped Adam before things went too far. It had been two weeks since Movie Week, and the brunette had been constantly trying to keep things from getting out of hand. It was becoming increasingly difficult.

Kris lay awake, wiping the sweat from his face. He couldn't take much more of this.

----

Last week, Adam had moved into another bedroom. This didn't stop him from visiting Kris almost every night to "chat," though. The only thing separating their rooms was a bathroom they shared, so nobody noticed them walking back and forth. It was a convenient setup.

There were only five contestants left. The house was quieter without Anoop and Lil, but Rock Week was coming up, and Adam was so excited that Kris couldn't help but be giddy himself.

Adam jumped up and down when he was told he could do Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love." Kris grinned, happy for him.

"I don't know that song," Kris had said, sitting on his bed. "How does it go?"

Adam had strutted towards him, swaying his hips. "Way down inside, I'm gonna give you my love," he sang in a low voice. "I'm gonna give you every inch of my love. Gonna give you my love."

"Oh," Kris responded, frozen in place. "Wow." Adam had only grinned, before giving him a brief, sloppy kiss. Kris couldn't wait to see the performance.

----

The weekend passed quickly, as the contestants were always busy. When Monday night came around, Kris was so exhausted he could hardly keep his eyes open. He fell asleep within seconds of getting into bed. A few minutes passed before Adam, quietly closing the bathroom door behind him, snuck in the room. He crept over to Kris, and saw that he was out cold, face-down on the bed. Adam chuckled silently; Kris fell asleep so easily. His arm was hanging over the side of the bed, his fingers almost touching the floor, and Adam suddenly had an idea.

After slowly sneaking back into the bathroom, Adam took a bottle of blue nail polish off the counter that he hadn't used yet. He tip-toed back to Kris' side and crouched down quietly. Kris was still dead asleep, so Adam unscrewed the bottle and lightly lifted Kris' thumb to hold it in place. He took the brush from the bottle, letting it hover over the top of it to drip off extra polish, before dragging it over Kris' thumbnail. He was careful not to get any on Kris' cuticles or skin, and he finished quickly, hopefully before the smell would wake Kris up. Adam slowly let his hand fall back down, and snuck back into his own room before he could be caught.

----

Kris woke up, breathing heavily after another one of those dreams. His clock said 1:14 AM. He looked to his left instinctively, only to remember that Adam had moved to the next room over. He was glad, in a way, because seeing Adam after that dream would probably only tempt him to do something. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down, as he did almost every night since the dreams started. He lifted his right hand to wipe sweat from his forehead, and smelled Adam suddenly. His eyes fully opened, and he looked around, before realizing that the smell was just nail polish, not Adam.

Why would it smell like nail polish?

Kris looked at his hands. What the hell? When did he paint his thumb nail?

He shook his head. He was so confused. The feeling of Adam's rough hands on him still whirled around in his mind. He rubbed at the nail polish, but it was dried on. He sat up and tried to focus, still drowsy and confused. Adam must have painted his thumb nail while he was sleeping as a joke. Kris smiled.

He rolled out of bed, walking quietly to Adam's room in just some pajama pants. Sure, it was really late at night, but he had to get Adam back for the prank. He opened the bathroom door slowly, grabbed Adam's eyeliner off the counter, and walked to Adam's bedroom door. The door creaked when he pushed it lightly, and Kris cringed, hoping Adam wouldn't wake up. He snuck quietly in, trying not to trip over anything in the darkness.

"Kris?" Adam asked, groggy and confused.

Kris cursed under his breath. "You're a light sleeper."

"No," Adam laughed sleepily. "I heard the door open. What time is it?"

"I dunno," Kris lied. "I just woke up and saw you painted my thumbnail blue. I was gonna get you back."

"What were you gonna do?" Adam asked, rubbing his face.

Kris laughed and didn't answer him, hiding the eyeliner behind his back.

Adam sat up and stretched his arms over his head, intentionally giving Kris a nice view of his upper body. Kris couldn't see as many of his freckles in the dark. "Well?" Adam asked.

"Nothing," Kris said with amusement.

"I need my beauty sleep, Kris," Adam complained. "You can't just wake me up for 'nothing.' Especially if you're half naked."

"You can go back to sleep," Kris teased.

"Promise you won't do anything?"

Kris smiled. "We'll see."

"If you don't tell me what you were gonna do, I'm gonna get up and kiss you," Adam warned.

Kris frowned, trying to figure out the threat. "That's a bad thing?"

"I'm naked," Adam said, cracking a smile.

"Holy shit. Are you serious?" Kris asked, his mouth dropping open.

"I'm serious," Adam laughed. "So tell me!"

Kris took a few steps toward him. "I don't believe you."

"Suit yourself-" Adam said, turning to place one of his legs on the floor.

"Okay, okay!" Kris interrupted in a hushed voice. "I was just gonna draw you a uni-brow with your eyeliner pencil. Happy?"

Adam laughed. "I'm really glad you didn't. That stuff doesn't wash off easy."

"I woulda done it lightly," Kris said, trying not to breathe so loud.

"You want a kiss anyway?" Adam teased.

"Yeah," Kris said, but he leaned down so Adam wouldn't need to stand up. He closed his mouth over Adam's, and Adam snuck his tongue in between his lips. Kris moaned quietly, and Adam hooked his arms around his neck to pull Kris down on top of him. Kris gasped into the kiss, nervous to be on top of Adam while he was naked.

"Dude, no," Kris tried to say, panting.

"I lied," Adam whispered, grinning. "I'm wearing briefs."

"Dammit," Kris laughed, feeling a little relieved. "Screw you."

"Lie down with me," Adam said, lifting his sheets.

"Okay," Kris said hesitantly. He knew he should go back to bed, but he couldn't say no. He fell onto the bed and laid down, facing Adam.

Adam scooted next to him, pressing the fronts of their bodies together. Kris was getting hard already, but he kissed Adam anyway, sliding his free arm along the older singer's side. Adam nibbled on his lip, and Kris moaned into his mouth, digging his fingers into Adam's back. He couldn't take much more. He knew he should stop, but he clung desperately to Adam instead. Adam slid his knee in between Kris' thighs and pressed his hip up against his crotch. Kris groaned and panted hot breaths against his mouth. Adam knew he wasn't supposed to do that.

"God damn," Kris breathed. "Please, Adam."

Adam moved his head down and started planting hot kisses against Kris' neck. "Please what?" he asked innocently, pushing their bodies closer again.

"Aah," Kris groaned, pushing back against Adam. "God dammit…"

He pushed his arm against the bed to lift himself slightly above Adam, slowly grinding against him. Lust took over his body, and Kris couldn't stop himself anymore. He leaned down to kiss along Adam's jaw.

"Come on baby," Adam said, moaning. "I want this so bad."

"Fuck," Kris heard himself say. He moved faster against Adam as pleasure flowed through his entire body, only making him want more.

Adam hand slid from Kris' back down to firmly squeeze his ass. He pushed Kris down against him, crushing them together. "Let me touch you," he said into Kris' ear.

"Do it," Kris responded in a pleading voice, not giving himself time to object. He'd never wanted anything so badly before. Adam's hand quickly slid down Kris' chest and stomach, and below the waistline of his pajama pants, immediately wrapping around his cock. It was warm, wet, and extremely hard. "Fuck," Adam breathed, and Kris buried his face in the older singer's neck, trying to keep quiet but unable to think clearly.

Kris let out a shuddering breath as Adam ran his thumb over the head, smearing the moisture and using his hand to spread it over Kris' shaft. Kris felt every slow stroke that Adam gave him, and was moving his hips against the rhythm of Adam's hand for more friction. The sensation was overwhelming.

"Adam, please, more," Kris kept moaning softly against Adam's skin.

Adam complied, moving his arm much faster than before. Kris moaned again, a little too loudly, at the sudden surge of feeling.

"Shh," Adam whispered to him, pumping him even faster. "Baby, you gotta be quiet."

Kris bit his lip; he was getting very close. "Adam, fuck, I'm gonna come," he managed to say. His body tensed.

"Yeah, come on," Adam whispered back. He moved his hand quickly, and held his other hand open near the head of Kris' erection.

Kris' breath came in swift gasps as he thrust himself against Adam's hand. The weeks of built-up sexual tension all released as pleasure overtook him, and he jerked his hips, coming into Adam's hand with a quiet moan.

He dropped his head onto Adam's collarbone, gasping for air and cursing under his breath. "Did that feel good?" Adam whispered again, his voice thick with lust. Kris blushed, reaching over to the bedside table to grab a tissue. He gave it to Adam, and Adam kissed his cheek. "Yeah," Kris said, still panting.

After wiping his hand, Adam rolled Kris over onto his back, kissing the younger singer passionately. "You're so hot, baby," he said against Kris' cheek, shamelessly rubbing his erection against him. Kris, after gaining back some of his strength, rolled Adam onto his side, so they faced each other. He placed his palm on Adam's stomach, and slid his fingertips underneath the older singer's briefs. Adam moved his hips forward eagerly. Hesitating and nervous, Kris brushed his fingers over Adam's cock, feeling the length of it.

"Holy Christ, you're huge," he breathed, focusing on what his hand was doing. "I've only ever done this to… myself, so… it may not be-"

"Just do it," Adam cut him off, whining.

"Don't get all impatient, man, I'll do it," Kris teased, smiling. He enjoyed seeing Adam like this; dazed, eager, and quietly gasping as his every touch.

Kris fisted his hand around Adam's cock, moving it a little. "That feel good?" he asked quietly.

"Yeah," Adam hissed softly, urging him to move faster. His eyes were shut, and his eyebrows drawn together.

As he moved faster, Kris could hear Adam's breathing speed up. He scooted himself closer, feeling Adam's breathing on his face before he pressed their lips together, pumping his hand a little quicker. Adam's hand dug into his shoulder as he moaned, and then said, "More."

Kris tried to get used to moving his arm this angle; it was very different. He withdrew his hand briefly, earning a whine from Adam, and wet his palm with his tongue. Now his hand was able to slide over Adam's erection even faster, and Adam moaned against his lips. "I'm almost there, Kris," he heard Adam say, trying to keep noises in his throat from escaping. Kris' head spun, and his heart raced.

He watched Adam's face as his body jerked forward. The black-haired singer had his eyes shut tight, and his lips parted slightly. Kris kissed him, swirling his tongue into his mouth as Adam came, arching into him.

"That was hot," Kris said when Adam's eyes opened back up. He cleaned his hand with another tissue, pressed his body close to Adam's again. He felt the older singer's chest rise and fall quickly, and they stayed in that position while Adam's breathing steadily returned to normal.

"I needed that," Adam said, smiling. "I'm happy you finally gave in."

Kris leaned over Adam, crushing their mouths together again, and they kissed each other almost angrily in a fight for dominance. Adam rolled over, pushing Kris against the mattress, and broke the kiss. "So does this mean we can have sex?" he asked, hopeful.

"Uhh," Kris thought, looking down at the freckles on Adam's shoulders. "I dunno. I don't think so, Adam."

"Aw," Adam whined, and nipped Kris' ear.

"It's really, really late," Kris said with realization. "Dude, we have a show tomorrow. God dammit, I need sleep. This sucks."

"Don't complain to me," Adam said. "You came and woke me up, okay?"

Kris pushed Adam off of him, and sat up. "I gotta go back to my room."

"Thanks for that," Adam said happily.

"I'm not proud of it," Kris said shyly. "But you're welcome, I guess."

"Night, handsome," Adam laughed.

Kris gave Adam a quick peck on the lips. "See you tomorrow."

He walked silently back to his room. That was the first sexual thing he'd done with anyone other than Katy. It was really exciting, and Kris loved how everything had felt as new as it did the first time he and Katy had touched each other. The guilt gnawed at his satisfaction a little, but at least he could actually get to sleep without constantly dreaming of Adam. He looked at the blue nail polish on his right thumb and smiled. He'd keep it on there for good luck.

* * *

I got the title for this one from GossipCandy dot com. That site's awesome for kradamness.

If you like the story, you should add me on livejournal! My journal is friends-only but I add anyone who asks OR just adds me as a friend.

Leave me a review!

Say whatever you want, I love **honesty**.


	6. Quiet Desperation

It was Tuesday of Rock Week, and just as hectic as always. The idols were busy since the minute they'd woken up, but Kris needed to make time to call Katy. He hadn't talked to her in a few days and he found himself worrying that she was with someone else. He knew he was being paranoid, but the thought just kept crossing his mind, and he needed to hear her voice.

He walked away after lunch, pulling his phone from his pocket and dialing Katy's number.

"Hello?" She answered after two rings.

"Hey, it's me," Kris started.

"Oh, hi, Kris! You really have time to call me on a Tuesday afternoon?" She sounded happy to hear his voice.

"I made time," Kris said. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too," she said. "But I'll see you after the show today, right?"

They usually got to visit after the show ended, but only for a few minutes. "Yeah," he said.

"Are you gonna sing well tonight?" Katy asked.

"I hope so," Kris said. "So, what've you been up to?" He bit his lip, not knowing how to ask what he really wanted to know.

"Same-old," she said dully. "You?"

"Busy all the time," Kris laughed. "Same-old."

"How's Adam?"

Kris flinched. She could tell the two were friends from seeing them on the show, and Kris had told her about how well they were getting along. "He's fine," Kris said, wanting to change the subject.

"He must be real excited for rock week," she said, laughing. "What's he singing?"

"Um… a Zeppelin song, I think…" Kris looked around, trying to act busy. "Listen, I gotta go get ready now, I'll talk to you later."

"See you tonight!"

"Yep, see you tonight. Bye." Kris hung up and stared at the phone in his hand for a while. He wasn't able to ask her. He knew she wasn't cheating but he couldn't shake the feeling. She seemed pleasant enough on the phone. He stood there for a few more minutes, thinking.

His phone beeped suddenly, and Kris flipped it open. It was a text from Adam: "_Whats wrong_?"

He smiled. Adam must have seen him standing there and gotten worried. "_Nothing just talked to Katy_," he texted back, smirking when he saw the blue nail polish that was still on his thumb from the night before. Flashbacks invaded his memory suddenly, and he tried to force them out; he shouldn't be thinking about this right now. His phone beeped again a few seconds later. "_Did u tell her?_" the message said. Kris blinked; he was somewhat surprised that Adam was worried about that. He typed back "_No_" and hit send as he walked to a producer that was motioning him over.

----

Kris and Danny were doing a duet together. Adam and Alison were paired together because they were the two rockers, obviously, while Danny and Kris were just "the other two." He hated working with Danny, though. He was always smug and confident, which was a little annoying to be around. Kris rehearsed with him just as much as necessary, putting on a friendly smile, because that's just how he was. Even if Gokey bugged the hell out of him, he'd put on a smile and laugh along.

Adam and Allison seemed to be getting really close, Kris noticed. The three of them had always been good friends on the show, but Allison was always hugging up on Adam now, and they were always together, laughing. He didn't mind, he told himself. It was just an observation.

----

Later, after the idols had all gotten changed, they walked to the makeup studio. A few minutes after Kris sat in his chair, he got another text from Adam. It said, "_R u going to tell her?_" Kris held the phone in his palm for a minute or two while his makeup artist powdered his face. He eventually typed back saying, "_I dont think so_." He leaned back in his chair and sighed, trying not to think about it.

Adam, sitting away on another side of the studio, smiled when he got the text. He and Kris had a secret, and Kris not telling his wife made it much more intimate. He was being so selfish, though. When he thought about how it might affect Kris' marriage, he was overwhelmed with guilt. It was definitely painful to think about, and Adam usually avoided doing so, but he knew it must be eating away at Kris. He wasn't sure what to do about it; he wanted to apologize but it seemed too late for that.

He wouldn't tell anyone either, Adam decided. It was a situation that was special to them, and nobody else needed to know about it. Nobody else would probably understand the relationship they shared, anyway.

----

_American Idol_ began, and Adam was singing first. Kris almost considered not watching because he knew it would distract him, but he had to see. It was Adam, they were good friends, of course he'd watch him perform. He stood against the wall, giving himself a decent view of the stage, along with a little privacy from everyone else.

Adam walked casually onto the stage while they showed his video clip. He looked just like any rock star should, and he pulled off the look easily. The guitar started playing, and Kris' eyes didn't leave Adam for a second. He was sucked into the performance, while he consciously tried not to think about the song's message. He just watched Adam perform, savoring every second of it, but trying not to hold on to it. He didn't know what he was doing or thinking, really; the lack of sleep along with stress, stress, and more stress, were all taking their toll on his brain. Adam really knew what he was doing on that stage, he always seemed to, and Kris was a little jealous of his confidence. Adam finished the song with a bang, and the audience went crazy. Kris let out a heavy breath that he didn't realize he'd been holding. Everyone was screaming.

The judges praised Adam, as usual, and Kris was more than ready to hug him the second he walked offstage. Adam let him go after a second or two, leaving Kris feeling warm and dizzy. He watched as Adam walked away, hugging everyone else just as enthusiastically.

The duet with Gokey went pretty well, Kris thought. He didn't like the song, and he didn't really like performing with Danny, but he put on his cheerful face and just enjoyed being able to sing. It upset him little when Simon told him that Danny sang better than he did, though. He'd have to try harder during his next song, hopefully so he could stay in the competition. He struggled to keep his mind in the present. It still felt like it was spinning out of control.

He wasn't as focused as he should've been when it was his turn to sing "Come Together." He managed to sing well and get into the music, but he had to try pretty hard not to screw up the words. When it ended, Kris tried to be more focused on what the judges were telling him than he was on where his wife was sitting, and where Adam was standing. He kept wondering if she would be able to see their next offstage hug. He was so scared that she might be able to see the emotions on his face while he was wrapped up in Adam's arms. The judges gave their feedback, and Kris walked off the stage after Seacrest gave his voting number.

Allison was waiting for him and he hugged her tightly as she said her congratulations. He thanked her happily, and looked around. Adam stood a few feet away, smiling proudly and taking a few small steps towards him. Kris walked into his embrace, letting his face hit Adam's shoulder. He wanted nothing more than to squeeze Adam into him until his arms went numb, so he could possibly be distracted from the pain in his chest and throat, but he held him loosely instead. Adam patted his back and soon pulled Kris away by his shoulders, telling him "good job!" while Kris smiled up at him dumbly.

----

Kris' body was exhausted, but his mind refused to let him sleep. He, Allison, Danny, and Adam had spent the rest of the night hanging out and watching the show back, and now they'd all finally headed to get some rest. Everyone else was probably sound asleep by now. Adam hadn't come into his room yet, so Kris assumed he'd just gone to sleep, too.

He felt insecure. All he was able to think about during the show was Adam, but Adam seemed completely confident, focused, and just normal. After what happened last night, Kris' mind just kept going back to Adam, no matter what he'd try to think about. He didn't want it to show, though; he didn't want Adam knowing how easily he could control his mind completely. He wasn't sure what he would think, and he didn't want to imply anything serious. Sighing, Kris stretched his arm up onto his pillow and rested his head on it. He needed to sleep, but his mind wouldn't shut down.

He laid there for a few more minutes, breathing slowly and trying to fathom the hugeness of _American Idol_. It was difficult to do, and Kris was really feeling the pressure of it all. Sure, it was a challenge and it drained him physically and mentally, but Kris knew he would never have another opportunity this big. He had to seize this chance. He knew he probably wouldn't win the show, but he wanted to make it farther, gain a little more fame, before he left the spotlight. His heart skipped a beat when he suddenly heard his door creak open. "Adam," Kris greeted him, sitting up. He didn't want to look so pathetically excited to see him, but he couldn't help it.

"Hey," Adam said happily, beaming. "I was just talking to Allison for a while. I love her, she's such a sweetheart."

Kris smiled. "Yeah, you two have really gotten close." As Adam sat on his bed, he felt like there was a magnetic pull between them. He wanted to move closer, but he resisted.

Adam had showered when they got home, which had washed off most of his makeup. Kris could faintly smell the fruity scent of his shampoo. Adam's black hair, pushed to one side of his face, hung down to curve around his cheek, and Kris loved the wave that Adam's hair usually had when it wasn't straightened. It looked soft, and the texture somehow contrasted with Adam's sharp, piercing blue eyes. The older singer was looking right at him and Kris felt frozen.

"You did pretty good today," Adam complimented, looking away finally.

"Not really," Kris laughed. "I wasn't as focused as I should've been."

"What was distracting you?"

"Katy," Kris lied. He really didn't want Adam to know about the affect he had on him.

Adam frowned, resting his hands on his knees. "I don't want to break you guys up or anything," he said.

"I thought you didn't mind that," Kris said, scratching at his side lazily.

Adam fidgeted. He looked around the room slowly, at nothing in particular, before he responded. "I feel really bad," he said.

Kris looked up at him, surprised. "You do?" Adam drummed his fingers over his thighs. Kris hadn't noticed him acting so uncomfortable before.

"I'm not usually like this," Adam said in a serious and apologetic tone.

Kris looked lost. "What do you mean?"

"I don't really know how to say this," Adam half-laughed, running a hand through his hair. "I just feel really bad about everything. I feel completely awful about it."

"Really?" Kris asked. "You seemed so comfortable with… everything we're doing."

"Usually I'm… I mean, I've never gone after someone who I couldn't have before. Someone that's unavailable," Adam said, explaining slowly. "I just feel like I came at this whole situation the completely wrong way, you know?"

"Not really," Kris said. Adam was still too far away from him. He wanted to comfort him or something, he didn't even know, but Adam was just too far away. Unable to help himself, Kris moved over to lessen the distance between them, just by a little.

"I've never wanted someone this badly before," Adam said suddenly, locking eyes with Kris. "I felt like I had to do whatever it took. Now everything's a mess." His eyes looked sad, and Kris could tell he was sincere.

Not knowing how to respond, Kris looked down in thought. "I guess it sort of is," he said eventually. Adam sighed, resting his forehead in his palm. "It's my fault, and I want to tell you… just that I'm really sorry about it all. It's so selfish of me."

"It's not like you forced me," Kris said. "We both did it."

"When we first got to the mansion, I was sure you were straight. I knew there was no way it'd ever happen. Especially since you're married," Adam explained. "I seriously couldn't help myself; I still flirted with you all the time. You're so… fucking _cute_ and you're just completely the type of guy I've always wanted to be with. When you actually flirted back, I could tell you weren't serious. But just look at what happened. It's so out of control now."

Kris listened, nodding while his eyes trailed over the patterns on the bed sheet. "It feels right, though," he muttered softly.

Kris looked up and Adam was smiling. He stretched his arm out, scooting over to hook it around Kris' shoulders. "Does it?" he asked. Kris let his head lean on Adam's shoulder, and he felt his body loosen. Touching Adam relieved almost all of his anxiety.

"It's not right," Kris said. "I know that for a fact. It's very wrong, by a few different definitions. But… the way it feels when I'm near you, I can't help but think it's supposed to be this way. It doesn't make much sense, but that's how I feel."

"What about Katy?" Adam asked. His fingers were playing with Kris' hair.

"It's different with her. I mean, I _love_ her," Kris said, struggling with his words. "I could never leave her. You know how much I love Katy."

Adam nodded slightly, leaning his cheek on Kris' hair. "I know," he said.

"I only just met you," Kris added.

"I know."

"I've never even been with a guy before. I haven't really ever been serious with anyone besides Katy."

"Would you consider this serious?"

Kris paused. "Would you?" he asked.

"I don't know," Adam said, smiling and trailing his fingers around Kris' shoulder. "I'm willing to mess around as long as you are. I _really_ like you."

"You probably do this with people all the time, though," Kris said, trying not to sound upset. "I'm just one of many, right?"

"I don't fool around with married guys all the time," Adam laughed. "But, yeah, I've been with a lot of guys before." Kris frowned into Adam's shoulder.

"I haven't," Kris responded, stating the obvious.

"Did you know you liked guys before this?"

"No. I mean, I'd never really considered it before this."

"Are you embarrassed?"

"Yeah," Kris admitted. "I'd really like it if you didn't mention it to anyone. Not like I think you would… I just don't want there to be a chance of-"

"Don't worry," Adam said. "I know it's important. I won't tell anyone if you won't."

Kris turned, placing his hand on Adam's other shoulder and pressing his lips to the older singer's neck. He took a breath. "I can't tell Katy. It'd ruin my life."

Adam frowned. "Kris, you're making me so sad."

Kris shrugged. "We're so different, though," he mused. "How do we get along so good? It's just weird."

"Yeah," Adam agreed. "It's probably because you're so damn nice. It'd be really hard _not _to get along with you." He giggled softly when Kris kissed the side of his neck again, ticking him.

"One of us might go home tomorrow," Kris said sadly. "It's like a fifty-fifty chance."

"I really hope not," Adam replied, lightly shaking his head. "I really hope we don't."

"If it happens, it'll be for the best, probably."

Adam sighed. "That's true."

"I want to stay longer," Kris said. "Seriously, I might really leave tomorrow."

"Don't leave me here with Danny Gokey," Adam joked. He let himself fall backwards to lie on Kris' bed. Kris looked down at him. He really didn't want to leave.

"If this is my last night here," Kris said in a low voice, "I just want to make the most of it." He leaned over Adam, brushing their lips together softly.

"Don't talk like that," Adam said smiling.

"I'm being serious," Kris whispered, dropping his head down to start kissing Adam's neck again.

"I don't want you to do anything if you think… that you might regret it later."

Kris lifted his head again, and Adam was watching his expression carefully. Kris smiled. "It's too late for that," he said.

"Kris," Adam said, frowning, "I mean it. I really don't want to mess around more than we already have if you're only going to regret it later."

Kris blinked slowly a few times, looking down at Adam's hesitant expression. "I don't know what it is, man," he said. "But I feel like we're supposed to. I can't fuckin' resist it, anyway, even if I wanted to. I need my fix or else I'll just go nuts thinking about it, you know?"

Adam laughed. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean."

Kris looked at him for a few more seconds before leaning down again. He tangled his fingers into Adam's hair while they kissed sloppily, and Adam pulled Kris down to lie fully on top of him. "I really like you," Adam breathed into his ear, sending a chill down Kris' body and making his breath shake. "I don't want you to go. It's selfish of me, but I want it to stay like this."

"I know," Kris breathed, his voice uneven. He slid his hand under Adam's shirt, making him shiver. He felt Adam's body, experimentally rubbing and squeezing his skin, and the Adam moaned quietly.

"Take your shirt off," Kris whispered down at him. "I wanna see more of you."

Adam wiggled and squirmed around, pulling his shirt up and over his head. He pulled Kris back down for another kiss as he tossed the shirt to the floor. Kris felt his body heating up, and he pulled his own shirt off. He fell over onto his side, letting his hand wander over Adam more, and Adam brought his own hands to Kris' chest. He soon rolled Kris onto his back, and lowered his head down to place a few light kisses onto Kris' stomach as he laid over him. Kris bucked his hips up with a moan, letting Adam feel how hard he was, but Adam only smiled and moved up to lick and bite along Kris' chest. He pinched a nipple and Kris gasped at the sensation, throwing his head back slightly.

"You like this?" Adam asked when Kris arched his chest up. He rolled Kris' nipple in between his fingers and Kris gasped softly again.

"S'weird," Kris breathed.

Adam chuckled. "I think you like it," he said, and suddenly reached down to squeeze the bulge in Kris' pants. "Aah-!" Kris moaned a little too loudly. He hadn't been expecting that. Adam grinned and kept his hand there, stroking Kris slowly through his pants and looking down at him lustfully. Kris licked his lips and drew in heavy breaths, moving his hips up into Adam's touch.

Adam stretched himself over Kris' body, leaning down to assault Kris' mouth with his tongue. They stayed like that for a few minutes; kissing desperately and rubbing against one another, breathing in quiet moans.

"What do you want to do?" Adam asked eventually, his lips against Kris' ear. "I'll do whatever you want." The intensity in his voice made Kris' heart jump in his chest, and his mind flooded with excitement and fear. He didn't know how to answer.

"What do you want to do?" he asked back, his mouth hot against Adam's neck. Adam sat up and lifted Kris' lower body, quickly positioning himself to press his crotch between Kris' legs. He groaned, leaning back down to drag his teeth over Kris' neck, very slowly moving against him. "You know what I want to do," he whispered.

Kris tried to laugh, but he was so breathless that it hardly came out. He cleared his throat. "What else, besides that?" he said. Adam thrust against him again, and Kris let out a moan. "Not that," he said again to clarify.

Adam leaned back, enjoying Kris' dazed expression and letting his hands roam to Kris' waist. He slipped a hand under his pajama pants, not hesitating for a second to wrap his fingers around Kris' aching hard-on and stroke it, rough and fast. Kris' head flew back in an instant, and a dry groan escaped his throat. "Adam-!" he croaked, squeezing his eyes shut. His whole body was in frenzy; every one of his nerves tingled with need and desire, spreading heat like fire on his skin. His back was starting to stick to the bed, and he struggled for a breath. Adam didn't stop, he watched hungrily as Kris writhed under him.

"You like this?" he asked, but Kris was too incoherent to put together a response. He bucked his hips up, moaning and panting and struggling because the sensation was so much, too much, but it wasn't quite enough. His cock leaked pre-cum and Adam's fist was catching the moisture, spreading it and sliding his hand more freely, much faster now. The younger singer's body was twisting upward, his hands clawing at the bed sheets and bunching them in his fists. "Adam, fuck, Adam, _fuck_," he heard himself repeating in a low, low whisper under his breath. Adam was rubbing his own erection slowly against Kris, growling. The bed was squeaking under them.

Kris felt himself getting closer, and everything was intensifying. Adam's free hand traveled up and pinched, twisted and squeezed Kris' nipple, and Kris cried out, leaving his mouth open. They were probably being a little too loud, but neither man could have cared less at the moment.

"Gonna come for me, baby?" Adam asked in a harsh, shaky voice. The question almost sounded like a command. Kris nodded, his eyebrows drawn together in a needy, desperate expression.

Kris was so close he felt like he might die. He saw flashes of dark colors under his eyelids, and every muscle in his body felt constricted. Adam's hand was tight around his cock, and he moved it so fast, so much faster than Katy usually could. It felt unreal. He jerked against Adam's body and a dry, low-pitched noise came from his throat. Cum spurted onto his stomach, and some spilled over onto the sheets. Adam moaned, and Kris thrust against his hand a few more times, sucking in breaths of air. "Jeez," he said groggily after a few seconds.

Adam leaned down, trying to catch some of the cum that was spilling down Kris' side with his tongue. Kris watched him with wide eyes, propping himself up on his elbows. "Doesn't that taste bad?" he asked, sounding scratchy. Adam lapped up the semen off of the younger man's stomach, dipping his tongue into Kris' belly button and kissing, sucking, and biting all over his skin. Kris chuckled.

Adam lifted his head and looked into Kris' eyes, licking his lips. Kris watched him eagerly, trying to understand. "There's no way that tastes good," he said, smiling a little.

"How would you know?" Adam said, crawling over to plant a kiss on his mouth. Kris struggled, but Adam stuck his tongue inside, licking around to share the taste. When he opened his eyes and pulled away, Kris was cringing. "Ew," he said. "That is nasty as hell."

"I like it."

"You're gay," Kris teased, and Adam laughed.

"It's your turn now," Adam said after a few seconds, grinning.

"I don't think I have any strength left," Kris laughed jokingly.

"Should have thought of that before," Adam said, rubbing against him.

"What do I do?" Kris asked, giving Adam a kiss.

"Touch my cock," Adam stated obviously. "Or we can do something else, if you want."

Kris smiled nervously. "Sorry, I'm so bad at this," he sighed. "It's new to me." He reached down Adam's body to tug his pants down, and Adam let out a shaky breath. He held Adam's cock in right hand, moving slowly, and Adam moaned, "Yeah," against his ear.

Kris pushed Adam gently off him, and Adam rolled onto his back with a smile. He leaned over and sucked on Adam's nipple softly, unsure, while his hand worked along Adam's erection steadily. Adam moaned and grabbed Kris' hair, digging his fingers in. The reaction was encouraging, so Kris sucked harder, scraping his teeth along the nipple, too. Adam inhaled sharply, raising his hips into Kris' hand.

Adam's skin felt so rough, and his cock was so smooth, and Kris was soon trailing his mouth all around Adam's chest, shoulders and neck, licking and sucking at his sweet-tasting skin. He loved Adam's body, and he loved touching him and tasting him.

"Yeah, baby," Adam moaned in a heavy voice. "That's so good." Kris smiled against Adam's neck, working his arm the best he could. Up and down, up and down, squeezing and stroking, faster and faster; the way he'd always done it to himself.

Adam was biting his lip, breathing heavily through his nose. Kris spit on his hand, and pumped Adam, even faster. "Fuck yeah," Adam hissed quietly, moving his hips against Kris' hand.

Kris groaned. Seeing Adam like this was really, really sexy. He put his mouth over Adam's nipple again, being sure to keep his hand at a quick pace. Adam moaned, a little loudly, as he bucked his hips up more.

"Yeah, yeah, oh fuck _yeah_," Adam panted, tangling one hand into Kris' hair and the other into his own. He moved around desperately, trying to feel more of the touch, bucking against Kris' hand a little more wildly and making small noises.

Kris was about to ask if he was getting close when Adam groaned, coming all over his stomach and Kris' hand. Kris found himself struggling for breath; he could feel the intensity of Adam's orgasm as his hips twitched once, twice, three times into his hand.

A few moments of silence followed as they slowly recovered. Then Adam sighed, wiping sweat from his forehead. "Baby, _baby_," he said between deep breaths. "You're so good at that."

Kris smiled wide, extremely pleased with himself. He reached for a tissue and wiped his hand clean, and then wiped it over Adam's stomach. Adam sighed deeply again and leaned over to kiss Kris gratefully. Kris smiled again, and pressed himself against Adam's heated skin.

"It's so late," Kris said. "I haven't been sleeping at all lately because of you."

"Yeah," Adam laughed. "We'll probably get about two hours of sleep from now on."

"Wish you could stay here," Kris said tiredly.

"I think I will," Adam responded evenly. "If it's cool with you."

"Ok, sure," Kris joked.

"I'm serious. We can lock the door and if Alli or Danny comes to wake us up, you can just say I slept in the other bed. We just stayed up talking."

Kris laughed, thinking for a second. "Why would we tell them the door was locked?"

"…Oh. Right." Adam frowned.

"Creep. Now go to your room so we can get a least a little sleep."

"Now that your bed is all sticky and sweaty," Adam said, laughing as he got up.

"Gross," Kris said. "Next time we're going to your room."

"Deal."

"…If I'm still here tomorrow night," Kris added. He suddenly felt choked up at the thought that there was a good chance he wouldn't be.

Adam smiled sadly. "If one of us leaves, we'll know it's for the best. Right?"

"Yeah," Kris said. "Goodnight."

"Sleep well." Adam walked quietly out of the room, blowing a kiss before he closed the door. Kris stared at the closed door for a long time before finally drifting off.

* * *

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	7. Addiction

The four remaining contestants stood in a line on stage. The lights dimmed as Seacrest walked over holding a card, assuring the audience that the names would be announced in a random order.

"The first person safe tonight," he said dramatically, "is… Kris Allen!"

Applause, cheering, shouting, and Kris tried to remember if that was his name. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, Adam's, and relief swept through him. He fell into Adam's hug, feeling as if he might fall over. Everyone congratulated him as he smiled brightly. He'd been a mess all day. He was so sure that he would be leaving; he'd been savoring every moment of his day so he would remember it when he went home. But he wasn't going home. He was staying for another week. He felt blessed that America had so much support for him.

Soon there was another commercial break, and Kris stood up from his safe chair and walked back to everyone else.

"I'm so nervous!" he heard Allison say. "Seriously, dudes, I'm shaking over here." Adam pulled her close to his chest and pet her hair lovingly. Kris stood near them, watching.

"I hate this damn suspense," Adam said, and Kris saw the stress on his face. He slid his arm around Adam's torso, patting Allison's back with his other hand. Danny laughed as he stood alone, excluded from the three-way hug.

"It's so good that you're safe!" Allison said. "I was so scared for you."

"Thanks, Alli," Kris said kindly, pulling away slowly. The atmosphere was tense, and a producer motioned for Kris to sit back down before the show came back on.

"Good luck, you guys," Kris said, sparing a glance in Danny's direction, too. Danny smiled and nodded, Allison gave a nervous look, and Adam looked back down at her before pulling her into another tight hug.

"_If one of us leaves, we'll know it's for the best,"_ Adam had said last night.

Kris' stomach squirmed in fearful anticipation. He deeply hoped that wasn't the case. They finally got back to the results, and Adam, Allison, and Danny stood close together, heads down like they were in a huddle.

"…Adam Lambert!" Ryan announced. Everyone cheered and girls in every row of the audience screamed, "I love you, Adam!"

Adam, the tallest one on the stage, stood up straight with a relieved smile. He paused to give a sympathetic hug to Allison and Danny, and walked towards Kris with a mixed expression. Kris was ecstatic, and he put his arm up on Adam's shoulder when the older singer sat down next to him. He leaned over and said, "Lucky nail polish!" into Adam's ear, and both men laughed. Kris looked down at his blue thumb; the nail polish was starting to chip off, but it really was giving him some good luck. He was happy he'd decided to keep it on.

Ryan soon announced after a long dramatic pause that Danny was safe, and Kris couldn't believe it. His eyes started stinging when Allison smiled like it was no big deal, and Danny grinned, patting her on the back. Allison didn't deserve to go. She was a much more talented singer than he was himself. Kris went from feeling extremely relieved to overwhelmingly guilty. He looked over at Adam, who was holding back tears, too. The show was like living a dream, but it was increasingly difficult to see others getting shot down, all for your own benefit. It was tougher than Kris had ever thought it would be.

After the show ended, Adam held Allison tight, telling her how great she was, how much he loved her. "You know you're a star," Adam said to her. "You don't need this show to tell you that." Allison looked up and laughed, but it sounded like a small sob. Kris looked on sadly, and then said his goodbyes, too.

----

Living with just Adam and Danny was a little strange at first. The two would usually avoid conversing with each other because of how often they disagreed, so the house was so much quieter without Allison around. Neither Kris nor Adam really wanted to hang out with Danny unless they had to, so they spent a lot more time together.

On Thursday they spent most of their evening watching TV, laughing, and talking about whatever they wanted to. It was still so weird, and continuously surprising, that they tended to agree on most things, and that they got along so well. Conversations flowed smoothly with Adam because he always had something interesting to say. Neither of them talked with negativity either, Kris noticed. Talks between them always stayed pleasant, no matter what the topic. The more time Kris spent with Adam, the more he realized just how much he really, genuinely enjoyed being with him. It wasn't just lust and attraction that drew him towards Adam, it was friendship too. Kris felt much better about the situation when he thought about it from that perspective.

But then again, it wasn't Adam's friendship that had been keeping Kris from getting enough sleep each night.

Tomorrow they would be going back to their hometowns for a visit. Kris had no idea what to expect, but it was definitely exciting. Home felt like a completely different world from _Idol_. Kris went into his room later that night to pack a few things for the trip back to Arkansas, and Adam soon followed him in cheerfully.

"Busy," Kris said jokingly, not bothering to look up.

"Did I tell you I'm going back to my high school tomorrow?" Adam said, grinning. "How crazy!"

"You told me," Kris laughed.

"Why aren't you excited?!" Adam yelled, throwing his arms around.

"I'm excited," Kris responded. "I'm just nervous, too."

"You're always nervous," Adam said, rolling his eyes as he walked over to sit on Kris' bed. "It'll be fine, there's nothing to be nervous about!"

"It's just…" Kris paused, and then laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Stop worrying and just have fun."

Kris nodded. He was nervous about spending a day with Katy, but if he told that to Adam then he'd only get worried and probably feel guilty. Kris hadn't been able to spend time with Katy in a while, and he couldn't wait, but he knew he would probably feel guilty around her. Cheating with Adam wasn't something Kris could bring himself to regret, but he would still probably feel completely shitty when he saw his wife again. Telling that to Adam wouldn't help either of them, so he just kept it to himself.

He sat down next to Adam, and Adam's arm looped around his waist, pulling him closer. They'd spent so many nights together that these little actions were almost automatic. Kris didn't mind at all; it felt nice to have that closeness with Adam. It always reminded him that they weren't doing this because they were horny or because they were lonely. They were together because it was them, it was comfortable, and it felt very natural for them both. Smiling, Kris put his hand on the back of Adam's head, pulling him down into a quick kiss. His other hand absently played with the bottom hem of Adam's shirt, occasionally stroking skin briefly with his finger.

"I wish we could just have a day off," Adam said. "We're always busy. It's exhausting. I want to just sit around for a day and do nothing, you know?"

"Yeah, tell me about it," Kris said lazily. "We should get to bed, though. I want to get sleep tonight."

Adam frowned. "Kiss me for a while first. I won't get to see you for a couple days."

Kris chucked loudly. "You better get used to it, man!"

"Don't laugh at me!" Adam yelled, smacking his hands against Kris' chest playfully. He pushed Kris backwards and leaned over him quickly, pressing their mouths together. Kris pushed him off, still laughing a little. "Time for bed," he said. "Go back to your room!"

"Fine, fine, fine," Adam grumbled. He leaned down once more to steal another kiss. He stayed that way for a few more seconds before saying, "'Night."

"Wait, stay a little longer," Kris blurted out, holding Adam down on him. "I changed my mind."

Adam laughed happily. "You can't resist my charm at all." He brought his mouth down onto Kris' neck, tasting him.

"Whatever," Kris said, lifting his chin so Adam could access more of his neck. He let his hands slide down the Adam's sides and quietly gasped as Adam bit him, right under his jaw line. His hands slid under Adam's shirt and felt up the smooth skin of his back. "You feel nice," he said, his voice heavy.

"Today was scary," Adam breathed against his neck, rubbing his body briefly against Kris'. Kris felt himself start to sweat a little as his skin heated up, fast. He nodded his head in response, closing his eyes and trying not to breathe too loudly.

Adam kissed him suddenly, and Kris felt strong, quick hands starting to work on his belt. He tried to pull away from Adam's mouth to protest, but Adam kissed him harder, keeping him quiet. Kris' belt and pants were soon undone, and Adam broke the kiss to look down at Kris lustfully.

"I'm glad we're both still here," he said, reaching his hand down Kris' pants to stroke the skin on his inner thighs. Kris choked on his breath and thrust his hips up at the air, and Adam giggled teasingly, touching and rubbing every part of Kris' skin around his cock.

"Come on," Kris whined, his hips twitching helplessly. Adam ran a finger, very lightly, over Kris' length. Kris inhaled and Adam smiled, licking his lips.

"Kris, you still up?" Danny called out. He was down the hall, walking towards them. The door was still open. The warmth of Adam's body left as he slid quickly off of him, all before Kris had time to react. Danny's footsteps were close, and Kris tried desperately to zip his pants back up. He leaned forward, letting his shirt cover up his undone belt before Danny peeked his head in.

"Hey guys," Danny greeted when he stood at the doorway. His eyes moved from Adam to Kris, back and forth, and his smile was slowly fading. Kris' heart pounded in his chest and he knew he looked guilty. Adam was sitting comfortably next to him, smiling casually. "Hey," Kris said, managing to make his voice sound even.

"You okay?" Danny asked, unsure. He looked completely confused.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Kris responded hurriedly. "What's up?"

"You're beet red," Danny pointed out, laughing nervously. Kris felt sweat creep down his neck, and Danny shook his head lightly, apparently letting it go, or maybe trying to shake any crazy theories that might've been collecting there. "Hah, nevermind, I was just coming to say goodnight to you guys. You all packed for tomorrow?"

Kris swallowed, trying so hard not to look uncomfortable. He lifted his arm to scratch at the back of his head, cracking a smile. "Yeah, sorry, I was just talking to Adam about stuff. I'm mostly packed, what about you?"

"I'm all ready to go to Milwaukee," Danny said, grinning. His eyes traveled between Kris to Adam still. "Where are you going again?" he asked Adam.

"San Diego," Adam said. "I still need to finish packing my stuff."

Danny nodded slowly, leaning awkwardly against the doorway. "Cool, cool," he muttered. "Well goodnight, you guys."

"Yeah, goodnight," Kris said. He hoped he wasn't speaking too loud; it was harder to hear with his pulse pounding in his ears.

"Sleep well," Adam added as Danny walked off.

"Jesusfuckingchrist-" Kris said under his breath when he couldn't hear Danny's footsteps anymore. Adam tried to hold back a laugh, and he quickly turned to try and lean himself back over Kris' body, but Kris pushed him away. "What're you _doing_, Adam? Close the fucking door!"

"Calm down, Kris," Adam laughed. "Danny won't be coming back."

"We should've had the door closed! Did you see his face?!"

"Don't worry; you covered it up pretty good."

"This is bad!" Kris grabbed at the sides of his head, looking up in frantic thought.

"Kris," Adam said more seriously. "It's completely fine. Danny doesn't know anything."

"Adam! He just fucking walked in on us!"

"He didn't walk in on anything. We were sitting here."

"Looking guilty as hell!"

Adam hooked an arm around Kris' neck, pulling them close together. "Maybe you were. But you told him we were talking about stuff. It was a good excuse."

"Do you have any idea what would've happened if he'd walked in earlier?"

"It's fine," Adam comforted, rubbing his scalp. "He didn't walk in earlier, so everything's fine. We'll remember to close the door from now on, right?"

"Fuck you," Kris said, burying his face into Adam's shoulder. He didn't think he'd ever been so scared in his entire life. The scenario of Danny walking in sooner kept flashing through his head. It was the worst thing he could imagine, and it had just almost happened.

"It's completely fine," Adam repeated calmly. "Want me to close the door now?"

Kris thought for a moment. "It's probably time for bed. You should go to your room."

"You mean it this time?" Adam said, laughing quietly.

"Yeah, man, we need sleep. We've gotta be up by like six."

"Alright," Adam said, standing up. "See you tomorrow."

Kris fell back onto his bed. "'Night," he said back.

----

Kris woke up at 4:46 AM. He must have fallen asleep with his mouth open, because his throat was so dry that it had actually woke him up. It was painful, and Kris eased out of bed to walk to the bathroom. The kitchen was too far away, and he only needed some water. He flicked on the light switch and the brightness burned his eyes; he could barely see. Squinting tightly, he wandered to the sink and turned the water on before leaning over to drink from the faucet. The cold water felt incredible on his throat, and he drank until his stomach felt full. Standing back up with a content sigh, Kris turned off the water and wiped his face with a towel. He only had about another hour to sleep before he'd have to get back up.

Instead of walking back to his own room, he walked straight to Adam's, not bothering to sneak around. He heard Adam wake up when he walked over a squeaky floorboard, and he took another two steps to stand next to the older singer's bed.

"Come here," Adam slurred. He almost sounded like he was still asleep. Kris happily slid into his bed, throwing his arm over Adam's shoulder. "Hey," he said.

"Am I dreaming?" Adam asked, sounding a little more awake. "What're you doing in my bed in the middle of the night?"

"It's almost 5 in the morning," Kris said, correcting him. "I'm not tired."

"I was just having a vivid dream about you," Adam said. He placed a hand on Kris' lower back and pulled him closer, brushing their lips together before kissing him hungrily.

"What kind of dream?" Kris whispered after he pulled away from the kiss.

"The best kind," Adam replied sleepily.

"Tell me about it," Kris said, interested. "What were we doing?"

"Can I show you?" Adam asked, opening his eyes to look at Kris' face.

Kris paused, a blush heating his cheeks. "Well, tell me first."

"It's not too bad," Adam said. "Let me show you."

"Fine," Kris said with a smile. "Show me."

Adam grabbed Kris' hand, and pressed their bodies together even closer. Holding the his hand gently, Adam pressed it against his stomach and slid it downward. Kris swallowed and closed his eyes, so he could better feel Adam's skin sliding under his fingers. Adam's hand guided his, sliding under the waistband of his pants, then his briefs. Kris moaned when Adam wrapped their hands around his stiff erection, and he heard Adam's breaths becoming strained. He opened his eyes and Adam was biting his lip, looking down as he moved Kris' hand back and forth along his cock.

"You're so sexy," Kris said in awe.

Adam looked at him, and then looked down again. "This feels really good," he said. His voice was shaky and quiet. "It feels better than it did in the dream." His breath rattled out of his lungs, and he drew it back in with a hiss, arching his back and moving his and Kris' hand faster.

"Adam, oh God," Kris breathed. "This is so fucking hot." He was watching as Adam basically jerked himself off, only he was able to feel all of the movements through his own hand. "This is so hot, Adam," he said again, moving his hips forward to rub himself against the older singer's body, feeling some of the friction of Adam's hand working.

"Yeah," Adam said with a grunt, pumping himself even faster. He rubbed Kris' hand over the head of his cock, squeezing Kris' fingers against it, before thrusting himself against into their hands again. His cock was starting to get slippery, and Adam moved their hands in time with his thrusts, getting as much friction as possible. Kris was so turned on he couldn't think straight. He wanted so badly to feel all that great moisture and pressure over his own cock. He rubbed himself against Adam more passionately, moaning when Adam did, but a little louder. He watched and listened as Adam shook, making some of the most beautiful sounds he'd ever heard.

"Can I come?" Adam asked him, panting hot air against his face.

"_Yeah_," Kris moaned, the word stretching on until it was a rough, needy sound deep in his throat. Adam jerked his hips forward as Kris did the same, rubbing against him with desperation. Adam's mouth opened in a shallow gasp as he tightened Kris' hand around his cock and came. His body twitched, and Kris felt like he was shaking, too. He watched as Adam moaned and squirmed, and he felt hot cum dripping on his fingers and on his stomach.

He kissed Adam fiercely, rolling his tongue in the older singer's mouth and sucking on his lips, panting and moaning his name and humping him shamelessly. Adam kissed back lazily, still on a cloud. Kris felt like he could come just by rubbing his cock against Adam if he wanted to, even through their clothing. He couldn't remember ever feeling so turned on before.

"Did you like that?" Adam asked huskily.

"Yes," Kris answered in a shaky breath, still rubbing desperately against him. "That was the hottest thing… ever."

Adam laughed with a hum, and held Kris' hips still. "Lie down," he said. Kris rolled over to lie on his back, and Adam took his hand again. He watched as the older singer took his index finger into his mouth and sucked it, licking some cum off of it. Kris' breathing sped up and his eyes widened. Adam put his free hand over Kris' crotch, rubbing him gently as he took another finger and slipped it through his lips. Kris let his head fall back onto the pillow as he eased his hips up and down against Adam's touch, enjoying the added feel of Adam's mouth on his hand. He couldn't help but wish that mouth was sucking on him somewhere else.

The older singer licked Kris' palm with a smooth swipe, and kissed in between his knuckles, getting every bit of sperm off his skin. Kris waited impatiently for Adam's attention to get back to his crotch, and bucked his hips as a reminder. Adam still took his sweet time, smiling. When he finished cleaning Kris' hand, he let it fall onto the bed and he moved down to kiss Kris' collarbone. Adam moved down further, tasting Kris' nipple briefly and earning a heavy and shuddering sigh, before the kissed his way down his stomach. Kris knew where this was going, and he knew it was exactly what he wanted, more than anything in the entire world. Adam's hair fell onto his skin and brushed against him softly. He arched his back and rolled his hips up, urging Adam to move lower, now. Adam complied and his steady, graceful fingers pulled Kris' pants down, and Kris felt the urge to shiver when his cock met the cool air of Adam's bedroom.

"Do you want me to?" Adam asked politely, but kept his mouth _very_ close to Kris' aching erection, teasing him. There was no way Kris would have say no, and both of them knew it.

Kris whimpered and moved his hips again. "Please," he said, burying his fingers in Adam's hair. Adam wrapped his lips immediately around the side of Kris' cock, licking as he slid his mouth up to the tip. Kris panted and moved helplessly, wanting more. Adam licked again, expertly, from base to tip, before slipping the head into his mouth and sucking gently.

"_Fu-uck_," Kris gasped, stretching the word as he arched his body and grabbed handfuls of Adam's soft, dark hair. He was already so close, he wasn't sure he could last much longer. Lowering his head to take more of Kris into his mouth, Adam hummed and let his hands travel over Kris' thighs, squeezing.

When Adam's tongue slid over and pressed against Kris' slit, he knew he couldn't hold on anymore. He made an embarrassing sound and clenched Adam's hair. Adam moved his mouth up and down, fast, as Kris tried to form a sentence.

"I-… I'm gonna co-" Kris tried to say, his voice cracking and the words trailing off into gasps and throaty moans. Adam moved faster, holding Kris' thighs firmly as his head smoothly bobbed up and down. Kris panted, his eyes tightly shut, and he felt Adam swallowing. His quick tongue trailed all over Kris' cock until Kris relaxed and his body fell back down onto the bed.

Kris sighed with a huff, and Adam lifted his head to smirk at him. "You're good at that," Kris said, amazed.

"Yeah," Adam said with a laugh. "Well, you know."

Kris stared at the ceiling. "Did that really just happen?" he asked, breathing.

"I think so." Adam giggled quietly and licked his lips.

"Time is it?" Kris asked lazily, turning his head to catch a glimpse at the alarm clock. It was 5:19 AM, now. He laughed softly.

"What's funny?" Adam asked, crawling up to lie next to him.

"We still have like 40 minutes before we have to get up," Kris said. "Wanna go back to sleep?"

"Not tired," Adam said, leaning forward to kiss him sloppily.

"Me neither," Kris said between kisses. They both slid their arms freely along each other's bodies, and Kris said, "Wouldn't it be awesome if we made the top two?" Adam giggled and kissed his cheek.

"We could have this whole place to ourselves," Kris said, smiling at the thought. "I don't wanna get my hopes up or anything, but that would be pretty sweet, wouldn't it?"

"I'd like that," Adam said simply, grabbing Kris' hips and jerking him forward playfully. Kris looked into his eyes and wondered if Adam wasn't his favorite person in the world.

----

When 6 AM came around, Kris and Adam got up, showered, ate breakfast, and prepared to go to their hometowns. Danny treated them like normal, Kris noticed, which was a relief, and it helped him to calm down slightly about last night's ordeal.

The three men squeezed into a limo that drove them to the airport. Kris and Adam sat next to each other and spent the ride talking about what they expected or hoped to see during their visits. Kris slowly became more excited about it; all the fans, seeing his family, and being on the news all seemed pretty fun. When they went separate ways to board their flights, Adam and Kris exchanged a brief smile good-bye, and Kris waved to Danny.

----

The flight took a really long time, and Kris loved every second of it. He relaxed, got an hour or two of sleep, and was able to finally have some calm, private time with his thoughts. He thought of the show, of Adam, of his songs and singing, of Adam. He thought of Danny Gokey, he thought of Adam, he thought of the judges, he thought of the musicians, and he thought even more about Adam.

What was there to think about? He knew what was happening. He knew it wasn't right, he already knew that, but traveling away from Adam and back to his wife and family made it seem… so much more wrong than it had before. His life had changed so much on _Idol_, and Adam had been there as Kris became a different person. Now he felt as if Adam knew him better than his own family did.

He felt uncomfortable now. His relationship with Adam was something he'd thought about a million times before, and he knew that Adam would always, somehow, be a part of his life. He knew that he wanted Adam, badly, but he'd somehow just assumed that the fixation, the _need_, would be temporary; it would be something that would soon run itself out of his system when he'd had enough, like a craving. He'd been wrong. The more he got from Adam, the more he wanted. Kris had just thought that it would stop after he got his fix, but it had only left him feeling more, wanting more of Adam near him, touching him, holding him. Was this addiction?

Kris had told Adam a few weeks ago that he was addicted to him, as cheesy as it sounded. At the time he thought it was the truth, but that feeling was nothing compared to how Kris felt around Adam now. Kris had never really taken addictive drugs before, and he'd never developed an addiction to anything, so he didn't know what it felt like. This must be it, he thought. He couldn't imagine addiction could feel more powerful than the intensity of the pure _want_ he experienced when he was with Adam Lambert.

The more he thought about his relationship with Adam, the more he missed him already. That was just plain sad.

----

His plane landed in Little Rock, but he soon went to a hotel for the night; the real homecoming trip would begin tomorrow. The hotel room was dark and lonely. He kept opening his eyes just as he was about to drift into sleep, half-waiting for his door to creak open. It was a strange habit he'd formed, not being able to fall asleep until Adam came to see him. He forced his eyes shut and slept face-down, throwing the sheet over his head.

----

The next day was crazy. Kris navigated through mazes of shrieking fans, signing so many posters, pictures, and papers that his hand began moving to shape his signature without Kris having to think about it at all. Cameras were shoved into his face every other second, and Kris glued a smile on his face. When he was able to slide into his limo for a break from the noise, he couldn't relax his face completely. It was a little scary at first, but after a few hours of being in Conway he got used to his face feeling stiff.

When he first saw Katy, he hugged her like he hadn't seen her in years. He squeezed her against his chest, feeling her golden hair and warm skin, reminding himself that this was his wife, the love of his life, and he loved her more than anything. She soon jabbed him in the side, and the first words she said to him were, "Kris, hun, let me go!"

He pulled away from her, embarrassed. "Sorry," he said, eyes wide, taking her in.

"I missed you too," she said, her smile lighting up her face. "But you're gonna make me pass out if you hug me like that again!"

Kris half-smiled, pulling her into a gentler hug. He hadn't realized the difference between her and Adam's hugs until then. Adam's were so much rougher, and felt more meaningful and satisfying. He never thought man-hugs would be something he enjoyed so much. He shook his head at the thought, and gave Katy a sweet peck on the lips when she pulled away from the hug. He'd missed seeing her skin glowing in the sunlight; she was so gorgeous.

He and Katy rode on the back of a car like a celebrity couple, surrounded by fans left and right, and it rained confetti. He waved, grinning humbly at the screaming teenagers, and he didn't have time to think of anything other than the present. It was nice to not have to think for the time being, but he was waiting for some kind of terrible guilt to set in. He was relieved when it didn't.

Later, Kris was driven to meet up with his family. They were all crowded around outside his parents' house in a mob of familiar, warm faces, and Kris was so happy to see them all. He grabbed his dad into a hug first, swaying as he buried his head into his shoulder. His dad was crying, and Kris smiled at how emotional he always was.

"Love you, Dad," he said quietly into his ear, rubbing his back. His father muttered something about being so proud of him in between small sobs, and Kris smiled big. The reunion felt a lot less real with all the cameras around, and Kris found that he wasn't able to enjoy it fully. He managed to make it look like he was overwhelmingly happy, though, so his family was pleased with their meeting. He sighed, and part of him wished that _American Idol_ didn't have to change his life quite so much. He'd never get to be just another guy again, no matter how much he would probably soon want to be.

The rest of the day went according to Kris' predetermined schedule, and he revisited some of his favorite places, and met a ton more people. The high energy that surrounded him was more than enough to keep a solid grin on his face.

----

He slept in another hotel that night, and sorted through all of the day's excitement. Seeing Katy was great, and Kris honestly wished they could've spent more time together. He tried not to compare Katy and Adam, but his mind kept jumping between them, back and forth, and he couldn't help but notice how they felt like two completely separate universes. His breath caught whenever he recalled his morning with Adam two days ago, and comparing that to sex with Katy seemed near impossible. He couldn't compare them; they were so, so different.

Katy was his life, his entire life. Up until _American Idol_. Now his life was Adam, and that just wasn't okay.

He shook his head back and forth. It needed to stop. Any sort of future with Adam wouldn't be possible, so why the fuck was he screwing up his life and wasting his time with him? He knew the answer, but suddenly it didn't seem good enough. Adam was amazing, and so sexy that it shouldn't even be allowed, and Kris adored him. He loved talking to him and being around him, and he especially loved fooling around with him. Everything about Adam made Kris' brain whirl with pleasure and excitement.

Kris lay awake, thinking, and he knew he had to end it. The thrill of being with Adam was great, but it definitely wasn't worth jeopardizing his entire life and future with Katy. It would be really difficult, but he knew he had to stick to it. If things kept on the way they were, Kris knew he would end up ashamed, guilty, and just fucked up. Stopping now could be his way of redeeming himself, somewhat. His time with Adam was undeniably fun, but he had to stop and get serious.

His cell phone lit up, buzzing on the nightstand. Kris reached for it and flipped it open. A text from Adam. He sat for a minute, wondering what it might say, before opening it. It said "_Hows ur visit going? Miss me yet?_" Looking at it almost made Kris feel sick, both from guilt and fear. He'd let this whole thing go way too far. "_No, I need to talk to you when we get back_," he texted back. He swallowed hard before hitting send. Breaking his addiction was going to be painful.

He closed his eyes, and quietly prayed to God for strength to help him through it. He knew he'd need it.

* * *

OMG- does this story seriously have some sort of plot going?! Nice.

I like writing about awkward moments with Danny. :3

If you like the story, you should add me on livejournal! My journal is friends-only but I add anyone who asks OR just adds me as a friend.

Review! Pretty please?


	8. Withdrawal

The flight back to Los Angeles seemed to take so much longer than the flight out. Kris only had a few hours of sleep the night before, and the plane had left so early in the morning. He'd tried to go back to sleep in his seat, but he couldn't. His mind wouldn't stop.

Kris tried to think more about the songs he'd be singing for the show, but he felt like he had to get the Adam situation done and over with before he could move on to everything else that was on his plate. He went over the plan in his head again and again.

He kept typing out new texts to Adam's phone, saying things like "_what are you doing now_" and "_this is the longest flight ever_," but he didn't send any of them. He felt like sending Adam a text would be like leading him on. An hour before Kris' plane landed his phone vibrated in his hand, and he opened the new text message. "_Cant wait to get back and see u_!" Kris read it and closed the phone.

----

He arrived at the mansion first, walking straight to his room to set his stuff down. He walked around the building for a few minutes, pacing, and eventually sat down on the couch. After watching the TV Guide Channel for about fifteen minutes, tapping his foot, Kris felt like he was losing his nerve. Being back at the _Idol_ mansion set his brain into Adam-mode again. But Kris knew what he had to do, and there was no way he was going to back out of it now. It wasn't long before he heard Adam walk into the mansion, dragging one of his bags on the floor behind him.

"Kris?" Adam called out when he walked into the living room. Kris stood up and turned around to face him, forcing a smile. Adam grinned when he saw him, skipping over to attack Kris with a hug. It was tight; tighter than Katy would have liked for Kris to hug her.

"How was Conway? Tell me all about it!" Adam said, holding both of Kris' hands and swinging their arms slightly.

"Uhh…" Kris paused, unsure of what to do. He decided to talk normally, and break the news to Adam after they caught up. "Well it was pretty cool there. I mean, I got free cheese dip for life so…yeah."

"Wow, nice!" Adam said, laughing easily and completely oozing with joy. "What else did you do?"

Kris sighed and told Adam the story of his day; from how he'd seriously wondered if he'd go deaf from all the screaming girls, to how it felt to see his family again. It was really easy for Kris to talk about it when Adam nodded along with his stories, really listening.

"What about you?" Kris asked politely when he finished talking.

"I had so much fun!" Adam declared, walking a few steps away to tumble onto the couch. "Fans are awesome." Kris nodded and waited, trying to be patient, as Adam talked about some of his crazy experiences and all the events he went to. He walked over and sat in the chair next to the couch, thinking about what he was going to say to Adam as soon as the older singer was finished talking.

"…and suddenly this girl jumps on the stage in her bra!" Adam says, and Kris' attention was back on his story.

"What?" Kris asked, laughing. "Are you serious?"

"Completely serious! It was so crazy!"

"Wow," Kris said, amazed. "I don't know what I would do if that happened to me."

"I just laughed. It was so funny."

"Yeah, wow." Kris' eyes were wide.

Adam moved on with the story; he had so much to say. Kris leaned back in his chair, still a little nervous. He dug his fingers into his leg a little, and Adam noticed.

"What's wrong? You okay?" Adam asked. Kris nodded automatically in surprise.

"Yeah I'm okay," he started, and then took a breath. "I'm-"

"You still have that nail polish on you," Adam said with a smirk. Kris froze and looked down on at the bit of nail polish that remained on his thumb. Adam lifted his hand slightly, smiling, and started to say something else.

Both men turned when the door opened again. Danny was back.

"God dammit," Kris mumbled, frustrated. He needed to talk to Adam. Now.

Danny would obviously want to talk about his trip, and Kris currently didn't give a crap about any of that. He stood and grabbed Adam by the wrist, pulling him up and leading him out of the room.

"Let's go to my room," he said hurriedly. They'd only have a few minutes to talk before Danny would come looking for them, but it would be enough. Adam followed him, grinning.

"I had no idea you hated Danny so much," Adam said with a laugh when they got to Kris' room. He sat down on the bed, and faced Kris. Their knees were touching, and Kris was getting a head rush from the contact. Adam was looking at him, right in his eyes. Kris swallowed.

"I don't," he said. "I need to talk to you."

"Oh," Adam said, nodding. "Oh yeah, what was that text message last night all about?"

Kris paused, and he took in a breath. He knew what he was going to say next, but it was so difficult to get the words out. He took another quick breath.

"I can't do this anymore," he said quietly, far too afraid to look Adam in the eye. He wanted to sound firm and sure, but the statement ended up sounding like a question. Kris watched the wall, seeing Adam's change in posture from the corner of his eye; his shoulders sank and he slouched forward a little.

"Oh, okay," Adam said after a few seconds. His voice sounded even, but Kris still wasn't brave enough to look at his face.

"I'm sorry," Kris added. He could feel Adam's eyes on him, and he forced himself to glance up. Adam didn't look upset; he didn't look sad or angry or jealous at all. He looked calm and understanding, and Kris found his expression comforting.

"It's fine," Adam said. "I totally understand. I'm the one that should be sorry, anyway."

Kris watched him as he spoke, and he looked purely sincere. Kris wasn't nervous anymore. The wall that he thought had to be put between them now crumbled away, and Kris felt warm, sweet relief. Before he even thought about it, he had pulled Adam towards him into a hug. He had no idea what he should do now. He had no idea what he should say now. He let out a long sigh, right into Adam's shoulder. Adam patted him lightly on the back, and Kris pulled away.

"Can we still be friends?" Kris asked eventually, his voice still quiet. He knew it was a cliché, but it was the only thing he could say.

"Of course!" Adam said enthusiastically, smiling happily. "So what happened to make you decide this now?"

Kris shrugged, still feeling some guilt even though Adam didn't seem hurt, not even a little. "I just thought about it. I mean, I like being with you and everything, obviously," he said, laughing a little, "but I really need to stop it all now before my life gets seriously fucked, you know?" Adam nodded, still smiling. Kris watched his face, looking for any trace of negative emotion. He couldn't find any.

"You're not upset at all?" Kris asked, very curious.

"I knew it would happen eventually," Adam said, shrugging. "I mean, I told you I was willing as long as you were. It's not like we could do this forever. You've got Katy."

The relief of Adam not being upset was fading, and Kris was feeling a little hurt now. Had Adam really cared so little about him that he was able to just shrug it all off?

"Right," Kris replied, distracted.

Danny whistled, walking up the hallway and turning the corner to peek into Kris' room. He looked between Kris and Adam a little back and forth, but still smiled brightly.

"Hey man," he said. "How was Conway?"

----

Being back in Los Angeles meant getting back to the crazy _Idol_ schedule. Kris, Adam, and Danny spent the day rehearsing their songs and planning the arrangements. The each had to sing two this week.

Kris felt very overwhelmed. On top of all the _Idol_ stuff, he was frustrated that breaking it off with Adam hadn't made him feel better at all. Now every time they passed each other Adam would flash him a big, happy smile. Like he was _glad_ they weren't together. Like it hadn't affected him at all.

He started thinking even more negatively; he couldn't help but think that Adam had probably just used him the entire time. He probably did it to countless other guys, and just walked away with that fucking _smile_ on his face, every time.

He didn't have it in him to fake a smile back to Adam when they passed each other. So much for still being friends.

----

Later, when it was finally time to get back to the mansion and get some sleep, Kris wasn't tired at all. Instead of going to sleep he stayed in the living room, flipping through channels and watching scenes of old movies. His mind was just exhausted, and he didn't want to think about Adam anymore. What good would it do, anyway? He wanted to be free from him and that's exactly what he got. Only he didn't _feel_ free. There was nothing about the situation that should have been making Kris feel the way he was feeling now. He wanted to go back in time to just a few nights ago, when he'd felt so blissful and complete, lying in Adam's bed with him. But there was no going back to that now.

Why was he even bothering to think about it? He was through with Adam now, that was all history, and now he had to look towards his future. Everything that would happen after _American Idol_, everything that would happen in his life with Katy, that's the stuff he should be thinking about now that the Adam chapter has officially closed. But he wasn't thinking about any of those things.

He decided to just admit it to himself: he missed Adam already. He missed him a hell of a lot. He knew that it would be hard to break his Adam habit, but he didn't expect to be using every ounce of his willpower to keep from creeping into Adam's room and making up. He needed to feel Adam's skin. He needed to feel those strong arms around him, and he needed to taste Adam's fucking _smell_.

He thought of Katy. He thought of God. He didn't need Adam, he needed more faith in the Lord and in himself.

The one thing that was killing him, though: how could Adam be so unaffected by it all?

"What're you doing up?"

Kris' eyes opened wide, but he didn't turn around. Of course Adam would come out of nowhere. Of course.

"I'm not tired," Kris said, monotone. His body was reacting to Adam's presence. All he had to do is just walk into the room and Kris is getting hard already. Of course. Adam sat down next to him, looking him right in the face. Kris grinded his teeth.

"What are you watching?" Adam asked, leaning back with a sigh, like it's just another night. He was acting so nonchalant and normal that Kris wanted to turn and punch him. He was so frustrated he could scream. He doesn't know what the fuck he's watching, he doesn't even know.

"Are you okay?" Adam asked. "You've been acting weird all day."

_No_, he thought loudly to himself, but sighed and said, "I'm fine."

Adam ran a hand through his black hair, stroking his head lightly with his fingers, and Kris wanted so badly for Adam to touch _him_. He could feel the empty space between them, pulling him and adding to the madness in his head.

"You should go away," he said. He really couldn't handle this. Adam looked at him, questioning, and Kris forced himself to just say it. "I'm having a hard time."

Adam sat up straight, alarmed. "I'm sorry!" he blurted out. "Kris, I'm so sorry! I didn't think about it." He started to stand up, but then said, "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It won't help," Kris mumbled, feeling miserable. "Just go," he said again, his voice shaky.

"I'll leave if you really want me to, Kris, but I think we should talk about it. I think it'll help."

Kris looked over at Adam, and tried desperately to calm down, just a little. 'It's not that bad, he's just sitting next to you, pull it together,' he told himself. He took a few steady breaths before asking, "What's there to talk about?"

"You tell me," Adam said easily. Everything was so easy for him. "What's bothering you?"

"_You_," Kris said, really meaning it. He said it strong, he wanted to make Adam feel guilty.

"Did I do something..?" Adam asked slowly, frowning.

At first Kris wanted to say nothing, leave Adam to figure it out on his own. But he was trying hard not to be bitter. He just needed to find the best way to work through this so that he could rest his mind and get over it as quickly as possible.

"I'm wondering why you're so okay with this," Kris said, tired. "Am I the only one who actually feels like I'm losing something here?"

"What? No," Adam said hurriedly. "I'm just-… Kris, I'm trying to make this all as painless as possible. I want you to know that I don't want to come between you and Katy anymore. Isn't that what you want?"

His logic made perfect sense, Kris knew. Adam had been trying to avoid any drama in order to make it easier on him. It should've be what Kris wanted, but it wasn't. He shook his head, not knowing how to explain himself.

"Talk to me," Adam said, commanding.

Kris didn't know what to say. He'd always thought that he and Adam felt the same things while they were together, but he must've been wrong. If Adam wasn't even bothered that it was over, then there was no way he cared about Kris as much as Kris cared about him.

Adam sighed angrily. "Of course I feel like I'm losing something, Kris. I just don't want to express that to you because it'll make everything harder. Don't you get it?"

"Acting like everything's just _wonderful_ doesn't help, either," Kris spat.

"Well what do you want me to _do_?" Adam asked through clenched teeth. He was getting upset, and Kris secretly enjoyed the reaction. This is what he wanted. He wanted to know that Adam cared about the situation.

He looked up into Adam's eyes, and the need was back. He tightened his muscles, fighting the urges that bombarded him. "I don't know," he said, quiet.

Adam's eyes softened, and he started to move closer to Kris, but quickly stopped himself. It took all of Kris' willpower not to collapse into Adam's arms. He wished there was another way to make his stress melt away.

"You could just act a little more real," Kris suggested, and Adam nodded immediately.

"I think I get it," Adam said. "I'm sorry. I'm not going to be miserable around you, but I shouldn't be acting completely cheerful, either. I didn't realize how much it would bother you."

"Whatever," Kris said, feeling a little better from the talk, "it's cool."

"We're cool?" Adam asked. Just then, Kris glanced down and noticed Adam's nail polish. His right thumb was the only one that wasn't painted. Everything came crashing into Kris' consciousness and he suddenly felt like a huge jerk. Of course Adam cared about him. All he could do was nod his head.

"I'm sorry," Adam repeated. Kris turned off the TV and stood up.

"I'm going to bed now," he said, looking over. Adam's face was so beautiful it almost hurt him to look at it. Everything about Adam was a cruel, painful reminder that he couldn't have him anymore.

"Good talk," Adam said, smiling. "I'm glad we figured it out."

Kris didn't respond, and Adam stood up next to him. "Can we hug?" he asked, friendly. Kris' body _begged_ him to say yes. Every one of his nerves wanted to feel Adam, and his arms ached. Tentative, he nodded and moved closer. Adam pulled him forward and held him tight, and Kris had never enjoyed a hug so much in his life. Adam's warm skin, his strong arms, his whole body pressed right against him. It all felt so great that Kris almost didn't pull away when Adam did.

"Night," Adam said. He smiled, looking a little bit sad, and walked away. Kris stood for another few seconds, his mind spinning and his body savoring the feel of Adam, before he walked off, too.

When he got to bed, he could still feel Adam wrapped around him. The feeling reminded him of the many nights before, when he'd retreated to bed after all the kissing, touching, breathing, heavy and fast. He reluctantly slid a hand down his pants and wrapped it around his growing erection. He bit his lip, moving helplessly and thinking back to a few nights earlier, when Adam had wrapped his sweet, wet lips around him. The pleasure built up fast, and it didn't take long at all before Kris came over his stomach, shaking.

* * *

Corny title for this one, I know. I couldn't help myself. :P

If you like the story, you should add me on livejournal! My journal is friends-only but I add anyone who asks OR just adds me as a friend.

Tell me what you love about this one. Tell me what you didn't really like. I love to hear it **all**!


	9. Top Two

Kris woke slowly from a heavy sleep. His alarm clock was beeping persistently and he eventually lifted his arm to lazily smack it. He was so tired he felt like he hadn't slept at all. His head fell back against his pillow as he prepared to get out of bed, but he unintentionally drifted back into sleep.

When he woke up later, his alarm had been going off for a while. It must not have been loud enough, he thought, so he made a mental note to turn up the volume later. Rubbing his face, he sat up slowly and stared at the clock. It took him a few seconds to understand what the numbers meant; the clock read 6:17 AM.

He jumped out of bed and grabbed some clothes in a clumsy haste, heading for the bathroom. He should have already taken his shower by now. He fumbled with the doorknob and pushed the door open.

"Hey-!" Adam yelled, caught off-guard. He struggled to quickly cover himself with a towel. Kris took a rushed step forward before noticing. The tan, freckled skin over Adam's arms, chest, and stomach was completely exposed.

"Oh shit, man. Sorry!" he blurted out, eyes wide with surprise. It hadn't even occurred to him that he should have knocked. He spun around quickly and shut the door behind him. He was so used to getting in the shower right after waking up at 6:00. He completely forgot that Adam took his own shower fifteen minutes later each morning.

"Sorry!" he called out again, feeling like an idiot. His face flushed slightly as he felt his cock stirring in his pants. _That_ was sure a perfect start to getting over Adam.

The bathroom door opened slowly and Adam poked his head through the doorway to look at Kris. "You can have your shower first if you want," Adam said, smiling. "Mine takes longer; I don't wanna make you wait."

Kris' heart thudded against his ribs. He wanted nothing more than to close the distance between he and Adam and just hold him, feel him, kiss him. His breath caught as he collected himself.

"Sorry, man," he said. "I slept late. My bad."

"That's all right," Adam laughed. "You didn't see anything, did you?" Kris tensely shook his head.

"I should've knocked. Sorry."

"So do you want to shower first?"

"Sure," Kris said hurriedly, nodding. "I'll be quick."

"'Kay," Adam said, glancing very briefly at the front of Kris' pants as he shut the door. Kris cursed under his breath. He was embarrassed and turned on all at the same time. It wasn't fair. His body was screaming at him, _Adam, Adam, Adam._

During his shower, Kris determinedly resisted touching himself at all; he'd done quite enough of that last night, and Adam was outside the bathroom waiting for him to be finished. It was tempting, though. The image of Adam half-naked still floated around in his head, and made him relive a few other memories. Kris turned the water off when he was finished and hurried out of the shower as quickly as he could.

His hair was dripping when he poked his head into Adam's room to tell him it was his turn to shower. He really hadn't meant to look sexy or anything, but he couldn't help but enjoy the look on Adam's face when he turned and saw him. Guarded but observant, watching the water fall off of him. Like he was holding back, too.

He knew it wasn't a game they were playing. He tried not to make it feel like that. They were both just trying to coexist with each other now; not as normal, but as close to normal as possible without things being too forced or painful. Still, Kris just loved seeing the look that Adam had, he loved knowing that Adam still wanted him.

----

Kris was unsure about his song choice. "Heartless" was a risk; it had already been performed by Kanye West during a results show, and doing an acoustic version may not turn out so well. He decided to casually ask Adam about it during breakfast; Adam always had great advice.

Adam, Danny and Kris were all discussing the difficulties in their songs while they ate. The show was on tomorrow, so they would be spending the day mostly fine-tuning their performances in.

"So what do you guys think about me doing 'Heartless?'" Kris asked, purposefully directing the question to both of them.

"Sounds cool," Danny said with a smile and a shrug, and Kris' eyes turned to Adam.

"It's genius," Adam said simply. "Trust me, that's gonna be great. Seriously." And Kris did trust him. Adam was always honest about things like this, and he really knew what he was talking about when it came to music. Kris' confidence was completely boosted, and he knew the song was a good idea.

After breakfast, the three contestants went off to their rehearsals and did a few quick interviews. "Do you get along with Adam?" one of the interviewers had asked him. Kris kept himself under control and didn't react to the question outwardly.

"Yeah," he said, calm. "Adam's a cool guy, he's got a great sense of humor. We get along great." He was cracking inside just from the feel of Adam's name on his lips.

After the interviews, Kris walked to his last rehearsal. His thoughts were buzzing with worry and stress about the music, about his songs, about Adam, about everything. Every thought in his head cleared when he heard Adam's soft, gentle singing echo through the hall from a nearby room.

"_Is it getting better?_

_Or do you feel the same?"_

Kris felt his body shake from a cold, sudden chill. Why did it feel like Adam was _haunting_ him, everywhere he went? Everything was a reminder, and Kris felt himself breaking. Getting through a day on _Idol_ was so much harder when he didn't have Adam to lean on.

----

The contestants were back at the mansion by 7:00 so they could get plenty of rest.

"Gonna be a big day tomorrow," Danny said as they walked into the living room. Kris always felt awkward in these situations now. He used to feel comfortable and just hang out with Adam, but now he questioned his every move. Danny plopped himself into the chair and Adam sat on the couch. Of course they'd have to sit together. Kris slowly sat on the far side of the couch so they weren't too close.

"You guys feeling good about your songs?" Kris asked, making conversation.

"Yeah, I'm feeling pretty confident this week," Danny said, grinning. That was exactly what he'd said last week, right before he screeched his way through "Dream On." Kris still couldn't believe more people had voted for him than Allison.

"I really like what Simon picked for me," Adam said, leaning his head back against the couch. Kris was captivated by the smooth shape of Adam's profile as he spoke. "Singing 'One' is a lot of fun. And I'm singing Aerosmith, which should be awesome." Adam turned his head and Kris quickly turned away, startled. He hated this tension. Questioning his every move was exhausting. He wondered if Adam was feeling the same way.

Danny flicked on the TV, asking if there was anything they wanted to watch. Kris shook his head, mumbling "I don't care," and Adam and Danny settled on watching the last few minutes of an episode of Family Guy. Kris laughed at one of the jokes, and it felt nice. He felt like he hadn't laughed in a long time.

When the show was over, Adam stood up, stretching his arms high over his head. Kris stared—what else was he supposed to look at?—and Adam's shirt lifted up, just a little, exposing an inch of skin over his lower back. Adam was wearing extremely tight pants, and Kris was able to clearly see the shape of his thighs and smooth, round curve of his ass. He desperately turned all of his attention to the TV past Adam's body when he realized he was getting hard. Kris knew Adam would never be so cruel, but it felt like he was torturing him on purpose.

"I'm gonna head to bed," Adam yawned, walking towards the hallway. He glanced back and Kris realized that his eyes had been fixed on Adam's ass again. Adam turned quickly like he hadn't noticed, and Kris winced from embarrassment. It wasn't his fault Adam wore such tight goddamn pants. He bit his lip, willing his erection to go away, thinking of dying puppies and kittens and old ladies and anything that didn't involve Adam fucking Lambert.

----

Kris stretched his body over his mattress, trying to find a comfortable position. He kept thinking about Adam, no matter how much he was trying not to. He wondered if Adam was having this much trouble, too. He still hadn't painted his right thumb, Kris had noticed.

He looked down at his own nail polish. It had chipped off almost completely; only a tiny patch remained. He couldn't bring himself to scratch it off. It felt like a precious, living memory of his time with Adam, and Kris really liked having it on him, it made him happy. Maybe he should ask Adam to paint it for him again before the show tomorrow. It had been pretty lucky to him so far.

He briefly wondered about who would be voted off next. Both Danny and Adam were really popular with the fans. If he had to bet, Kris would predict that he would be the next one to leave. But what if it was Danny? If Kris and Adam had the whole house to themselves…

Half or Kris wanted it to happen, but his more rational half told him it would only be more difficult and painful. He remembered his conversation with Adam about being the top two, about having the whole place to themselves, time completely alone with each other. Would it happen?

He soon drifted into sleep, twisting and turning in his sheets as he moved through vague dreams of Adam and _American Idol_.

----

After Kris got out of the shower the next morning he dressed slowly, waiting for Adam to finish his own shower. He was a little nervous about asking him to repaint his thumb nail, but using it for good luck was a convincing explanation, and he didn't expect that Adam would think it was too weird.

Once he heard Adam leave the bathroom he walked in and fixed his hair for a couple minutes, waiting. Adam usually came in to do his makeup after getting dressed each morning.

"Good morning," Adam sang cheerfully when he joined Kris in the bathroom.

"Hey," Kris said, smiling nervously. He watched as Adam moved in front of the mirror and messed with his damp hair. Kris waited a minute before asking.

"You think you could do me a favor?" he said, sounding casual. He watched Adam's expression in the mirror; it didn't really change.

"Sure, what's up?" Adam asked, reaching across the sink to grab his eyeliner pencil.

Kris held out his thumb, grabbing Adam's attention. "You feel like re-painting this for me?" he asked, sheepish. Adam was caught off-guard. He blinked a couple times, looking lost.

"You want me to paint your nail again?" he asked, amused.

"Well, yeah," Kris sputtered. "I mean, it's been really lucky. Don't you think? I just… It's almost gone so I thought I should put it on again."

Adam took the blue nail polish off the counter and looked back at Kris. "You want it blue again?" he asked, a playful smile on his lips.

Kris gulped. Adam looking straight at him was difficult enough, but the look he had on his face was almost too much to deal with. "Yeah, blue's good" he answered, trying not to look overwhelmed.

Adam unscrewed the bottle, glancing up to stun Kris with his bright, intense eyes. "Here, gimme your hand," Adam said, and Kris felt a blush creep up his face. He placed his fist, thumb-out, on the counter and watched Adam lift the polish-soaked brush out of the small bottle.

"Okay," Adam said absently, leaning down and stroking the brush along Kris' thumb nail. Kris watched, wide-eyed, and Adam had the nail completely coated in two easy strokes.

"Thanks," Kris said when Adam screwed the bottle shut again. He lifted his hand and could actually feel the little extra weight on his thumb.

"Feel lucky now?" Adam asked, smiling as he went back to his eyeliner.

"Hell yeah," Kris said, holding out to look at it. He peeked over at Adam again, noticing his right thumb was still unpainted. He wasn't sure whether or not to ask about it.

"Is it cool if I leave mine unpainted, too?" Adam asked, noticing Kris' eyes on his hand. "I chipped the polish off a few days ago when I was flying to San Diego. I kinda like it."

"Yeah, sure," Kris said encouragingly. "We'll match and be super lucky."

"Yep," Adam said, looking right at Kris and smiling. "If you can carry around a piece of me, man, I can do the same for you."

"Totally," Kris responded, trying not to feel warm and fuzzy from Adam's attention. His head felt a little light from the comment. Adam really cared about their relationship, and it meant a lot. "Maybe it'll get rid of some of those rumors about us being in a fight or whatever, too," Kris added.

"Yeah," Adam said with a laugh. Kris was relieved that they were talking and being somewhat comfortable with each other now. He cared about Adam way too much for them to not still be friends. The attraction between them would still be distracting, but Kris was feeling more confident in his ability to control himself and just handle it.

That was until Adam turned and looked straight at his face, his eyes piercing. Kris couldn't think; Adam's eyes were such a gorgeous shade of blue and all he wanted was to be closer to him.

"Hey…" Adam said slowly, thinking.

Kris stared back and licked his lips, spreading glossy moisture over them. He wasn't able to hide his sudden lust under Adam's intense gaze. Adam just flashed an automatic smirk, his mind still working, before he realized the situation and awkwardly turned himself away to face the mirror again.

"I was gonna say that you should let me do your makeup," Adam said in a small voice, his words rushing together like he was in a hurry to just get them out. "But nevermind, we've got to hurry and get to breakfast."

Kris stood blankly, feeling ashamed and a little guilty from Adam's reaction. "Sorry," he said meaningfully. Adam smiled in response, but didn't look over again.

Kris had just ruined what had been a comfortable situation, and turned it into something awkward and restrained. He hated having to hold back, but that's all that he and Adam could do at this point. He really hoped that the tension wouldn't build up inside of him and make him more stressed than he already was.

----

They rehearsed for the show all morning, following their normal routines, and Kris was feeling more and more pressure by the second. Everything felt chaotic, and every time he saw Adam during the day his brain would freeze. It was hard to deal with; so much harder than he'd anticipated. Part of him wished that he or Adam would get voted off so that he wouldn't have to be around him all the time, but most of him wanted to be in the top two with Adam. It shouldn't even be about that, Kris thought wildly. It should be about the music, about his career and his future. His head was so mixed up.

----

It was show time, and Danny was singing first. Kris stood backstage, watching him perform, when Adam placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey," Adam half-shouted so Kris could hear him over the music. "You nervous?"

"Yeah," Kris answered truthfully. Adam wasn't moving his hand, and Kris could feel the heat of his touch through his shirt.

"You'll be good," Adam said, like he was stating a fact. Kris shrugged, and Adam let his hand slide off his shoulder.

"Thanks, man," Kris yelled after a few seconds. He was grateful for the boost of confidence, but he was mostly thanking Adam for easing his stress. It was amazing how much Adam's touch could calm him.

----

Kris performed "Apologize" just like he had rehearsed. It was easier than he thought it would be; he always got nervous about playing the piano and singing at the same time. He discovered that the trick was not to think about it. At all. The judges liked his performance, but they didn't go crazy over it. Kara wasn't satisfied with his choice to use the piano. The second Kris walked off stage, he felt nervous again. Nervous that he wouldn't make it to the top two, nervous that he'd do worse on his next song. He worried that he might screw up playing the guitar. There were so many things that could go wrong.

He walked to go sit down and Adam intercepted his path, beaming. "Great job!" he said, wrapping his arms around Kris in a clumsy hug. Kris inhaled against Adam's shirt, feeling better instantly. There was nothing wrong in the world when Adam held him like that. Kris barely had time to hug him back before Adam pulled away, standing up straight.

"Thanks," Kris said, smiling big. "I needed a hug."

"No prob," Adam said with a laugh, patting Kris once on the back. "You really sang great, don't listen to Kara."

Kris shrugged, briefly looking down to hide the smile he couldn't seem to get rid of. Adam had always been affectionate with all of the contestants during the hype of the live show, and Kris knew this wasn't different. But it was nice.

"Alright, I've gotta be back over there before the commercial's over," Adam said, flashing Kris another smile before walking away.

----

Adam sang "One" in a way that Kris had never heard before, and it was fascinating. He was so talented; the way he was able to take a great song and make it sound _better_ was just—inspiring. Adam was truly an incredible performer, and his vocal range made Kris envious. Adam on stage was just mesmerizing, and Kris enjoyed watching him more than any singer he'd ever been a fan of before.

"I think I'm your biggest fan," Kris told him when Adam walked off stage. Adam grinned, and pulled him close for a quick, tight hug.

"Then make me a sign!" he yelled over the noise, gesturing out into the audience at the "Adam rocks my mad world!" sign. He laughed with a giddy smile, and Kris laughed, too.

----

After Danny sang "You Are So Beautiful," Simon called it a "vocal master class." Kris' stomach churned. Not that he wanted Danny to do badly, he just wished he wouldn't do _that_ well. "Great job, Gokey!" he says when Danny walked proudly off stage.

And he was up next, singing "Heartless." He was pretty nervous at the start of the song, but he got into it easily, managing to forget that the whole country was watching him. The song went smoothly, and Kris was relieved when Simon told him that he actually had a shot at making it through to the next round. Everyone seemed to love it.

"Woo!" he said into Adam's shirt, falling into his embrace right after they cut to commercial. Adam twisted a little, making both of their bodies sway back and forth.

"Told you it was genius," Adam bragged. "You know I'm always right!"

Kris' head was spinning so fast he actually had to take a few steps back when Adam let him go so he wouldn't fall. Adam just grinned down at him before giving him another enthusiastic hug. "I'm so proud of you!" he squealed, and Kris felt blissfully wonderful. He rubbed the nail polish on his thumb, reminding it to bring him some luck.

Adam finished off the show with "Cryin,'" and it was so much better than Kris thought it would be. Adam's voice transformed the song as he played more with his rock 'n roll persona, and the judges all loved it. Kris wasn't at all upset about Adam doing well; he knew from the start that Adam would be the star of the show, and he really thought that he deserved it. He was overly happy for him, actually.

----

The three contestants sat down in the living room (Kris strategically snagged the chair this time, Adam and Danny shared the couch) and watched the show back. It always felt unbelievable when Kris watched his own performances back; watching was a completely different experience from performing. Overall, he was happy with his performances, but he was prepared to be sent home tomorrow night.

One thing that Kris always enjoyed was watching Adam as he watched his own performances. He almost always had the funniest look on his face, like he was reliving the scene in his head. Kris teased him about it a lot on the earlier weeks of the show, but it wasn't really worth making fun of anymore. Now it was actually kind of cute.

"I'm pretty sure I'm your biggest fan, Adam," Kris told him again, chuckling. "You're like my favorite singer."

"Good!" Adam giggled. "'Cause I'm your biggest fan, too."

"Yessss!" Kris said happily, holding up his hand for a high-five. Adam leaned over and pushed their palms together lightly. Their fingers laced together, and Danny gave them a weird smile.

"You two are so in love," he said, laughing in a low voice.

"It's bromance!" Adam yelled out, giggling still.

"As long as it's platonic," Danny joked, but with a serious undertone, as if to remind them that Jesus was watching. Kris felt his face heat up. He let Adam's hand go and Adam slouched back against the couch, laughing loudly.

"Oh, please!" Adam said between laughs. Kris was glad Adam was such a good actor.

----

Kris went to bed soon after they finished watching the show back. He wasn't able to fall asleep, as usual. He knew this would probably be his last night in the mansion, and he felt like he should be doing something a lot more memorable. He sat up, thinking to himself.

Maybe he should talk with Adam while he still had a chance. He wanted Adam to know how sorry he was, about everything, and how much Kris really admired him. There were so many things he wanted to say, and he felt like Adam deserved to hear it all.

He crept slowly through the bathroom and stood in Adam's doorway, knocking quietly on the open door in case Adam was asleep.

"You up?" he whispered into Adam's room.

"Yeah," Adam answered, sounding awake. "What's up?"

"Nothing really, just feel like talking. Did you want to go to sleep?" Kris asked politely.

"No, come on in," Adam said, laughing. "Turn on the light. I'm not even tired, anyway."

"Cool," Kris said, flicking the lights on and walking over to sit on the spare bed. He slouched forward, resting his forearms on his knees, and Adam said, "So…"

Kris wasn't sure how to start. Most of his brain was focused on trying _not_ to focus on the fact that Adam wasn't wearing a shirt. Adam looked at him, smiling and blinking a few times.

"I just wanna say how sorry I am about everything," Kris said, peeking up at Adam's face as he spoke. "I know it's all been a big mess, and it was really wrong of me to drag you through it all."

"Oh, come on," Adam laughed. "Are you kidding? There's nothing _you_ should be sorry about. We both got really carried away."

"Well, yeah," Kris said. "But, I don't know, I feel like I just wasted a bunch of your time and dragged you through all this, like… emotional crap."

"Kris," Adam said a little more seriously. "You didn't waste a second of my time. You don't need to be worrying about this stuff anymore, anyway. It's all worked out now, right?"

"Yeah," Kris answered, nodding. He thought for a few seconds. "I'm glad we're still cool. I'm really glad we can still be friends and everything."

"Me too," Adam smiled. "You're an awesome person."

"Nah, man, you are," Kris said with a laugh. "You're like one of the best people I've ever met. Seriously."

"Aw, thanks," Adam said with surprise.

"If one of us ends up going home tomorrow," Kris began, trying to keep his tone light. "I just want you to know I think you're a great guy, and I really admire you."

"Same to you," Adam said, looking straight at him. Kris always felt struck when Adam looked at him like that. "Not like we'll stop being friends if one of us leaves the show. We still have the tour and everything!"

"Yeah," Kris agreed, averting his eyes. "That's gonna be really awesome."

"Mm-hmm," Adam hummed, stretching his arms and sitting up. Kris couldn't help but wonder whether or not he was wearing pants. Why did he have to keep thinking about stuff like that? He rubbed the back of his neck, and couldn't think of anything else to talk about. He wished Adam wasn't so far away from him.

"So do you feel better about all this?" Adam asked, lazily stroking his hair.

"About what?" Kris asked, though he knew exactly what Adam was talking about.

"About us," Adam said hesitantly. "I mean, are you still having a hard time with it, or…?"

Kris wasn't sure whether or not to answer honestly. It would be easier on them both if he acted like it wasn't a problem, but he wanted to know how Adam would react if he told him how he was really feeling. He paused for a few seconds, thinking about it.

"It's okay," Adam said quickly. "You don't have to answer. Sorry."

Kris looked up, surprised. "No, man, it's alright. I mean, it's hard sometimes but, you know, I kind of expected that." Kris went with half of the truth. Honestly, it had been hard _all _of the time so far.

Adam nodded knowingly and Kris asked, "What about you?"

"Uhh, it's been about the same," Adam said uncomfortably, shrugging. Kris was so curious he could hardly stand it; he wanted to know if Adam had it as bad as he did, if he felt like he was on the verge of breaking like Kris always was, but he knew it wouldn't do either of them any good if he pried into it. He leaned back on the bed, popping his shoulders forward and holding himself up on his elbows. Adam's eyes followed his movements, but Kris couldn't read anything from his face.

"Is it hard for you?" Kris asked. Fuck, why did he have to ask? The curiosity was killing him, but he should really just be leaving the topic _alone_. Hating himself, he waited eagerly for Adam to answer.

Adam's eyes shifted. He looked at Kris, and away, back towards Kris, and away. Kris wanted to say, "Nevermind," but he didn't. Adam kept acting like he was about to say something, and Kris watched him, not sure about anything.

"Well, yeah," Adam said finally. "I won't lie, it's definitely hard. But don't be worrying about me, it's not your fault." Kris gave him an apologetic look, not knowing what to say. It was weird to think about, how they had just flirted a little at first, and it had turned into something so big and was tearing Kris up inside, now.

"There's really nothing else we can do," Adam said carefully. "We just have to wait it out, you know? It'll get easier."

"Yeah," Kris agreed with a nod. Adam was such a caring person. He always knew just what to say and do. This whole thing would be so much easier if he didn't adore _everything_ about him.

----

Kris woke up the next morning, and thought about calling Katy. Lately, he thought about calling her a lot more often than he actually called her. There was nothing he could talk to her about anymore. His new life involved almost nothing that she was familiar with. The last few months had changed him so much that he hardly felt like the same person. At least he'd be going home soon, if not tonight, and things would hopefully drift back to somewhat-normal. His gut told him that it probably wouldn't be normal again, but his mind told him only time could tell.

He waited patiently through the day, growing more and more certain that he would be leaving the show. Everyone was acting different towards him, more upbeat. He wouldn't be upset about it, though; he was ready to go. He'd done his best, and placing third was so much better than he'd even hoped for.

He and Adam were perfect friends again, and Kris was glad that things were able to turn out well. He still needed Adam to be a part of his life, even if they wouldn't be together anymore. Being near him was always a relief, like breathing in clean, fresh air. They were together through most of the day, getting their hair and makeup done and getting the run-through for the show. They joked around most of the time, and Kris loved just being able to laugh. It took the edge off all his anxiety.

The show dragged on, and Kris made sure to enjoy it all. He loved watching the performances, hearing the music, and the spotlight occasionally passing over him. Suddenly, intensely, he hoped that he wasn't leaving. He didn't want this to be his last show, he was so close to the end. He _wasn't_ ready to go. He prayed quickly during the commercial breaks, quietly whispering, wondering if God would even hear him over the noise. God couldn't change the results, He couldn't change the name written on Ryan's card, but Kris prayed anyway.

Kris was sweating a little when it was time for the three of them to stand, center stage. He put a hand over Adam's shoulder, and Adam did the same to him, his fingers clutching. The spotlight was hot on his face, so he turned his head down as Ryan prepared to share the result.

"The first person safe tonight," Ryan said slowly, "is…"

Kris thought to himself, _Adam… Danny,_ but Ryan yelled, "Kris Allen!"

Adam hugged him tight before the information fully breathed into Adam's jacket, and it wasn't sinking in. He wasn't going home yet? His face was barely lifted into a surprised smile, and he turned to give Danny a big hug, too.

"Congratulations, man," Ryan said to him, and he walked to the end of the stage to fall into his seat.

It was a while longer before Ryan would announce who else would make the top two. Kris was still in wonder that he'd made it, but he was also worried that Adam wouldn't. It would be wrong if he didn't, it would be entirely and completely wrong. Adam deserved it more than Kris did, so of course he would make it through. He prayed again, just in case, and waited for the news. The show didn't move fast enough, so he prayed again. _Please God_, he said clearly, but in a whisper. _Please don't let Adam be sent home. He's worked hard, and he deserves it. Please, God, please._ He lifted his head and kept his hands clamped together, placing them between his knees.

Adam and Danny stood close together, and Ryan ran through the "but only one can make it through to next week" speech. Adam turned his head and looked in Kris' direction, and Kris nervously tightened his lips into a fearful smile. Adam smiled back, showing bright teeth, and looked back at Ryan.

"The one joining Kris Allen tonight in the top two, is…" Ryan trailed off, and Kris was literally at the edge of his seat. "Adam Lambert!"

Kris had never been more relieved in his entire life. The joy ran through his body and he felt weightless.

----

Kris wasn't sad that Danny was going home, but he had to at least act like it after Danny sang his good-bye song. Kris and Adam rushed up and hugged him like it was terrible news, and Danny patted Kris on the back.

"No big deal, don't sweat it," Danny said. Kris tried not to let his smile get too big. It wasn't that he wanted Danny to get voted off; he just didn't want himself or Adam to leave yet. Nothing personal.

But it would be a hell of a lot more fun at the mansion without Danny around, for sure.

When Adam and Kris went back to the mansion later that night, they walked in to the hall and Kris realized that they were completely alone. He'd known that they would be the only two in the house, but he never thought about how intimate the situation would be until now. The most frightening and exciting feeling strained in his chest, and his mind was wandering far too much. It was just him and Adam, only them, in this enormous place. He watched Adam's face and knew he was thinking the same thing.

"Can't believe it's only us now," Kris said lightly, conversationally. Adam's hair was still spiked and styled from the show, and his face was still coated with makeup. Kris suddenly wanted him, urgently. He surprised himself at how normally he was able to act when Adam turned to him and responded, "Yeah, just you and me." His voice was not at all suggestive, but Kris wanted there to be more meaning behind his words.

The two walked into the living room and Kris decided to jump onto the end of the couch, leaving Adam to decide whether to sit in the chair, or next to him. It was a fun experiment, and Adam casually slid onto the other end of the sofa, throwing an arm onto the armrest and sighing comfortably. Kris wished he didn't feel so happy about it; he was acting like an idiot. He had ended it with Adam. He shouldn't be the one wanting to flirt.

Adam was grinning, and turned his head in Kris' direction again. "We're the top two of _American Idol_!" he squealed, letting his face squeeze into an excited smile and fidgeting his body around. "It's like the universe just wants us to be best friends."

"Thank God," Kris said seriously with a small laugh, pointing his finger up. "Seriously, I prayed like crazy during the show tonight, and it worked."

Adam clapped his open palms together, letting the tips of his fingers brush against his nose. "Thank you, God," he said, smiling and looking up. Kris knew Adam wasn't a religious person, but it was always great that he was willing to play along and have an open mind about everything that Kris believed in.

Everything about Adam was great, perfect, even: his looks, his attitude, his voice, his presence. But most of all, Kris admired Adam for his kindness and sincerity. Kris had never met anyone so incredibly _decent_, and he truly loved Adam.

And there it was. The revelation just fell onto him like a warm, soothing ray of sunlight. He loved Adam. He really loved him, whole-heartedly. Kris felt his surge of emotions cross over his face as Adam watched his expression. Adam looked scared, hesitant, and Kris moved closer to him, leaning up towards his face.

Adam reacted quickly, turning away and putting some distance between them before Kris could reach his mouth. Kris recoiled as embarrassment, rejection, and guilt attacked him all at once.

It had been such a spur of the moment decision to kiss Adam, and it hadn't even occurred to Kris that Adam wouldn't want him to. He looked at a pillow behind Adam, having no clue how to handle the situation.

"Sorry-" he began in a scratchy voice before Adam cut him off.

"You can't Kris. Really, we can't."

Adam sounded upset, and his breathing was a little faster than normal. Kris felt terrible.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have," Kris said, guilty. "I just…"

"I don't have the energy to play this fucking game with you," Adam said, not waiting for him to finish. He didn't sound angry, but he wouldn't look at Kris, either.

"Adam, I'm sorry, ok? But I'm just gonna say it," Kris said, quick, sucking in a breath before continuing. "I hate holding myself back, I'm sick of it. I just want—… I mean, aren't you tired of it, too?"

"Kris," Adam said sternly, finally looking at him. "It doesn't matter. You were serious when you said you couldn't do it anymore. So don't fuck it up for yourself!" His words were harsh, but his tone was still light, like he was just advising.

"Aren't you tired of it? I really am. I don't care anymore, Adam. I don't care," Kris said, frustrated. He'd reached his limit, and all the tension inside of him had reached the boiling point. He _needed_ Adam.

Adam looked down at him, his eyebrows drawn together, and he looked completely torn. Some part of Kris was telling him that he should feel bad for putting Adam in such a difficult position, but Kris just didn't care, he didn't feel like he even _could _care at this point. He just looked back up at Adam, determined, and asked again. "Are you tired of it?" Adam looked at him pathetically, conflicted.

"Kris…" he said slowly, but it sounded enough like a "yes" for Kris to close the distance between them. He slid himself next to Adam's body, fitting into place, and it really felt like Adam had been a large piece of him that he'd been without. He tucked his feet underneath him to gain a little height and brought his face up over Adam's shoulder, feeling Adam's quickening breath spreading heat across his face. His fingers found their way to the back of Adam's head, digging into stiff hair, and their cheeks brushed together. Kris shivered, feeling hot and cold at the same time.

"Sorry," he murmured against Adam's ear, resting his chin on Adam's shoulder while stroking his fingers over spiked black hair. He stayed in that position, just thinking and feeling and breathing Adam, like he had been deprived of a vital necessity. Adam's strong arms slowly snaked around Kris' waist, pulling them even closer together, and he exhaled, hot against Kris' neck. Kris was overwhelmed by the feeling and before he knew it, his mouth was on Adam's.

They kissed, deeply and slowly, as Adam's hands drifted up Kris' back and Kris' fingers twisted in Adam's hair. The wet clicks of their mouths opening and closing were the only sounds in the entire house, and they filled Kris' ears and made everything else in the world non-existent. Kris didn't want the moment to ever end, but Adam pulled his face away after a few minutes, breathing in soft pants. Kris sat back against the couch, letting his hand fall down onto his lap.

"Alright," Adam said. "Feel better now?"

"Hell yeah," Kris answered, dazed. "I needed that."

"Well, you know… you can't keep doing this," Adam said slowly, thinking.

"I don't give a shit anymore, man," Kris said easily. He looked up at Adam, and leaned against him again. "I can't go without this when you're around, that's all I know."

"You need to." Adam looked at him seriously. "It won't do you any good in the long-run, you know that. I don't want this."

"You don't?" Kris asked, skeptical.

"No, I don't need to play your little game. I can't let you fuck up your life, either." Adam looked hurt. Kris wanted to tell him that it wasn't a little fucking game. He loved him, and he wouldn't stop loving him any time soon. He held his tongue, though, fearing that Adam wouldn't feel the same way.

"Sorry, Adam," he said. "But all I can tell you is that I really want this. I won't want to take any of it back later, I know I won't. Maybe my life's fucked, but I don't care about it anymore."

"You say that now," Adam said quietly. "I'm not gonna do this again, we can't."

Adam's statement sounded pretty final, and Kris wasn't sure what else he could say besides, "I want to."

"Sorry, no." Adam just stood up and stiffly walked out into the hallway, and Kris felt like he could cry. He really needed Adam… he wasn't sure if he could manage without him. It seemed pathetic, even to himself, but he couldn't stop feeling that way. He sat in the living room a while by himself, remembering their kissing.

Against all odds, he and Adam had made the top two of _American Idol_. Both of them, together. How much more of a sign could Kris ask for than that? It was almost like fate. He knew that he loved Adam, but he had no idea if Adam felt the same towards him at all.

He had to get Adam to change his mind. He just fucking _had_ to. It was all he could do.

* * *

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	10. Love Hurts

Thursday morning, Kris was feeling strangely motivated. Even though Adam had pretty much rejected him last night, he was still hopeful. He had thought a while about how he could get Adam to want him back, and he decided that the best thing he could do was just show Adam that he was serious. He needed to convince Adam that it really was what he wanted, and that he wouldn't change his mind about it again.

Now that Kris had realized that he actually _loved_ Adam, he knew that it was what he wanted. He knew it would be too much to hope that Adam would love him back, but… it was still more than worth it to try. His need for Adam was like nothing he had ever felt before. Maybe it was addiction, but Kris didn't want recovery. He just wanted happiness, and that was what Adam always seemed to give him. Kris wasn't exactly sure what to do, but he wanted to get Adam's attention, and keep it.

Breakfast was unusually quiet, even though it was just the two of them. They normally talked nonstop, about anything. Adam didn't say much besides, "Good morning." He was probably still feeling awkward about last night.

The silence stretched on for longer than Kris wanted it to. He wanted to talk to Adam; he wanted to make Adam comfortable with him again.

"So how'd you sleep?" he asked to start up conversation.

"I slept alright," Adam replied, nodding while chewing his food. "You?"

"Had a hard time falling asleep, but…" Kris trailed off, watching Adam. "I slept okay." He wanted Adam to remember last night, and not try to push past it. Adam kept his head down, and Kris frowned.

"I meant what I said last night," He said suddenly, bluntly. He just needed to get the fact out there.

"I did too," Adam said, not missing a beat. Kris' face tightened as he felt some of his gathered hope slip away.

"Adam," Kris said, scratchy. Adam didn't look up. Kris bowed his head, resting his forehead in his palm with a sigh, just feeling pathetic.

"Look," Adam said, firm but quiet. "I get it, okay? But I'm not doing this anymore with you. I'm sorry, but I'm done."

"Can we talk about it?" Kris asked, keeping the desperation out of his tone. He put his fork down on the table, not having the appetite to finish eating, and watched Adam's face.

"There's nothing to say," Adam said, his voice a little off. He put his fork down, too, before standing up to clear his plate.

"I'm serious, Adam. Come on," Kris said, standing up and taking a step in Adam's direction.

"You think I'm not?" Adam spat back, turning back around. "Do you even realize what you're asking for right now? Think about it, Kris."

"I _know_ what I—Adam!" Kris yelled back as Adam turned and walked out of the room, shaking his head.

----

So Kris thought about it. In between planning with producers, bouncing ideas off of musicians, and planning the final performances and finale, he thought a lot about it. What was he asking for? In the most basic terms, he was asking Adam to continue their relationship. He wanted to cheat on his wife, and he was dragging Adam through it. They'd already crossed that line, though. Many times.

And what about next week? Kris hadn't thought much about it, he'd actually avoided thinking about what would happen after the show ended. Now that the finale was so close, though, Kris needed to think ahead. Could he just go back home to Katy? Would he _want_ to save his marriage with her after all of it? She didn't deserve this. Did he want an actual relationship with Adam? Would Adam want that?

So what was he asking for? He shut his eyes, and all he wanted was just, _Adam_, and every single part of him. And if Adam even wanted him back, then what? If anyone ever found out, it would be the biggest story ever, a huge scandal. The cover of every magazine, nonstop media attention. Reporters and cameras following them everywhere, asking "How could you cheat on your wife with another man?" They couldn't take anything to the public, they'd have to sneak around, always. Why the hell did he have to fall for Adam Lambert, of all people?

He'd always heard the expression—"love hurts." He'd been with Katy since high school, she was his first love, his first everything. It had never hurt, being with Katy was always safe and accepted by everyone he knew, and just normal. Ideal for him, he'd thought. A perfect life. No pain involved whatsoever. He'd never put the expression to use, it had never applied to him. He had never thought much about it.

But Adam. Adam made his body and his mind _ache_ and—yeah, he definitely hurt. Sometimes it was almost more than he could handle, but other times it felt amazing.

It was like he'd gone through a total change just from meeting him. Sure, it was really hurting him right now, but it was better than feeling nothing. Better than being ignorant to what true love was actually like.

He'd never felt so happy, animated, _alive_, before Adam had made him feel this ache— like joy, adoration, lust, pain, and fear all together. It was terrifying, it was exciting, and it was _good_. Nothing ever felt wrong when he and Adam were together. Everything had just clicked into place, and nothing had ever made Kris feel so complete. How had it taken him so long to realize it? If Adam really didn't want him back, Kris didn't know what the hell he'd do with himself.

He was grateful when the producers talked to him again, temporarily taking his thoughts away from it all. He kept busy through the day, thinking about it sometimes, and mostly practicing different songs for the finale. His life had never been so overwhelming.

----

They went back to the mansion later, and Kris wondered if Adam would want to hang out with him or just go to his room. He didn't know what _he_ would even do. Kris walked slowly, letting Adam pass him, and watched as he turned to go into the kitchen. Kris followed, acting like he could use a drink of water, as Adam went straight to the freezer to grab his ice cream. Kris laughed as he took a glass from the cupboard.

"Thought you wanted to lose weight," he joked. "You on the ice cream diet?" It was a really lame joke, but he wanted to break the tension a little.

"Ha-ha," Adam said back dully, walking past him to the living room and plopping down onto the couch. Kris realized it was a perfect opportunity, and drank his water down in two quick gulps before walking over and sitting on the couch, too. There was space between their thighs, but not much. Kris leaned back, watching as Adam picked up the remote and started flipping through the channels.

"You don't need to lose weight, you know," Kris said, looking Adam up and down a few times. Adam rolled his eyes.

"I mean it," Kris said. "Your body is gorgeous." He blushed a little, it was weird to say something like that out loud. He moved himself closer to Adam and nudged their shoulders together. His heart was racing, but he stayed calm.

"What're you doing?" Adam asked, sighing. He dug a spoon into his ice cream and Kris watched him lift the scoop up into his mouth. Kris caught sight of his right thumb; still unpainted.

"I thought about what you said earlier." Kris made his voice sound even and sure.

"That's good," Adam said, seeming like he didn't really care.

"I know it seems like I'm asking a lot from you," Kris said, putting care and meaning into each word. He really wanted Adam to hear and understand him. "But I want you. I want whatever I can get. I'd do anything, I—"

"Kris, stop. I told you I can't." Adam's tone sounded pleading.

"Why _not_?" Kris asked eagerly.

"I'm seeing someone," Adam said, dropping his spoon into the ice cream container and turning his head away. Kris froze, shocked. He didn't believe him.

"What? When the hell did you have time to—" Kris asked, raising his voice. "Who is it?"

"Drake."

Kris knew Drake. He'd met him a few times; Adam had introduced them after one of the shows. He was always in the audience, sitting with Adam's parents. He was a nice guy, Kris remembered, but right now he hated his guts.

"Bullshit," he said, quieter. "You told me you were just friends. Just 'cause he's gay doesn't mean you—"

"We were friends, now we're together. You know I wouldn't lie to you, so can you stop arguing with me?"

Adam was right; Kris knew he wouldn't lie. His chest felt like it was caving in, his throat tightened, and he struggled for a full breath. Adam's expression quickly turned apologetic, and Kris felt tears fall from his eyes as soon as he leaned his head down to let it fall into his hands.

"Are you serious," he mumbled to himself, holding back sobs.

"Hey…" Adam said softly, his voice soothing. Kris stiffened when Adam's hand rubbed his back; over and down his spine, around his shoulder blades, and occasionally stroking his side. Kris liked it way too fucking much, and put his hand over his eyes, trying his hardest not to let out a sob. He was shaking.

"I'm sorry," Adam whispered, letting his hand slide up to Kris' hair and softly massage his scalp. "Kris, hey…"

Adam's hands on him were torture. Kris tried to relax, but he couldn't even breathe. He wanted to open his mouth to say something, but he couldn't; it would only make it worse. Adam moved closer, pressed right up against him, and Kris was going to lose his mind. Nothing made sense anymore. Adam wrapped his free arm around Kris' shaking body, pulling them together.

"Come here," Adam said softly, and Kris immediately turned and clung to him. He buried his face in Adam's shirt as his hands found their way around Adam's sides, clutching him, a bark of a sob escaping his wet mouth, muffled.

"Kris," Adam whispered, his voice scratchy and broken. His fingers ran through soft, brown hair, and he ducked his head into Kris' shoulder. He felt Kris' tears on his bare skin, where the collar of his v-neck shirt dipped lowest. He could feel Kris' mouth, too, just moving and crying in a rhythm against him.

With Adam wrapped around him, Kris let go. He'd been so ready to give it all up, and just be with him. His life, his marriage, everything was all fucked up, and now he didn't even have Adam, the man he was completely in love with, to show for it. He was lost, and the reality kept playing over and over in his head: _He's with Drake, Adam doesn't want you, he's with Drake._ Being held by Adam was both comforting, and extremely painful.

Adam rocked them gently back and forth, holding Kris tight while his sobs grew slowly quieter and his tears started to dry. Kris' embarrassment soon surfaced; Adam was rocking him like an infant after he'd just cried all over him, shaking and sobbing and everything. His head buzzed, he was overwhelmed. The TV hummed behind them, it sounded like a talk show.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," he said eventually, sniffling and keeping his head against Adam's shirt. His eyes opened wide in surprise when he heard Adam sniff, too.

"_I'm _sorry," Adam said, sounding choked up. "I shouldn't have been such an asshole about it. I had no idea you would be so upset. I'm so sorry, I feel like such a fucking jerk." His hold on Kris loosened, but only by a little. Kris sniffed a few more times, staying snug in Adam's arms.

"Not your fault. Shouldn't have been that upset about it," Kris answered in a mumble, fighting off more tears. "Why are you crying?" he asked as Adam's arm stroked his back a few more times.

Adam laughed a little. "I dunno. It made me sad," he answered softly.

Kris finally pulled away from Adam's chest. "Sorry, man, I got your shirt all nasty."

"Doesn't matter," Adam said. "Are you feeling better at all?"

Kris shrugged lazily. "It's a little weird that we both just cried on each other." He nose was still stuffy, but he leaned over to lie on his side, putting a pillow under his head and curling up. "Think I'm gonna sleep now."

"Don't sleep out here," Adam said, half-smiling.

"No energy," Kris muttered. He felt completely drained and torn apart. Having Adam next to him, though… it somehow made him feel less panicked, calmer.

"So do you feel better? I'm really sorry, Kris…"

"No," Kris answered honestly. "But I'll deal."

"This just never seems to get easier, huh?" Adam said, sighing. A long silence passed as Kris and Adam listened to each other breathe. Kris didn't want to move.

"Okay," Adam said with a grunt as he got himself up off the couch, turning the TV off. He pulled on Kris' hand. "Time for bed."

Kris was grateful that he was so tired. He didn't have to think any more about it, he could just sleep. He wished he could sleep forever, just submerged in unconsciousness, not having to deal with this. Maybe wake up when it wouldn't hurt anymore.

----

Breakfast the next morning was quiet. Kris picked at his food, and Adam watched him with a worried look. Kris felt his eyes; he didn't like it.

"You okay?" Adam finally asked him. It broke the thick, protective silence. Hearing his voice was almost too much, and Kris clenched his jaw shut. It took him a while before he was able to answer, "Fine."

"You're not eating at all." Adam sounded like his mother.

"I'm not hungry."

"Kris…" Adam's voice sounded hurt, but Kris couldn't look at his face. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

Kris didn't want to talk, not at all. He didn't have the energy to deal with being around Adam right now. "No," he answered simply, and Adam seemed to get the idea. He finished his breakfast in silence as Kris walked out of the room.

He went through the morning feeling completely disconnected, just trying not to remember or think about whatever it was that happened yesterday. He wanted to focus and do well on his songs; he could at least do that.

He'd be singing three songs for the final show, including Kara's song "No Boundaries." When it came time to practice and learn it, and Kris and Adam were in the sound room together, Kris didn't talk to or look at him. Some of the musicians gave curious glances, Kris noticed, but he didn't care. He knew that thinking about Adam more than he needed to could easily make him break down. Adam's singing sounded off, he noticed vaguely. He felt his blue nail polish on his thumb, burning. He didn't know whether or not to take it off. Either would be painful. It was a hard day, but Kris dealt with it.

When the two were taken back to the mansion, Kris quietly trudged past Adam, heading to his room. He was exhausted and just wanted to get some rest. Adam caught up with him, and lightly grabbed hold of his wrist, making him stop. Kris cringed, feeling like he was about to crumble apart. He couldn't handle this, not now.

"I can't stand seeing you like this," Adam said softly. Kris didn't respond, didn't do anything. "What can I do?" Adam asked, squeezing his wrist a little.

"Nothing, don't worry about it," Kris answered, monotone. He didn't want Adam to ever let go of him, but he knew the best thing he could do was just go back to his room and sleep and forget.

"Kris, please…" Adam kept his voice gentle, non-threatening. "Talk to me."

Kris sighed, his chest shaking with the effort, and he turned a little. "Really, there's nothing else to talk about. I'm going to bed." Adam's hold on his wrist tightened, and then loosened as he let his arm drop.

"I don't know what to do," Adam breathed, quiet.

"Sorry," Kris said, glancing quickly at Adam's face to show that he was sincere. He turned and walked down the hall, his throat feeling constricted.

----

Kris lay awake, willing his anxiety to go away so he could just sleep. He didn't want to have to think about Adam anymore, he wanted to escape it all, and just fall asleep. He was so tense; he couldn't relax himself and make his mind stop. The love was still there, strong and persistent, and just tearing him apart from the inside. He was tired. He tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable, and threw his pillow across the room in frustration when his neck started to feel strained. Nothing helped.

The bathroom light turned on, making Kris squint. He'd left the door connecting his room to the bathroom wide open, he should've closed it. Adam stood in front of the sink and ran the water. Leaning down, he splashed some over his face, rubbed it in and then splashed his face again. He grabbed the tan-colored hand towel that he always used when he washed his face; the foundation never stained it. Kris wished he would close the door.

When Adam pulled the towel away from his face, Kris caught a glimpse of his expression. He looked… upset. Worried. He looked like he was thinking about something difficult.

He pulled the sheet over his head. He didn't need to see Adam anymore, he just needed sleep. He shifted his body, turning on his side and facing away from the light of the bathroom. A few more slow, deep breaths, and he still couldn't relax.

"You awake?" Adam's voice was very close to him. Kris visibly flinched under his sheets. Why the hell did Adam keep doing this to him? It was hard enough already. He didn't answer, hoping Adam would just walk away.

Adam's warm hand found his shoulder, gently squeezing, and Kris felt his body finally loosen. "Kris," Adam said, his voice smooth and insistent.

"What is it?" Kris grumbled back, pulling the sheet away from his face but not turning to face him.

Adam leaned over him and pressed his lips against Kris' jaw, right under his ear, and Kris gasped quietly. His eyes snapped fully open and his heart jumped excitedly in his chest.

"Will you talk to me?" Adam asked hopefully, crouching beside Kris' bed. Kris turned around to face him eagerly, curious and hopeful and terrified. He really hoped he wasn't dreaming. The smile Adam gave him when their eyes met verified the reality; his imagination could never create something so heartbreakingly sweet, so caring and real.

"Okay," Kris answered. He didn't know what to think or do. Adam's eyes passed along his face a few times before he spoke.

"I don't even know where to start," Adam laughed in a huff of air. He looked sad. Kris didn't have anything to say, so he waited.

"I'm so sorry, Kris," Adam said, his voice full of emotion. Shrugging the shoulder that wasn't pressed against his mattress, Kris kept his expression neutral. Adam kept looking at him, searching for something on his face. Kris wished he knew what it was. Feeling Adam's stare was almost painful.

"I do want you," Adam whispered, turning his head away slightly. "I'm sorry that I didn't just say that when I should have." He stopped and looked back at Kris again, waiting for him to say something. Kris had nothing to say in response, he was just waiting for the bad news, the devastating truth. Adam had the ability to hurt him more than anyone else could, and he didn't even have to try.

"It's crazy and fucked up," Adam said, his voice shaking. "But I want to be with you." Again he watched Kris, questioning, and the silence stretched. Kris was still bracing himself for the blow.

"Say something," Adam whispered harshly, begging. Kris was starting to believe him, he wanted to. Adam wouldn't lie. Would he?

"You're with Drake," Kris choked out.

"And you're with Katy," Adam said, a smirk forming on his lips. Kris smiled a little. That wasn't something that should make him fucking _smile_, but he was almost ecstatic. His smile widened, and he felt great, he felt relieved. It felt like everything was finally okay, even though he knew it wasn't okay, not really.

Adam smiled bright, glad that Kris' face finally showed him something. "Tell me what you're thinking," he said, his eyes more intense than before.

"I'm glad," Kris answered honestly, his voice groggy. He thought more and added, "I'm… scared." Adam leaned in close to him and gave him a quick, hungry peck on the lips. Kris' breath caught in his throat.

"Couldn't help it," Adam smiled. He could tell from Kris' face that he wanted more, but he asked anyway. "Do you mind?"

Kris shook his head, eyes open wide. If he blinked, he might miss something. Or even wake up. Adam leaned towards him again, and everything was perfect. His lips were soft and smooth, and he smelled great, and the _feeling_ of Adam kissing him made his heart leap around in his chest. He felt warm, happy.

Their mouths moved against each other as the kiss deepened, and Kris felt Adam's tongue brush over his lip lightly. He pulled away, feeling like he couldn't breathe, and his cheeks felt heated.

Adam smiled and asked, "So why don't you have a pillow?"

"It was uncomfortable," Kris replied quietly. "I threw it over there." He used his hand to languidly gesture to the other side of the room.

Adam laughed loudly, shaking his head and said, "Okay, then." Kris was going to tell Adam to quiet down, but he remembered that they were they only two in the house now.

"I'm sorry," Adam said again suddenly, his face still close. "I really thought I was doing what was right for you. Seeing you so… sad, I couldn't believe I'd done that. I've never seen you so upset."

"I'm sorry I didn't talk to you," Kris said, trying to explain himself. "I couldn't…"

"It's all right, baby," Adam cooed, running his hand over Kris' spiky hair. "I get it. There's nothing for you to be sorry about."

Kris exhaled. "Is everything really okay now…?" he asked, lifting his body to sit up on his bed. The depression he'd felt only a few minutes ago faded. His heart thumped and his chest ached, but it was good. It was a satisfying ache, like the pain in his fingers after he'd spent hours on his guitar, learning to play through the most difficult parts of a song.

Adam stood up and took a seat next to Kris on the bed. His hand took hold of Kris' automatically. "As long as you still want me, too," Adam answered.

"I fucking _need_ you," Kris said, embarrassed at how pathetic it sounded. Adam's hand squeezed his.

"It's okay then," Adam said, then sighed quietly. "This has all been such a mess…"

"Still is," Kris laughed. "I'm sorry about all this shit I've been putting you through. I don't know how else to handle it. I don't think I would've been able to handle it."

Adam's head fell onto Kris shoulder, and he said, "It's selfish of me to be doing this again. But I just couldn't take it."

Kris nodded, silent. His fingers absently trailed along Adam's neck. "Let's go into your room," he said. His room felt too dark, stuffy. He'd always liked staying in the old bedroom better.

"Why do you wanna go to my room?" Adam asked, laughing lightly.

"Haven't been there in a while," Kris answered, shrugging. "I don't like it in here." Adam stood up, still holding Kris' hand in his, and pulled Kris along off of the bed. Kris' legs felt wobbly as he walked through their shared bathroom and out the opposite door.

Being in Adam's room somehow made Kris feel a lot better. He could shake off the rest of the depression and anxiety, just being in the familiar space that he and Adam used to share.

"I liked having a room with you," Kris said, remembering. Adam walked slowly to his bed and rolled onto it, smiling. He scooted over to make room for Kris and laid on his back, staring up at the ceiling like he was stargazing. Kris settled himself on the bed next to Adam, a smile playing on his face. He laid on his side, and asked, "So what about Drake?"

Adam frowned a little. "What about Katy?" he asked back.

"I asked you first."

"I don't know," Adam said with wonder, like he was just realizing it.

"Me neither," Kris said, quiet. He thought for a minute. "Do you like Drake?"

"Of course, yeah," Adam said, like he was debating. "I can't just break up with him for no reason. He knows me. He'll know something's up."

"You like me more than him?" Kris felt silly asking.

Adam turned his head, happy. "Of course I do."

"Why are you dating him?"

Adam's smile turned into a look of regret. "I love him," he said, and Kris could feel his heart drop. "He's a great person, he's a really good friend." Kris took a breath and realized that Adam was referring to friendship. Thank God.

"He's always been there for me, before I ever auditioned for this show. He's so real, and he asked me a few days ago, for like the thirtieth time ever, and it sounded perfect." Kris listened silently; just glad that he knew Adam liked him better.

"What do you mean, 'perfect?'" he asked after a few seconds. Adam smiled and pulled him closer, planting a kiss in his hair.

"No, not like—" Adam said, pausing for a second. "I just mean it sounded like the perfect way to like… you know, get over you."

"Don't do that," Kris said, smiling and pressing his lips against Adam's neck. Adam giggled, still holding Kris close against him.

"So…" Kris asked, hesitating. He hated to ask, but he was dying to know. "Did you kiss him?"

"Oh no, you're not the jealous type, are you?" Adam laughed. "Yeah, I kissed him."

"What else?" Kris asked, feeling childish. He slung his arm around Adam's neck, dreading the answer.

"Nothing else, yet," Adam said, still smiling.

"I don't like it," Kris said into Adam's shoulder. He wanted to claim Adam as his. But it wouldn't work that way. Why couldn't the world just let him and Adam be together? It seemed like everything was another obstacle for them.

"I've been telling him that I've been doing extra practicing at night," Adam said sweetly, interrupting Kris' thoughts. "But I've just been hanging out with you." Kris smiled. So Adam had been blowing Drake off to hang out with him, even though it had been nothing but uncomfortable between them. He lifted himself up to lean over to Adam's face.

"Really?" he asked with a happy, airy laugh. Adam nodded, licking his lips, and Kris automatically licked his, too. He let himself fall onto Adam's body, and their lips moved smoothly against each other in long, soft kisses.

Kris was soon out of air, and he breathed heavy against Adam's lips, desperate to taste as much of him as he could. His hand rested on Adam's shoulder, circling and feeling. It felt like they hadn't been together in so long, he almost didn't know how to continue from here.

Luckily, Adam was on it. His hands traveled down Kris' back and slipped under the fabric of his shirt, feeling his skin greedily. Kris loved the way Adam handled him. He broke the kiss, dropping his head and breathing loud gasps of breath against Adam's ear.

"You okay?" Adam laughed, but his tone sounded slightly worried.

"Yeah," Kris panted. "Sorry. I'm enjoying this way too fucking much."

Adam hummed a quiet, erotic moan. One of his hands slid down Kris' body, pushing him down, closer against him, making Kris shudder. He kept his eyes squeezed shut, breathing hot against Adam's cheek and just wanting him, needing him. It almost felt surreal to actually have him, here, now.

Adam placed his hand over Kris' lower back, and let out a hushed groan. Unable to help himself, Kris rolled his hips, rubbing his erection over Adam's stomach. It felt so good that he did it a few more times, and Adam's mouth was against his neck, biting him lightly. His teeth pressed in harder and Kris moaned loudly, reminding himself and Adam that they were alone. They didn't have to hold back this time.

Adam roughly grabbed Kris by his sides and easily rolled him over, slowly pressing his body down to lie over him. Kris wanted to tell Adam how much he loved this, how much he loved _him_, how much he'd missed him. He couldn't catch his breath enough to get out more than a strangled gasp as Adam grinded against him. He felt so small under Adam's tall frame, almost vulnerable. It was surprising to him, just how much it turned him on.

Adam's mouth crashed onto Kris', his tongue forcing its way inside, and Kris was unbelievably hard. He bucked up against Adam eagerly, raw pleasure flowing through him in waves.

Adam's hands were all over him, feeling him possessively as he kissed him more, roughly. Kris took a nip at his lower lip, harder than he meant to. Adam didn't seem to mind at all, he just grinded against Kris more, so hard that the mattress bounced a few times and the bed squeak underneath them.

Kris wanted to take it farther, so badly, but he just couldn't work up the nerve to touch Adam anywhere else; his hands began to travel over his shoulders and back, fingers digging in when Adam rubbed against him just right.

"What should I do?" Adam asked, breathing near Kris' ear. He was making Kris decide, now. Kris didn't care what Adam did, he just wanted him to do _something_. It would be easier, though, if he just gave Adam an answer.

"Take off your shirt," he instructed, his voice higher-pitched and nervous. Adam did so, quickly tossing it aside and looking back at Kris, smiling patiently. Kris pulled his off, too, and let it fall to the floor.

He looked up at Adam again, highly turned-on, and tried to think straight. He just _wanted_ him. Adam was watching him hungrily. "Just… do what you want," he said shyly, giving up.

Sooner than Kris expected, a warm hand rubbed the bulge in his pants, giving his cock a squeeze, and Kris threw his head back with a sharp, surprised moan. Adam quickly unzipped him, shoving his pants down, and Kris gladly kicked them off his legs.

He sat up and reached to undo Adam's pants, too, trying not to look as nervous as he felt. He watched Adam's stomach rise and fall with his heavy breaths, and he slid Adam's tight pants down, as far as he could manage on his own. Adam wiggled out of them the rest of the way, too turned on to give Kris the encouraging smile he'd meant to; it looked dangerous instead.

His hand pressed over Kris boxers, stroking him through the thin fabric, and Kris was so close already. His hand flew over Adam's, holding it still as he shook his head, embarrassed. He didn't want to come yet. Adam seemed to understand; he moved his hand away and gave Kris a quick, hard kiss, before moving down his body, skin sliding against skin.

He licked over Kris' collarbone, hot and wet, and dragged his lips over his chest before stopping at a nipple. Kris was still on the edge, Adam wasn't even touching him anymore and he was trying not to come in his boxers. He grabbed at Adam's hair, tugging and digging his fingers in as Adam's tongue flicked over his nipple. Gasping at the feeling, Kris arched his chest up, and Adam rolled the hardening nub in his teeth before licking it slowly, teasing Kris with his tongue.

"I love your body," he mumbled harshly, running his hands down Kris' sides, reaching the waistband of his boxers. His lustful eyes seemed a darker shade than usual when he glanced up at Kris, either looking for permission or maybe giving him reassurance, before he pulled Kris' boxers down slowly over his thighs.

Kris lifted his hips, allowing Adam to pull them off of him fully, his chest heaving, his breath coming too short. Adam was watching him, licking his lips and hooking his thumbs under his own briefs. Sitting up on his elbows, Kris watched Adam slide them off and toss them aside. He looked like he did on stage, confident and gorgeous and sexy beyond all reason. Kris had never had such a nice view of him before; he could see everything.

"Jesus Christ," he breathed. He probably shouldn't have uttered Christ's name in a situation like this, but it had slipped out. Adam grinned, scooting himself over to press his body next to Kris', and Kris turned onto his side to face him. Adam's eyes merged with his, and Kris was comfortable. Lying naked with Adam felt right, it made sense; all of the uncertainties in Kris' head cleared away.

Adam kissed him lightly, lovingly, and his hand curved over Kris' neck. It slid down to his chest, and Adam let his thumb slide over a hard, sensitive nipple. Kris hummed lightly over Adam's lips, his hand trailing over skin, everywhere. He moved his hips forward in anticipation, and their cocks brushed against each other. His hand clutched Adam's side; the feeling was so much more intense when it was skin against skin. Adam's fingertips slid over Kris' stomach, going lower until they lightly touched the shaft of his erection. Kris' hips jerked forward at the touch.

Adam moved over and their bodies were suddenly pressed together, so close, and Kris watched as Adam's polished fingers gracefully pressed their cocks together. His hand wrapped around both, and Kris couldn't think anymore.

"Adam," he moaned senselessly as Adam's hand pumped them both at the same time.

"What is it, baby?" Adam said breathlessly, his lips soft against Kris' cheek. Kris could only moan urgently, rocking his hips and feeling every rough jerk of Adam's fist. Adam's mouth brushed over Kris' face as he let out low groans of pleasure. His hand was moving much faster, and Kris was so close he was shaking.

Adam made a beautiful sound that reminded Kris' of his singing. His hand squeezed down on them both, and Kris watched as his slender hips jerked, and hot cum landed on his stomach and oozed over his cock.

Kris' eyes screwed themselves shut and then he was coming, too. His fingernails dug into Adam's skin and he breathed in desperate moans, feeling Adam's mouth on his neck. He panted into Adam's warm shoulder as his body came down slowly. Sweat trickled down his forehead, tickling him.

He'd never felt so connected to Adam as he did when their eyes met again; they stared into each other, dazed and content, as their warm, damp bodies stuck together. He could feel Adam's heartbeat. He didn't realize his eyes had slid closed until he heard Adam say, "Wanna sleep in here?"

His eyes opened, and he moved the sheets from under them. "Obviously."

Adam laughed, loud and giddy. It was so great to hear, Kris loved it when Adam laughed.

"Wanna get cleaned up first?" Adam asked, still chuckling.

"Oh," he said, blinking slowly. Right. He was still a sticky mess. His head was spinning.

Adam kissed his forehead and said, "Hold on a second." Kris was happy to oblige, as long as he didn't have to move. A towel soon landed on his stomach, Adam had thrown it over to him, and Kris lazily wiped himself off and tossed the towel on the floor, along with all of their discarded clothes. He climbed under Adam's sheets, comfortable and happier than a little kid on fucking Christmas.

Adam soon slid into the bed, too, and Kris settled himself right up against his chest. Adam whispered, "Night, baby," into his hair, sliding an arm over him.

Falling asleep in Adam's arms was one of Kris' favorite experiences on _Idol_ so far, definitely.

* * *

So I've been listening to some Incubus music lately. Anyone who likes Incubus will probably figure the title out. xD I thought the song fit sort of well, and yeah.

I love all reviews. xoxo


	11. Feeling Good

The idols were usually able to take it easy on the weekend, but not this week. The finale was in three days, and Adam and Kris were on the go constantly. Kris didn't care much about the finale anymore; he would have much preferred to just spend the day in Adam's bed. The last few days, no, the last few _months_ had been exhausting, and it was really catching up with him. Adam was excited about the finale, though, and his energy made the planning a lot more fun.

They spent most of the morning rehearsing, sometimes together, always exchanging glances every chance they could. It was so much fun, and Kris couldn't keep the smile off his face. Everything was the complete opposite that it had been yesterday. Kris' only problem was that he kept having to fight impulses to touch Adam more than necessary, more than a "good friend" would. It really sucked that they had to be so secretive, but Kris was much too happy about last night to even care at the moment.

The other 11 contestants that made up the top 13 were around, practicing all the group songs while Kris and Adam practiced their three songs for Tuesday's show. It was crazy how much the two of them had to do this week—sing three songs for Tuesday, while learning all of the other performances for Wednesday. Kris wanted to get his songs, "Ain't No Sunshine," "What's Going On," and "No Boundaries," all set before he focused too much on the overwhelming amount of stuff he needed to learn by Wednesday. There were going to be so many huge stars for the big finale—Cyndi Lauper, Queen Latifa, Steve Martin, Santana, Jason Mraz, Fergie… Kris couldn't even think of them all off the top of his head—and a lot of the contestants were singing duets with some of them.

Kris would be singing "Kiss A Girl" with Keith Urban, which was sort of amusing, but he was really looking forward to it nonetheless. And Adam would be singing with Kiss, which Kris still found unbelievable. Adam, of course, was most excited about finally being able to wear his platform boots on the Idol stage.

"Aren't Kris and I going to sing something together?" Adam asked a producer around lunchtime.

"Well," the producer started, looking tired, "We're waiting to hear back from Brian May to see if you two can sing 'We Are the Champions' with Queen."

Adam made a dry, choking noise, his bright eyes popping out of his head. "_Queen_?!"

"Awesome!" Kris yelled, happy for an excuse to throw his arm around Adam's body. He affectionately squeezed himself against Adam, and they held each other tight, swaying.

"It's not for certain, but it's looking good," the producer added. Adam was bouncing on his heels, creating friction between them. Kris made himself pull away.

"So, Queen," he said coolly, when the producer had walked off.

"I am… way too happy for words." Adam's smile was infectious.

----

The day wasn't moving fast enough. Kris remembered back when he'd just made the top 13, and the thing he most looked forward to during the day was eating dinner. Now he couldn't care less about food, or anything else really. He only looked forward to getting back to the mansion and spending more time with Adam, alone. Being around him all day and only being able to _look_ was becoming increasingly unbearable.

Adam giving him those looks wasn't helping either. The eye contact. Kris' heart ran wild when he looked into Adam's eyes. He spent a good portion of the day thinking about what they _could_ be doing if they weren't obligated to rehearse.

----

5 o'clock and, God dammit, Kris could swear Adam was doing it on purpose. Little touches. Every time Adam was near him, his fingers would lightly stroke his arm, or he would pat his shoulder, and it was always just enough to make Kris' skin tingle and drive him insane. At least Kris wasn't the only one; he could see that Adam looked a little tense, too.

"This is torture," he whispered to Adam when they were standing in the hallway, a good distance away from everyone else.

"I know," Adam said calmly, smirking a little.

Kris leaned over to him, and his lips brushed against Adam's ear. "Can't wait to get back," he said in a harsh whisper. Adam stiffened and bit the corner of his lower lip.

----

It was finally 7:30, and Kris was waiting for Adam in the van. He wished they could ride in a limo instead, even though it was a short trip back to the mansion, and it was only the two of them. The van was so—not private. The driver was nice, but he wouldn't stop talking—asking about how Kris' day went, how prepared he is so far, just everything Kris really didn't feel like discussing anymore. He just wanted Adam to hurry up so they could get back to the mansion and have the whole night for themselves.

When Adam finally came jogging out of the building, he was holding his cell phone up to his ear. Kris threw him a huge, enthusiastic smile, but Adam didn't seem to notice. He climbed into the van, still talking on the phone.

"I'm busy, you know I'm busy. What am I supposed to—" Adam argued in a low voice. "Drake, I'm sorry. The finale is coming up. I don't have free time." Kris' mood dropped at the sound of Drake's name. The driver cleared his throat, starting up the van.

"Another week, and I can probably do something. How's that sound? Ok, I'll—hey, I'll talk to you later," Adam said, talking quickly. "Bye." He flipped his phone closed and ran his hand through his hair, sighing. Kris wished he knew the other half of the conversation.

"What's wrong?" he asked, his voice close to monotone.

"He wants time with me but I don't have it," Adam said simply.

"You're gonna go out with him next week," Kris stated plainly, frowning.

"Yeah, maybe," Adam said, his voice a little dull. "It's not like I can just ignore him, Kris."

"You don't have to ignore him, just tell him—" Kris cut himself off as he caught the driver watching them in the rearview mirror. He leaned back into his seat and gave Adam an upset look.

They waited until they were back in the mansion to start talking again. Adam closed the door behind him, and Kris was looking up at him when he turned back around.

"Why don't you just tell him the truth?" Kris asked. "I thought you hated lying to people."

Adam looked upset. "I do. But I can't tell him. We can't tell anyone about this."

"You think Drake would tell someone?" Kris asked.

Adam shrugged, shaking his head. "I don't know, probably not. But I can't risk it. If this gets out, we'll both be done for." He looked down at Kris and asked, "Do you think you can keep quiet about it, too? I mean, we sort of _have_ to."

Kris nodded; he'd thought about it a lot before, he knew it would all have to be a big secret. Just between them. It would be difficult, but it also made it more personal and more intense.

Kris wrapped his arms around Adam, pulling him close. "Don't go out with Drake," he said calmly.

Adam sighed. "If I break up with him now, I'm sure he'll know." His hands were on Kris' shoulders, squeezing, and Kris asked him, "How can he know?"

"I used to talk about you… a lot. It was a joke between us. I would tell him about how cute I thought you were, and all the flirting we did together. I stopped telling him about it when it went farther than flirting… so he's been asking about it. I just laugh it off and tell him nothing's going on. What am I supposed to say?"

"Shit," Kris said, thinking.

"I can't just break up with him. He knows me _really_ well. He'll know there's definitely something happening."

Kris ducked his head into Adam's chest. "I see what you mean. Damn, you man-whore," he said, adding a laugh to lighten things up.

Adam laughed, too, and started walking down the hall, pulling Kris along with him. "I can't help it if all the boys want me," he teased.

"Don't forget all the girls," Kris said, laughing louder. Adam smiled and laced their fingers together, and Kris squeezed his hand against Adam's affectionately.

"We're _finally_ back," Kris sighed, still with a small smile on his face.

"Finally," Adam agreed, walking even faster. "Today took way too long. How am I supposed to focus all day knowing we're gonna have the house all to ourselves again tonight?"

Kris grinned, happy that Adam had been as excited as he was. They hurried back to Adam's room, their room, and Kris' hands were sliding under Adam's shirt as soon as they walked through the door.

"Want you so bad," he mumbled as they both stumbled over to the bed. Adam giggled and leaned down to kiss him lightly. Kris pulled Adam onto him, and softly gasped at the feeling of their bodies pressed together. He'd wanted this all day, and now he could finally have it. Kris let out a blissful moan when Adam moved against him, his mouth trailing over the skin on Kris' neck. Kris could feel the smile on his lips.

He pulled at Adam's jacket, managing to slide it off his shoulders. Adam took it off himself quickly, tossing it aside before pulling his shirt over his head, too. Kris stared up at him, watching, and it surprised him how much just the sight of Adam's freckled skin turned him on.

"Sexy," he murmured as Adam leaned back down over him. Adam laughed and hummed something that sounded like, "Yeah, sure," his hands already snapping open the buttons of Kris' plaid shirt. The air felt cold against Kris' chest as his shirt was pulled open, but then Adam's warm hands were on him again.

"Not like you," Adam whispered, his fingers tracing over defined muscles. The compliment flattered Kris, probably more than it should have, and he felt the need to return the favor.

"You're—" was all Kris could manage before Adam's tongue was in his mouth, silencing him. Adam was unbuckling his belt and he was dizzy with excitement. He wasn't sure he'd ever wanted Adam to touch him as badly as he did now. He was sweating already, so he slipped his arms out of his shirt, before leaning back onto his elbows.

"Yeah," he breathed as Adam's hand slid into his pants, much too slowly. He moved his hips to rub his cock against Adam's hand eagerly, and shuddered with pleasure when Adam's fingers finally curled around him. Adam stroked him slowly, pinning Kris down and digging his teeth into his neck, while Kris moved helplessly under him.

Then Adam's mouth left, and Kris opened his eyes to see him kneeling onto the floor. He was tugging at Kris' pants, trying to get them down further, so Kris pulled them down himself and quickly slid his legs out of them. As soon as he sat back down on the bed, Adam was holding his cock and bowing his head to run his tongue over it.

Kris took in a hiss of air as his head fell backwards, his eyes wide but looking at nothing. Adam quickly sucked Kris' cock into his mouth and pressed his tongue against the shaft, and the needy sound that slipped from Kris' throat was a little embarrassing. Adam moved expertly, wrapping his hand around the base and sucking, licking, moving fast. He twisted his lips around, moved his hand up and down, and the feeling was too much to handle. Kris couldn't even warn Adam when he was about to come, he just made a strangled sound and jerked his hips forward. Adam drank it all, licking his cock over a few times to get every drop, and Kris fell back against the bed completely, just breathing.

Adam crawled back up onto him and kissed his cheek. "You taste great, baby," he said huskily. Kris groaned in response, and Adam chuckled lightly. Kris pulled his face down and kissed him, slow and wet. Everything felt perfect. He moved his hands down Adam's smooth back, and slid his fingers under his tight black pants.

"Take these off," he said, smiling under Adam's mouth. Adam smirked, standing up slowly, and swayed his hips playfully as he pulled his pants off. Kris felt blessed, just being able to watch.

"Now what?" Adam asked, still smiling, as he leaned back over Kris' face, brushing their lips together gently. Kris gasped when he felt the hardness of Adam's cock rubbing against his ass. His heart rate picked up, and his mouth was getting really, really dry.

"What?" Adam sounded concerned. He'd probably seen the nervousness in Kris' expression.

"Do you… want to?" Kris asked tentatively. Adam flashed a huge, reassuring grin before leaning his head down.

"I don't want to do anything that you don't want to do," he whispered before kissing Kris deeply. Feeling a little relieved, Kris kissed back. He wasn't sure. Did he want to?

A quiet buzz suddenly broke the silence, and Kris' eyes snapped open in a surprise. His cell phone was ringing. Adam slid off of him and Kris got up to find his jeans on the floor. Slipping the phone out of the pocket, he looked at the caller I.D.

"It's Katy," he said, turning to glance at Adam. Should he answer it? How was he supposed to talk to his wife when he was with Adam, naked? Adam looked calm, but Kris was panicking. "What should I do?" he asked, his eyes wide.

"You can answer it," Adam said, sitting up on the bed.

"I'm naked," Kris argued, looking down at himself, then back over at Adam. The phone buzzed for the fifth time. Adam shrugged, and Kris let out a heavy breath before opening his phone.

"Hello?"

"Hey, baby," Katy greeted.

"Hi, Katy," he said, glancing at Adam again. He took a few steps and sat down on the bed. "What's up?"

"Well, you haven't called me in _days_," she said. She didn't sound upset, just curious.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's been so busy around here. You know…" he said, keeping his voice even. It was crazy that he was so uncomfortable talking to his own wife on the phone.

"Is everything okay?" She asked, sounding concerned. Kris' heart pounded.

"Yeah," he answered, trying hard to sound normal. "Everything's going okay. Why?"

"You sound different," she answered with a laugh.

"Oh," he said, relieved. "Sorry." He glanced at Adam again nervously, and Adam's warm hand was on his. He exhaled. "Yeah, I'm just a little stressed. There's a lot to do."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I wish I could help you."

"Yeah," he said, not knowing what else to say. "So what's going on with you?"

"Nothing really," she answered, bored. "I can't wait for you to get off that dumb show. Just another few days and we can finally see each other."

"Yeah, it's almost over," he said. He felt guilty for wishing the show would never end, only so he could stay with Adam, in this mansion forever.

"You gonna miss it there?" she asked.

"Yeah, I've really gotten used to it here. It'll be weird to go back to normal, you know?"

"Yeah, I know what you mean."

Kris sat, thinking. Being on American Idol had changed his life, it had changed him. Adam had been there with him, through the whole thing. They had experienced it together. Adam knew him, probably better than his wife did now. Funny how months on this show had changed nearly everything about his life and about him. But it felt like a positive change, something that was necessary. A step forward.

"Kris?"

"Oh—sorry," he said. Katy laughed, and he added, "I'm just tired."

"Should I let you get some rest?"

"Yeah, I'll talk to you later, okay?" he said, looking at Adam again. He looked bored, and Kris suddenly felt terrible.

"Okay, bye, hun. Good luck!"

"Thanks. Bye," he said hastily.

"Love you," she chimed.

"Love you, too," he said back as a reflex. He saw the change on Adam's face as he closed his phone. Squeezing Adam's hand, he scooted closer.

"I'm sorry, Adam," he said, frowning as he leaned against him.

"For what? She's your wife," Adam said with a smile. Kris sat silently for a while, thinking of what to say. He wanted Adam to feel better about this; he wanted to tell him how important he was.

"If I had to choose between you and her," Kris said slowly, "I think I'd choose you." He was still as he waited for Adam to respond. He wasn't sure if that was something he should have told him.

"Kris," Adam said, his voice sounding off. He wrapped his arms around Kris' body, pressing them together. "You shouldn't say that."

"I feel really bad about it," Kris mumbled into Adam's neck. "But I can't help it." His hands ran up Adam's back, feeling his skin.

"Don't you love her?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, I do," Kris answered. "I've known her forever. But she's just something totally different from you…"

"You love me?"

"What?" The question caught Kris off guard.

"Well, you love your wife, but you said you would choose me over her, so…"

"Oh," Kris mumbled, embarrassed. He didn't move.

"Do you?" Adam chuckled, holding Kris in his arms and twisting around. Kris' face was still pressed against Adam's throat. He didn't know what to say. He knew the answer, but he wasn't sure if he wanted to admit it to Adam.

Suddenly Kris was pushed backwards, and he landed against the mattress with Adam hovering over him. Slowly pressing down onto him, Adam asked again, his voice heated and dangerous.

"Do you?"

Kris looked up at Adam's eyes, his breath shaky. He felt weak. "What if I do?"

"Answer me," Adam commanded, rolling his hips. Kris gasped and lifted his own hips, moaning as Adam moved against him again. He was extremely hard already.

"Screw you," Kris choked out, trying to catch his breath.

"Fine," Adam said with a smirk. "You can screw me."

Kris blinked, and Adam's mouth was against his cheek, planting hot kisses. Was he serious? Just the thought was making Kris' erection ache to be touched. He moaned and moved against Adam again, rubbing their cocks together.

"I'd like that," he whispered, his mouth close to Adam's ear. A moment went by before Adam turned his head to kiss him, and Kris wondered if it had even been a serious offer.

"Normally I don't take the bottom," Adam said quietly, pausing to kiss Kris' mouth again. "But with you I don't mind."

"Really?" Kris asked. His heart fluttered in his chest, and his skin tingled.

"If you want to," Adam said, looking Kris in the eye and smirking.

"Okay," Kris said, his breath coming quicker. Adam smiled playfully, and rolled off of Kris and onto his side. Kris turned toward him, thinking. He had no idea what to do.

"Is it…" he started to ask, but stopped when he realized how stupid it sounded. He climbed on top of Adam, rolling him onto his back and leaning down to kiss him.

"Is it what?" Adam asked between heavy breaths.

"Nevermind," Kris laughed. He could figure it out, he hoped. He slid his hands down Adam's sides, feeling him.

"Is it what?" Adam asked again, persistent.

"It's a dumb question." Kris' smile was sheepish.

"Just ask," Adam said, grabbing Kris by the hips and pulling him closer.

"I was gonna ask if it's like it is with a girl," Kris said, gasping as Adam rubbed against him eagerly.

"That's not a dumb question," Adam said seriously, and pulled Kris' face down to kiss him. "It isn't exactly like sex with women. Do you want me to tell you what to do?"

Kris nodded, thankful for the offer. Sitting up, Adam scanned around the room, like he was looking for something. Kris was pushed backwards a little, and he sat on Adam's thighs.

"What are you looking for?" he asked.

"Uhh, I have a bag… somewhere…" Adam trailed off, distracted. Kris looked at him, confused.

"You don't need a bag for this."

Adam laughed loudly. "No, but we need lube and condoms."

"Oh," Kris said, sliding off Adam's lap. "Okay." He felt clueless.

Adam soon found his bag under the bed, and pulled a small bottle and some condoms out, smiling happily at Kris.

"Uh, just out of curiosity," Kris said, smiling, "why do you keep lube and condoms in a bag under your bed?"

Adam's smile dimmed a little as he tossed the bag back on the floor. "Well, I expected to need them for Drake." Kris' mind numbed; he didn't want to think about Drake right now. He didn't want to picture Adam and Drake together like this.

Adam's hands squeezed Kris' shoulders, and he leaned in to kiss him. His tongue slid easily into Kris' mouth, and Kris almost immediately forgot why he was upset. He gently leaned Adam backwards to fall on top of him again, and broke the kiss, eyeing the bottle in Adam's hand curiously.

"So do I just…?" he trailed off, not even sure how to finish his sentence.

"Put this on your fingers," Adam instructed, filling him in. He handed the bottle over. Kris spread some lube over his index finger. He had an idea of what to do from here.

After his fingers were slick with lubricant, Kris leaned over Adam again and kissed him hungrily as his arm reached down Adam's body. His fingers soon slid between Adam's legs and found his warm hole, and he visibly shuddered just from the feeling of it under his fingertips. He hesitated a second before slipping a finger inside. Adam moaned, and pushed against it, sending it deeper.

"This is really fucking hot," he panted against Adam's lips.

Adam rocked his hips eagerly. "Come on," he breathed, his eyes squeezed shut. Kris was so turned on. Making Adam look like this just by putting a finger inside him was just… unbelievable. He pushed another finger inside and heard Adam's breath catch.

"Does that feel good?" he asked curiously, licking his lips.

"Yeah, it feels good, keep going," Adam said in between quick, shaky breaths. Kris slid in a third finger hesitantly.

"Am I doing this right?" he asked, moving his fingers around. Adam nodded, gasping at the sensation. Kris was completely fascinated; he wondered what Adam was feeling. It looked like it felt really good.

"Yeah, you're perfect," Adam said, still pushing himself onto Kris' fingers. "You can fuck me now, I'm all ready," he groaned in a low voice, looking up at Kris with half-lidded eyes.

Kris slowly pulled his fingers out, his heart racing at the thought of what was happening next. It was all so new and exciting. He reached over for a condom and hurriedly tore off the wrapper.

"Come on," Adam whined. Kris rolled the condom on and squirted a little more lube into his hand. He spread it over his cock and positioned himself between Adam's legs. Leaning down, he placed a few gentle kisses on Adam's open, panting mouth.

"You ready?" he asked in a breath.

"Fuck, Kris, just do it," Adam whined, his hands finding Kris' hips and directing them.

This part, Kris knew. He felt okay about this. He pushed into Adam slowly, breathing harshly as Adam squirmed under him, trying to push him deeper. "Do it," he repeated, sounding a little hysterical. Unable to hold back anymore, Kris pushed himself fully in, kissing Adam passionately and grabbing at his spiky, black hair. It was so tight. So much tighter than Katy, he couldn't help but think. Adam's breath was erratic.

"Does it hurt?" Kris asked, breathing heavily. "Are you okay?"

Adam nodded eagerly. "It's fine, go faster," he breathed between soft moans. Kris moved quicker, already feeling like he was on the edge.

"You feel fucking amazing," he panted, moving slowly in and out. He felt Adam's legs wrap around him, and he thrust harder, earning more quiet, steady moans from him. Adam's cock pressed against Kris' stomach, stiff and leaking, and Kris reached a hand down to wrap around it. He stroked Adam in time with his thrusts as Adam's hands clawed at his back.

"Yeah," Kris breathed, enjoying each sound that Adam was making, all because of him. Adam's loud breaths became more desperate, and Kris pumped him even faster, his mind overflowing from pleasure and lust. It was all building up, he was almost there.

Adam let out a loud cry as he suddenly came, his back arching and his fingernails digging into Kris' skin. Kris watched his face and felt Adam's cum, hot and wet between their bodies, and it was only a few more seconds before he was coming, too. Adam's hands were suddenly behind Kris' head, pulling his face down, and Adam kissed him roughly. Kris' arms gave out and he fell against Adam's chest. His hips moved forward once more as he floated down from his high. Adam kissed his shoulder as Kris lay on top of him, just trying to catch his breath.

"Was that good?" he asked, pulling out of Adam slowly and making him quietly gasp.

"That was great," Adam sighed, laying his head back as Kris pulled off the condom. Kris wrapped it carefully in a tissue and tossed it out before falling back onto Adam. "Did _you_ like it?" Adam asked him, rubbing his shoulder blade.

"Yeah," Kris groaned, biting into a spot on Adam's neck, just under his jaw line, that Adam always seemed to respond to. Adam swiftly sucked in a breath of air, arching his back slightly. "Did I hurt you at all?" he asked before placing a kiss where his teeth had just been.

"No, not at all," Adam said, stroking Kris' hair now. "It might be a little sore tomorrow, but…"

"Sorry," Kris mumbled, shutting his eyes.

"So how did it compare?" Adam asked after a few more seconds. "With women, I mean."

"Well, _woman_… I've only been with Katy," Kris said, ignoring the stab of guilt he felt at the mention of his wife. "But it was pretty good… really good. But I don't think it has anything to do with men or women. It's just you."

"Just me," Adam sang back. "The man you love."

"Don't tease me about that," Kris complained, embarrassed. He lifted himself off of Adam, purposely frowning.

"Aw, I'm sorry," Adam laughed, sitting up. "It's nothing you should be embarrassed about, though!"

"It sort of is," he mumbled. "And I really need a shower." He started to climb off the bed but Adam grabbed his wrist, stopping him.

"If you love someone, you shouldn't be afraid or ashamed of it," Adam said softly. "And I'm glad to know you love me, even if you haven't actually said it yet." He cracked a smile.

Kris didn't feel better about it. He felt exposed, vulnerable, now that Adam knew. Adam could completely break him now. Kris didn't know if Adam loved him back, and he was terrified to ask. Either way, it would change things. He wasn't sure if he'd even _want_ to know. Everything would be more pressured, now that the word "love" had been thrown in to the mix. As if the situation wasn't stressful enough already.

"What?" Adam asked, giving Kris' wrist a concerned squeeze. Kris didn't know what to tell him.

"Nothin'," he said, then looked up into Adam's eyes. "I need a shower, though." He was covered in sweat, and there was still a mess on his stomach.

"_We_ need a shower," Adam amended, giggling as he stood up and waited for Kris to come with him. Kris laughed and let Adam lead him to the bathroom.

"So was it hot when you walked in on me getting out of the shower the other day?" Adam asked, smiling as he remembered.

"It actually was," Kris answered. He was happy about how things had changed since then. "Too bad I couldn't do anything about it."

Adam turned on the shower, and spun back around to face Kris, grinning. "What would you have done?"

Kris grinned back at him. "I'll show you what," he responded and pulled Adam into the shower with him.

----

Later in the night, after both men had gotten out of the shower and gotten dressed, Kris flopped back onto Adam's bed. They had been talking for a while about Kris' upbringing; how people in the south were different and how they weren't different. Kris had gone on about how nice people were in his hometown.

"…I don't know very much about you," Kris said suddenly, in wonder. "That's not fair."

"What? How is it not fair?" Adam laughed. "I haven't hidden anything about me. What do you want to know?" He sat down on the bed and Kris pulled him closer, crumpling the sheets.

"I dunno. Tell me something I don't know about you."

"Umm…" Adam hummed in thought. He was quiet for a few seconds. "Well I'm sort of a control freak. I don't know if you knew that about me."

"You are?" Kris asked. Come to think of it, Adam always was in control in most situations.

"Yeah. I like to control things."

Kris nodded slowly. "I guess that makes sense. Tell me something else."

"If you tell me something," Adam retorted. He fell onto his back, sprawling out on the bed next to Kris. "What don't I know about you?"

"I don't know. I think I tell you just about everything," Kris said plainly.

"Well then tell me a secret," Adam said in a hushed voice, smiling. Kris thought for a good minute. Did he have a secret? Well, Adam was his secret, and always would be. Other than that…

"I can't think of anything."

"Come on," Adam encouraged him. "There must be something that you've never told anyone ever before."

"I'm bi," Kris said. "I've never told that to anyone."

"I already knew that," Adam complained. "You're boring."

"So it's a bad thing that I don't have secrets?" Kris adjusted himself so his head rested comfortably on Adam's shoulder.

"Everybody has at least one secret."

"What's yours?" Kris asked, stretching his neck to glance up at Adam's face.

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a secret anymore," Adam giggled.

"So you're trying to get me to confess my secret when you aren't even willing to tell me yours?"

"That's right."

"You're such a jerk," Kris mumbled, trailing his hand over Adam's chest absently. "Just tell me. I won't tell anyone."

"Okay, but you're gonna laugh at me," Adam said, making his voice higher pitched and whiny.

"I won't laugh," Kris promised.

"So do you know that guy… Kris Allen from American Idol?" Adam said, keeping his tone normal. Kris tried hard not to laugh.

"Yeah, what about him?"

"Well, I sort of have a huge fanboy crush on him," Adam confessed with a heavy sigh

"Are you serious? I had no idea," Kris joked. "Is he better looking than me?"

"Much. Sorry."

Kris slipped, and a snort of a laugh shook his body. "What's so great about this Kris Allen guy, anyway?" he asked, unable to stop smiling.

"I told you you would laugh," Adam said, smacking Kris lightly on the head. "Everything about Kris Allen is great! He's _so _cute."

"Cute? Really?"

"Yeah, he's totally my type. I could do dirty, dirty things to that boy."

Kris laughed again, more loudly this time. Adam's chest shook with a small chuckle, too. "Oh yeah?" Kris asked. "And that's your big secret?"

"Nope," Adam laughed.

"I see what you mean about being a control freak, now," Kris said, laughing even more and earning another gentle smack from Adam. Kris couldn't ever remember having such a good time with someone. He felt free and just blissful. He and Adam got along so well that it was even a little strange to think about, not that Kris minded at all. He loved Adam, and he loved every second they spent together.

But, it was hard to think about Drake and Katy and pretty much everything that would happen once he and Adam left the show. Just a few days. That's all they had.

"I'll tell you if you really want to know," Adam finally said. His voice immediately pulled Kris away from his thoughts.

"I really want to know," Kris urged, incredibly curious.

"I love you," Adam said easily, like it was an obvious fact. Like he was clueing Kris in on something he should have already known.

"Oh," Kris said slowly. His mouth was warm against Adam's shoulder. Adam laughed so hard that his whole body shook.

"_Oh_," he said, mocking Kris' voice, and laughed again. Kris was motionless, his head still tucked in Adam's shoulder.

"That's a good thing, I think," Adam said, still laughing, but not as loudly. "Are you alive?"

"Yeah," Kris said, his voice just above a whisper. Adam waited a few long seconds, waiting for Kris to say something else.

"Kris, are you upset?" Adam asked suddenly, surprised and concerned. He sat up in the bed, and Kris lifted his head.

"No, not at all," he said, sounding groggy. "Sorry. I just wasn't expecting to hear that."

"And why not?" Adam asked, sliding to lay back down next to Kris, facing him.

"I dunno," Kris said.

"You look like you're scared shitless," Adam pointed out, looking Kris in the eye carefully.

"Oh," Kris said, and adjusted his face. "Sorry." He was so overwhelmed that he actually didn't know how to express it. He was overjoyed to hear Adam say that he loved him, but still wondered if Adam was maybe only saying it because he felt pressured to. Adam was perfect, and it was just… hard for Kris to believe. At the same time, he felt hugely surprised by it all. If Adam really loved him, why hadn't he said anything sooner? Dozens of emotions ran through Kris' body, but he mostly felt intense joy and acceptance. He had no idea how to explain any of it.

Adam was searching for something in Kris' face, some sort of indication of why he was acting this way, but he couldn't find any. Carefully, he cupped Kris' face in his hands and brushed their lips together. Kris let out a warm breath against Adam's mouth, before leaning closer to kiss him back. The kiss was slow but passionate, and the two singers shut their eyes and communicated their feelings through their gently-moving tongues and lips. It was enough.

* * *

I was never a fan of buttsex (even though I love writing about gay guys... weird, I know) so I'm not sure if that part was any good. I had planned for a while for Kris to be on top the first time.. any thoughts on that?

I also have a lot of dialogue in here, just Kris and Adam talking and joking around. I don't plan any of this, really, it just happens, so I dunno if that was even interesting to read. It just flowed that way in my head. Ok so talk to me! Say something, say anything! :)


	12. Make the Most of It

This chapter ended up being mostly porn. How does this always happen...? Oh, well. :P

* * *

Kris woke up slowly, feeling snug and calm. The alarm clock was blaring, but he couldn't bring himself to move away from Adam's warm arms. Instead he scooted closer, his nose brushing against Adam's slow-moving chest. The alarm still hadn't woken Adam up.

Still half asleep, Kris decided that the most fun way to wake him up was to slide his hand down and over Adam's crotch. He was hard, and Kris was, too; morning wood was pretty much a sure thing since they'd slept almost pressed against each other. Adam groaned a little when Kris pressed his palm against him. The alarm still beeped , the repetitive sound drilling into Kris' head. He pushed against Adam's chest, rolling him onto his back, and climbed on top of him. Adam was stirring; he made a small sound and his eyelids were moving, and Kris grinded against him, pressing down hard and moving his hips slowly forward to drag his cock over Adam's.

Adam woke with a quiet gasp, and Kris pinned his arms to the bed, smiling. Adam laughed a little, Kris could barely hear it over the alarm.

"What're you doing?" Adam asked, his voice thick and dry from sleep.

"You weren't waking up," Kris said, still rubbing his cock against Adam's harshly. Adam hummed tiredly and lifted his arms to squeeze Kris' ass as he lifted his hips.

"Now I'm horny," Adam complained. "And why did you wake me up? You're supposed to shower first." He tossed his head to the side to look at the clock.

"I don't wanna leave you if I don't have to," Kris said, a little embarrassed at how needy he sounded. He leaned down to kiss Adam briefly and said, "Shower with me."

"Fine," Adam sighed, and tossed Kris off of him. He rolled over, stretching his arm out to slap the snooze button on the clock.

----

The day dragged by as Adam and Kris rehearsed their performances and prepared for the finale. They were so close to the end. No matter what would happen, Kris knew his life would be drastically different. He tried not to think about it; he didn't need to be stressing himself out over things that hadn't even happened yet.

It didn't help that Kris was having a hard time focusing. His mind kept traveling back to the night before. Sex with Adam had been incredible. Being in love with Adam was incredible. He was so, so thankful that he and Adam still had a few more nights to spend together. He wondered if he'd be able to be intimate with Katy again. She was still his wife, still sexy, still someone that Kris loved and adored. She just wasn't Adam. Kris wouldn't be able to make her as happy as she deserved to be now that he was in love with someone else.

But he couldn't just leave her out of nowhere. She would get suspicious if he did, and it wouldn't be long before she found out about what was going on, he knew. Would he really have to stay with her, just to keep the secret? Kris hadn't put much thought into how he would handle being with Katy again. He didn't regret being with Adam, but he would still feel intense guilt about it later on, for sure.

Through the day, between and during all the rehearsing, Kris' mind couldn't rest. It was exhausting.

----

"Your eyes look green," Kris commented when they got back to the mansion. Adam was wearing a shimmering light green shirt, and the color must have reflected into his eyes. "I didn't know they could change color."

"Happens sometimes," Adam said, his usual smile lighting up his face. "Yours change color, too,"

"Not really," Kris laughed. He couldn't stop smiling; now that they were finally back, sitting in their now shared room, Kris felt totally better. He pulled Adam's shirt up, and Adam lifted it over his head, smiling wider.

"They're still green," Kris said in amazement, leaning closer for a better look. Adam quickly cupped his face and kissed him, smooth and gentle. Kris' eyes fell closed, and the familiar sensation of arousal crawled on his skin. His hands slid slowly up Adam's sides.

"We only have a few more nights," Adam said when he pulled away, his voice a little heavy. He must have been thinking a lot about it, too.

"Yeah," Kris said, looking up at him. He didn't know what to say. He couldn't say that it would be okay after the show ended, because he honestly had no idea what would happen. All they could do for now was make the most of the time they had left together.

Adam seemed to be on the same page. His mouth was on Kris' again, moving more hungrily, intensely, and Kris hummed a surprised moan against his lips. He pushed Adam gently down onto the bed and leaned over him, his hand sliding impatiently down to rub Adam's hardening cock. Kris broke the kiss, only for a second, to fling his shirt off, and dropped his head down to crush their lips together again. Adam moaned and jerked his hips when one of Kris' teeth accidentally dug painfully into his lower lip, and Kris automatically pulled away to apologize, breathless.

"I don't mind," Adam answered simply, and Kris replayed in his head the sound that Adam had just made.

"Oh," he said, dizzy from all the intensity. So pain was a turn-on for Adam. The thought made Kris a little uneasy, but he leaned over to kiss Adam again, experimentally biting his lip.

Adam sucked in a shaky breath and pulled Kris closer to grind against him roughly. Kris rolled his hips a few times as he let his mouth travel down to Adam's neck. He bit him there, too, sucking a little.

"Don't leave any marks," Adam said suddenly, his hand now against Kris' hair.

"Oh, right," Kris said embarrassedly, lifting his head to look at where his mouth had just been. It was a little red, but it looked like it would fade. Kris collapsed onto Adam again, feeling like an idiot. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"That might be a little hard to explain," Adam said with a quiet laugh.

Kris sighed, hot against Adam's skin. "I'm so bad at this."

"No, you're not," Adam said seriously, his voice clear. Kris didn't say anything; he just kissed Adam softly on the neck a few more times, rocking against him a little.

"Why do you think that?" Adam asked after another few seconds.

"I dunno," Kris answered. "I don't know how to do anything good."

"You do things just fine," Adam said. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yeah, sure," Kris said, laughing. "Tell me I'm not the most inexperienced guy you've ever been with." He stopped moving against Adam, growing more self-conscious.

Adam had to think about it for a few seconds. "Well I guess you are," he said. "But you're not bad."

"But I'm not good."

"You're good at some things," Adam offered.

"You're good at _everything_," Kris mumbled, nuzzling against Adam's freckled shoulder. Adam smiled and wrapped his arms around Kris.

"Am I?" he asked, giggling.

"Um, yes," Kris answered. "And don't act like you don't know it."

"Well I guess I'll just teach you as much as I can, then," Adam said, his voice more heated. Kris shivered a little as Adam's fingers ran lightly along his back.

"Like what?" he asked, smiling.

"Anything you want," Adam said, licking his lips and running his fingers again over the smooth skin on Kris' back.

Kris wanted to please Adam the best that he could in the time they had left. "Okay," he said slowly. He was trying not to blush, but he still felt his face heat up as he said, "Can I suck you off?"

Adam rolled his hips up with a quiet groan. "Wow, Kris," he said in a shaky but amused voice. "So blunt."

"Can I?" Kris asked again, trying to hide his embarrassment.

"Please," Adam said with a smile. Kris sat up, licking his lips, and turned to unzip Adam's pants. Thankfully, Adam chose to wear normal-sized jeans today, so Kris didn't have to struggle to pull them down.

Adam lifted his hips eagerly and Kris slid his hand under his briefs, feeling along the length of his cock before pulling it out. Sitting up on his elbows, Adam hummed a quiet moan and watched Kris slowly stroke him, his thin fingers curling and squeezing. Kris glanced over at Adam, his expression unsure, and looked back down at his hand.

"Okay, tell me if I do this wrong or anything," Kris said slowly, lowering his body and leaning his head down.

"It's pretty hard to do it wrong," Adam said reassuringly. Kris exhaled, licked his lips, and slid his mouth over Adam's cock. Adam moaned, soft and needy, and Kris moved his head up and down slowly. He lifted his mouth off and ran his tongue over the shaft, wetting it, and wrapped his lips around it again. He was surprised to find that he liked the taste of it.

"Yeah," he heard Adam breathe. He moved faster, taking it as far into his mouth as he could, soon coating Adam's cock with saliva. He wrapped his hand around the base, moving it in time with his mouth, twisting a little. When he paused to breathe, still quickly stroking Adam with his hand, he glanced up.

"This good?" he asked, breathing heavy.

"Great," Adam said, his eyes half-lidded, and he lifted his hips.

More confident now, Kris ran his tongue over Adam's cock a few more times before taking it into his mouth again. He sucked on it, harder, and moved his head faster.

"Ahh, _fuck_," Adam moaned loudly, a little surprised. Kris smiled, which made sucking on Adam more difficult, when Adam's hand grabbed at a handful of his hair.

Remembering what felt good to him, Kris tried to take Adam a little deeper. He slid his mouth further, Adam's hand lightly guiding his head down, but gagged involuntarily when it came close to the back of his mouth. He lifted his head, trying to catch his breath.

"Sorry," he chocked out, and leaned back down to lick along the underside of Adam's cock.

"It's fine," Adam said. His voice sounded an octave higher. "Don't take it too deep."

Kris planted a wet, open-mouthed kiss on the side of Adam's shaft and hummed, "m-hm." He stretched his mouth open to take Adam in again, and placed his hands over Adam's hip bones. He could feel Adam's breathing change. He hollowed his cheeks to suck Adam tightly in his mouth and moved faster, really enjoying the taste and feel of Adam's cock on his tongue, despite the sore pain in his jaw from keeping his mouth open so wide.

Adam's hands gripped Kris' hair again, his breath more and more uneven. Kris moved as fast as he could, licking and sucking; he wanted to make Adam come. Adam made a strangled sound, and Kris felt his muscles tighten under his hands. Adam moaned louder, sounding beautiful, even though his breath was catching every few seconds and interrupting his song.

"Gonna come," Adam gasped, and flung his hands away from Kris' head. Kris didn't move his mouth off; he moved faster, gripping Adam's thighs for support. Adam thrust forward lightly as he let out another gorgeous sound, and Kris almost gagged on him again, but he didn't. A strong taste entered Kris' mouth, thick and salty, and Kris pushed it out quickly, reflexively. It dribbled down the length of Adam's cock, some spilling on his stomach, and Kris tried his best not to choke. He sucked it all out, squeezing and stroking the base of Adam's cock with his hand.

When Adam let out a satisfied "ah," Kris slipped his mouth off, and spit more cum onto Adam's stomach.

"Sorry. It tastes worse than I remember," he said between breaths, and Adam laughed, soft and airy.

"Didn't expect you to let me come in your mouth. You didn't have to do that," Adam said, and his head fell back onto a pillow. Kris took the opportunity to scrape as much cum off his tongue as he could, cringing at the taste.

"Did you like it?" he asked, crawling up to Adam's side.

"Good for your first time," Adam said, grinning. Kris leaned over to kiss him, letting his eyes fall shut. '_I love you_' floated through his head, and he smiled happily when Adam's mouth moved under his. He didn't need to say it.

He reached to grab tissues from the nightstand, and handed a few to Adam.

"Did it really taste that bad?" Adam asked, mopping some cum off his stomach with a tissue.

"Well, yeah."

Adam laughed, wiping his skin clean and tossing the dirty tissues into the trash. He looked over at Kris. "You'll learn to like it. It's an acquired taste." He laughed loudly, and Kris gave a confused smile, shaking his head.

He leaned over Adam to kiss him again, slowly. Adam's hand was already on Kris' chest, pinching a nipple. Kris twisted his fingers around Adam's hair, clenching a handful when Adam moved down to gently suck on it. He let Adam push him onto his back, and looked up into his bright, stunning eyes.

"What's gonna happen after the finale?" he asked quietly.

"Whatever you want to happen. It's up to you," Adam said carefully.

"What about the tour?"

"It's up to you," Adam repeated with a shrug and smile.

"What do you want to happen?"

"I want to fuck you in your bunk on the tour bus," Adam said, somehow making it sound sweet. Kris chuckled and kissed him, and Adam was suddenly stroking him through his pants.

"Yeah, right," Kris said, trying to sound smug. "Like that'll happen."

"Oh, it'll happen." Adam's hand slid under Kris' waistband and grabbed his cock, roughly stroking.

"First of all," Kris said, clearing his voice. It still sounded cracked. "There are gonna be five other guys on that bus." Adam's mouth was on Kris neck, kissing, and then biting. Kris moaned softly, moving against Adam and closing his eyes.

"Second of all?" Adam asked, moving his mouth to Kris' chest. Kris sucked in a breath of air when Adam's teeth scraped over his hardened nipple.

"Second of all," he continued. "_I _would be fucking _you_ in my bunk."

"Maybe," Adam said, his voice deeper, "maybe not." He flicked Kris' nipple with his tongue, earning a gasp, and kissed slowly down his stomach, still pumping his hand up and down Kris' cock.

Adam unzipped Kris' jeans slowly and pulled both his pants and boxers down his hips. Kris breath shook as he hurried to kick off his shoes so Adam could pull his pants off completely. Smiling, Adam leaned down and kissed Kris on his inner thigh, making him squirm. His cheek rubbed against Kris' cock lightly as he took his time, sliding his hands up and down Kris' hips and thighs. Kris whined, quiet but impatient, and Adam turned his head to plant a quick, dry kiss on his shaft.

"Spread your legs," Adam said, starting to pull Kris' thighs apart himself. Kris complied without a thought, shutting his eyes and waiting to feel Adam's mouth on his cock. He literally jumped in surprise when he felt a cool, wet finger press against his hole.

"What the fuck?" he gasped. He struggled to quickly sit up, giving Adam a horrified look. Adam smiled crooked, his bright teeth showing as he looked up at Kris.

"It's fine, baby," he said, licking his lips and leaning down to suddenly run his tongue up Kris' length. Kris groaned, letting himself fall back onto his elbows.

"Don't stick your fingers in there or anything," he said, a little scared.

"But you'll love it," Adam purred, his voice low and persuasive. "I promise."

"No," Kris said, shaking his head to emphasize. "And you can't promise something like that."

"I can, and I promise you it'll feel good."

"It's exit only," Kris said, trying to laugh a little. "Seriously, Adam."

Adam frowned and brought his head back down. Kris felt warm breath against his cock and exhaled slowly, shutting his eyes again. Adam's fingers were on Kris' ass cheek, rubbing softly and making Kris very uneasy. His tongue licked over the head of Kris' cock, smooth and warm, and Kris groaned quietly. He thought about the night before, when he had fingered Adam, and how Adam had responded to the feeling. It probably wouldn't feel the same for him, Kris thought; he couldn't imagine how it could feel _that_ good.

Adam's hand moved slowly, gradually, and his fingers were dangerously close to Kris' entrance. Then his mouth was around Kris' cock completely, and Kris forgot all about it. Pleasure seized his body, and he moaned as Adam mouth moved over him, up and down, sucking him deeper.

He was vaguely aware of Adam's fingers, now rubbing and circling lightly against his hole. He didn't notice when he spread his legs a little wider, moved a little closer to Adam's touch. It was too much; Kris squeezed his eyes shut, grabbing at Adam's hair.

Suddenly Adam's mouth slid carefully off of him, and Kris watched Adam put two fingers in his mouth.

"What're you-" was all he could manage before Adam swallowed him again. He moaned, rocking his hips a little, when Adam's wet fingers rubbed around his hole again, a little more insistently.

"Adam," he choked out. He had no idea what he was trying to say. His skin tingled pleasantly, and his head spun, and Adam's mouth felt amazingly good and the slight pressure against his hole made him want a little more, and he just said it again, pathetically, "_Adam_."

Adam's lips slid gently off of him. Adam hungrily licked over his cock again before asking, "What is it?" The pressure of Adam's wet fingers was still there, driving Kris insane with _need_, but he wasn't sure at all what it was that he needed. Kris just groaned in response, bucking his hips slightly, rubbing himself against Adam's fingers.

"You like this?" Adam said, rubbing a little harder, teasing him. Kris fell back against the pillows.

"Yeah," he said, frustrated.

"Do you want me to put them in?" Adam had the most persuasive voice, and it sounded to Kris like the best idea in the world.

"Yeah," he said again.

"Good," Adam said, and Kris only had a second to be terrified before Adam's finger slid inside of him. Kris' chest shook with uneven breaths as the shock wore off and the feeling quickly took him over. Adam's soon slipped in another finger, and Kris softly cried out, "Oh," as they spread him open. His breath came in gasps and moans.

Adam's tongue ran over his cock again, wetting it, and he took Kris into his mouth. Kris made an embarrassing sound, then another, as he rocked desperately against Adam's fingers and mouth. Adam's finger pressed a spot inside him that sent a sudden surge of intense pleasure through him, and Kris moaned, "ohmygod," louder than he ever had before. Adam pressed the spot again, more deliberately, and Kris couldn't think at all. His orgasm was building and each movement was bringing him closer, closer, even closer.

"Do you want one more?" Kris heard Adam ask. His heart jumped at the thought, and he urgently hissed, "_Yes_." Suddenly he was empty, as Adam retracted his fingers and slipped them into his mouth. He soon slid them right back in, and then, slowly, he added a third finger. Kris felt himself stretching, but it felt incredible.

"Ungh," he moaned, a little high-pitched, when Adam sucked his cock back into his mouth. It slid easily between Adam's wet lips, and Kris came in a matter of seconds, pushing against Adam's fingers, his body shaking and jerking involuntarily.

He heard Adam make a swallowing sound as he sucked it all out, moving his mouth hungrily.

"Fuck," Kris mumbled to himself. Adam licked Kris' cock clean before slowly pulling his fingers out. Kris opened his eyes, and his heart pounded in his chest. He was still panting when Adam crawled up to lay beside him.

"Good, right?" he said, and Kris heard his smile. But he had to agree because, Jesus fucking Christ, it had felt good. "Good," he said, trying not to give Adam too much satisfaction.

"You loved it," Adam stated happily. Kris nodded, smiling, and Adam chuckled and kissed him. "Gotta just trust me next time," he said, grinning.

----

Monday morning, and the first thing that ran through Kris' head when the alarm woke him was: _two days left._

He spent the first half-hour of his morning inside of Adam, thrusting and sweating, savoring every second, every sound that Adam made underneath him. He spent the rest of the morning glancing at Adam each chance he had, and knowing that yes, he was deeply and hopelessly in love with him. Somehow, he didn't mind as much anymore.

He watched Adam try on some clothes for the finale performances, loving the fact that he would look perfect no matter what outfit he ended up choosing. He tried on a few outfits, himself, and when Adam gave him a thumbs-up, he didn't bother worrying any more about it. Clothes were never his thing, anyway.

After their clothes were all picked out, they met with David Cook outside, and were surprised with two brand new Fords. Kris briefly wondered if anyone else on the planet could possibly be having as good of a day as he was. It felt like it was all too much to take in; he wasn't sure how to handle it. He didn't have much time to process it, though; right after receiving their cars, he and Adam were rushed back to rehearsals.

The focus now was on learning the songs and performances for Wednesday's show, the finale. Kris met up with the rest of the top 13 at the studio, and greeted them all with enthusiasm. Most of the girls, Alexis, Allison, Lil, and Megan, were squeezing Kris into tight hugs, asking him how he's been doing.

"How is it with just you and Adam in the house?" Allison asked, smiling. Kris couldn't look her in the eye; he was absolutely terrified that she'd catch a glimpse of the truth.

"It's really cool," he said, glancing around the room, eyes darting from person to person. "We missed all you guys," he added. "It's so empty there now."

"Aww," Megan cooed, and gave him another brief hug.

"Are you guys excited?" Anoop asked, addressing everyone. "This finale is gonna be awesome."

The group chattered about performances, celebrities, songs, and Kris looked over the sheet that outlined the schedule for Wednesday night. There was so much to cover, he was getting worn out just thinking about it.

"You tired?" Allison asked, walking over to look at him carefully.

"Yeah, I'm just fine," Kris answered, lifting his face into a smile. "A little tired, but I'm fine."

"You must be exhausted, huh?" she asked with concern.

"I'll be okay. Just a few more days and I can get some real sleep," he sighed, adding another smile to ease her worry. She smiled back, bright and full of life, and it was soothing.

"Adam!" someone yelled out. Kris started to turn towards the door, but was suddenly lifted up into the air, familiar arms wrapped around his chest.

"Woah!" he squeaked, swinging his legs around until they touched the ground again. A few people laughed, and Kris caught a glace of Danny's surprised expression.

"I take it you two are getting along great," Matt laughed. Kris turned to Adam, unable to keep the happy smile from creeping onto his lips, and nodded a little. He was glad that Adam wasn't afraid of acting affectionate, even with everyone else in the room.

"Where's my hug?" Allison complained, running into Adam's arms.

"Hey, Allie," Adam said, holding her tight and grinning. "Jeez, I missed you!" Allison giggled as Adam pulled away to kissed her on the cheek.

"So I guess you guys aren't getting all competitive about this after all," Anoop stated, his face questioning.

Adam walked around, greeting everyone with a hug. "Of course not!" he said happily. "Kris and I are both winners, no matter what happens." Kris nodded enthusiastically, adding a soft "yeah."

It wasn't long before most of them split up to practice their performances. Kris tried his best to cram as much into his head as he could, while still keeping tomorrow's three songs in mind as a priority. When it was finally time to eat dinner, Kris had time to sit and think, to try and organize the jumbled mess in his head. There was so much that he had to do, so many things he had to focus on, but he couldn't seem to keep his mind off of Adam. They had two nights, and that was it. I could very well be the last two nights they ever spend alone together. Kris couldn't stop obsessing over it.

He should be focusing on the music, planning a winning strategy maybe. Kris hardly thought about winning. He would not be at all ashamed to come second to Adam. In all honesty, Kris had made it farther than he ever thought was possible. He'd made it to the end, and that was more than good enough for him. Of course he'd still give it his all tomorrow; it's just the kind of guy he is. But when it came to winning, he had no doubt that Adam deserved it.

They went over the schedule for Wednesday's show a couple dozen more times, Kris was pretty sure he had it all down, and the idols all left the studio together. Kris and Adam received more loving hugs as everyone wished them good luck, and then left to go back to the mansion.

They climbed into the van and sat close together. Kris leaned his head on Adam's shoulder during the quiet drive, allowing himself to relax and unwind. As they arrived at the mansion, Adam's phone buzzed in his pocket. Kris blinked slowly, watching Adam slide the phone out and check the number. He glanced at Kris, brief and apologetic, before looking back at his phone. "Drake," he mumbled, and then picked it up.

"Hello?" Adam opened the van door and stepped out slowly. He turned, waiting for Kris to catch up with him, before walking to the entrance.

"Oh, really? Yeah, I miss you too, baby," Adam said. Kris flinched and looked up at Adam, watching him. Adam's arm snaked around his shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze.

"Let me know how that goes," Adam went on. "I hope you don't get too busy."

"Adam," Kris said plainly when they walked inside. Adam held up a finger. "Yeah, you should. Definitely." Kris slouched his shoulders, walking a little faster while thinking to himself. Why would Adam need to talk to Drake like that? He walked ahead as Adam continued his conversation.

"I know, me too," he heard Adam say as he opened the bedroom door. He sat on the edge of the bed, untying his shoes when Adam walked in after him, his phone still pressed to his ear.

"Come on, I know that. I have to go now, though." Kris fell over, letting his heavy head rest on the pillows, and let his eyes fall shut. He didn't have the energy to be getting worked up over this right now.

"Because I have some other stuff to do now. Sorry, I can talk to you about it later." Kris could hear Drake's muffled voice through the phone. It sounded like he was complaining, whining.

"A few days… Drake, you know I'm crazy busy with all this." Adam sighed in frustration, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling at one of his boots with his free hand. "Good, I'll talk to you then. Bye." He snapped the phone shut in his palm and slid it back into his pocket before pulling his boots off his feet.

"Sorry about that," he said, pushing his hair from his face and turning his head. Kris rolled over on his back, opening his eyes, and grunted in response. Adam leaned over to kiss Kris briefly, and then pulled back.

"You tired?" Adam asked. Kris grunted again, and Adam said, "Me, too."

Kris didn't want to have to ask, but the question wouldn't leave him alone. "Why did you call him 'baby'?"

Adam frowned as he slid his jacket off of his shoulders. "I don't know. I'm sorry," he said, sincere. Kris shut his eyes again as Adam laid himself down onto the bed. Scooting closer and putting a warm hand on Kris' shoulder, Adam asked, "You mad?"

Kris sighed. "Nah," he said tiredly, unmoving.

"You're mad," Adam said, pressing his lips briefly against the back of Kris' neck. "I'm sorry. It just slipped out."

Kris turned himself over, facing Adam but not looking at him, and mumbled, "Don't call him that anymore."

Adam chuckled lightly and then said, "Don't have sex with your wife anymore."

After a few seconds of stunned silence, Kris looked up and into Adam's eyes. Adam was frowning a little, and Kris looked down again suddenly when he felt his eyes watering. Pulling Kris closer, Adam rubbed his back and nuzzled against Kris' hair. He felt as Kris shook a little, and realized with surprise that Kris was silently crying.

"Kris," Adam breathed, shocked. "Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it." Kris shook his head, clinging to Adam's shirt, and Adam waited as Kris sniffed a few times to clear his nose.

"No," he said, a little out of breath. "Sorry. It's not that."

"What's wrong?" Adam asked, stretching his neck down to reach and kiss Kris on the forehead.

"It's stupid," Kris said, and attempted a laugh. "It just sucks that we have to leave."

"I know," Adam said softly, closing his eyes. They lay there for a few more seconds, and Kris wiped the wetness from his eyes as Adam added, "But you'll let me call you, right?"

"I'll be calling you every day," Kris said plainly. "And you'd better answer."

Adam laughed. "Of course."

"And don't act so interested in Drake," Kris said into Adam's shirt. He was silent for a few seconds as Adam laughed softly and then added, "Please."

"If he finds out, though…" Adam trailed off, thinking. Kris looked up at him, hopeful, and Adam smiled. "Alright, but I don't want Drake getting suspicious."

"I want you to break up with him," Kris said. "Tell him he's crazy if he thinks it's because of me. Tell him I'm married, and I'm not that kind of guy." Kris can't help but frown to himself, because as it turns out, he is that kind of guy. The kind of guy who has an affair, who doesn't love his wife enough to stop. As much as he hated that about himself, he'd have to come to terms with it or something, because there was just no way he could ever stop loving Adam.

"I don't know," Adam said. "If I start not being interested in Drake all of a sudden, and break up with him, he'd at least be suspicious. And if he ever found out, I can't say he wouldn't tell anyone about it. People _really _can't find out about this, you know that."

"I know," Kris said stubbornly. "But I really don't want you to… do anything with him. I don't want you to be with him."

"I want to be all yours," Adam said. "But this is risky. I'll see what I can do, but…"

"Thinking about him and you drives me crazy," Kris blurted out, suddenly desperate to convince Adam. "I really can't take it."

Low, almost under his breath, Adam said, "How do you think I feel about you being married?"

Kris' hands drifted to Adam's sides, stroking his skin. "I know."

"I'll do what I can," Adam said. "I promise." He pulled Kris up a little and they shared a long, slow kiss, easing the anxiety between them. Kris slipped his tongue into Adam's mouth, and suddenly all that mattered was that Adam was right here with him, now.

Breathing a little heavily as he pulled away, Kris smiled and asked, "Why are you so perfect?"

Adam grinned, and his hands slid easily down under Kris' pants to squeeze his ass. "Why are you so gorgeous?"

Kris was so grateful all of a sudden, as he looked into Adam's makeup-smeared eyes. "I love you," he sighed happily, only to feel himself blush immediately after hearing himself say it. Thankfully, Adam helped his embarrassment fade by kissing him lovingly, his thumb stroking Kris' cheek.

"That's good," Adam said, and then laughed a little. He moved to suck on Kris' ear, and Kris' pants were uncomfortably tight. His hands started to work on Adam's belt, and he soon pulled them down off Adam's hips. "Wanna fuck you," he said against Adam's cheek, his eyes closed.

"I would object," Adam said, a smile in his voice. "But I'll let you have your way this time. Don't want to do anything that could throw you off for the show tomorrow." He helped Kris pull his pants off, and kicked them off his legs.

"Pfft, sure," Kris laughed, tugging his own pants off before reaching over the edge of the bed to grab the small bottle of lube Adam kept there. He climbed on top of Adam eagerly as Adam flashed him a warm smile and said, "I love you, too."

"You better," Kris said, and kissed Adam hard. He spread the slick lubricant over his cock and pushed into Adam gently, wishing it could stay this way forever.

* * *

This one wasn't as long as the ones before it. I keep meaning to write the finale, but I had so much I wanted to squeeze in before that happened, so it all ended up being a chapter xD

Next chapter's the finale :) but not the end of the story, so don't worry.

If you like the story, you should add me on livejournal! I add anyone who asks OR just friend requests me.

You can only read my journal if your my friend so... if you have a LJ: go to mitaretai(dot)livejournal(dot)com! If you don't have a LJ, make one! It doesn't take long at all :)

The story's better on LJ because I have little pictures for each chapter. Hahaha yeah.. I dunno why. I just have pictures.

...

Tell me what you liked and/or didn't like in this chapter. :) As always, I'm requesting complete honesty. Love you guys, you're all awesome! See you next chapter~


	13. This Is It

_FINALLY_, right. It's been so long. Don't worry though, I won't give up on EG :P

Ok so I've had the title 'This Is It' in mind for the finale chapter for like ever. Now it just so happens that there's a huge Michael Jackson movie coming out with the same title. haha fml. But oh well I still like it.

I'm sorry... for all the waiting this chapter isn't super long :(

* * *

Kris watched as Adam painted his fingernails a shiny blue.

"So you're going with blue for the finale?" he asked.

"I'm tired of black." Adam said simply. Kris leaned against the wall, trying not to remember that it was almost over. He quietly hummed the beginning to "Ain't No Sunshine," as Adam finished and twisted the cap shut.

"Nervous?" Adam asked, catching him by surprise. He nodded a little, because yeah, he really was nervous as hell. Even though they'd already done a couple dozen shows, there was more pressure than ever to sing well tonight. He wasn't sure how well he would be able to cope if Adam wasn't here going through it with him.

Adam chuckled and threw an arm around Kris' shoulder, careful not to touch anything with his wet nails. "You're such a Gemini," he said, and leaned close to press his lips against Kris' jaw line.

"What does that mean?" Kris asked.

"Geminis tend to be nervous and sort of tense," Adam said. "But it'll all be fine, don't worry so much about it."

"And what about Aquarius?"

"What about them?" Adam asked, amused.

"Well you're an Aquarius, right? So what are they like?"

"Um," Adam started, thinking. "We're strong-willed."

"Of course you are," Kris laughed. "So you really think your astrology sign describes you?"

"Yeah," Adam said. "It fits me pretty much perfectly. Yours fits you well, too. You should look it up."

"Nah," Kris said, waving his hand dismissively. "I don't really believe in all that stuff." Adam shrugged.

"And I don't need to learn about my personality, anyway," Kris added. "I think I already know what I'm like."

Adam laughed, nodding slightly. "Suit yourself. It's pretty cool, though."

"I'm about to sing in front of millions of people. That gives me a pretty good reason to be nervous, right? I don't think I'm nervous because the stars are lining up a certain way or something like that."

"Fair enough," Adam said, smiling bright. "Let's just do our best to put on a good show for everyone. We're not competing, right?"

Kris nodded. "Most of the voters already have their minds made up, anyway." He knew there was little chance of him actually winning, but he'd never say so to Adam.

----

They spent most of the day rehearsing for tomorrow's show; there was so much more to do then. Adam was rehearsing with Kiss while Kris met with Keith Urban to practice their duet of "Kiss A Girl." He was a little star-struck at first, but he was mostly just amazed and grateful that he had the opportunity to perform with famous people.

Everything was always moving so fast, Kris didn't often have time to stop and look around lately. He sometimes thought about his life just a year ago. It was so different, everything had changed. It was a little scary. He hardly felt like the same person that he was back then; a newlywed student who had a passion for music. Now, on _Idol_, music was his entire life, and everything else seemed secondary.

And he was still nervous. Really nervous. About the show, about his life, his future, everything. He was finally adjusted to his new life on _Idol_ with Adam, and it was all being yanked out from underneath him now. Everything was uncertain after tonight; it would all go one way or another. He could win or lose; his relationship with Adam could continue or fade out. He didn't want to have to face all of the changes yet, he wasn't ready. He wanted to be sure of himself, but he wasn't sure of anything at all. The uncertainty was so uncomfortable he could barely stand it.

He and Adam met up with Brian May a little while later to practice "We Are the Champions." It was completely surreal when Kris walked in and saw him standing there, holding his guitar and smiling right at him. Adam was more excited than he was, though. "I'm such a huge fan," Adam started, walking towards him with wide eyes.

"Likewise," was all Brian May said, still with his friendly smile.

Adam swallowed and said, "Wow."

Rehearsing with Brian May and singing with Adam was way more exciting than Kris had thought it would be. He was actually a little upset when they had to leave. But at least he was feeling a lot better about performing now.

----

He looked over at Adam, about an hour before they'd be on stage, and wondered what he was feeling. His bright eyes were as cheerful as always, and Kris couldn't tell at all if there was anything underneath it. He was about to walk over to him when his cell phone vibrated in his pocket, just once; it was a text. He pulled his phone out and saw it was from Katy: "_Good luck baby!!_"

Kris sat back in his chair as his makeup artist started powdering his face. He typed back a quick reply, "_Thanks_," and tried to calm his nerves. He noticed Adam looking over at him and it was very easy for him to smile.

----

He and Adam stood on stage while Ryan enthusiastically explained to the audience what the show tonight would be like. Kris' thoughts were a jumbled mess again. "Kiss A Girl" was still playing in his head, and he couldn't seem to make it go away. The stage lights were bright and hot. He was sweating already and the show had barely started.

During the commercial, Adam called out "heads" while Ryan flipped a coin, and it landed on tails. Kris bit his lip for a second, but Adam gave him an indifferent look, so he shrugged and said "I'll go second." He preferred that Adam went first. Watching him didn't exactly make Kris feel more confident, but it at least got him in the right mindset to perform.

Adam singing "Mad World" was a little spooky. The fog and lights, and Adam's long trench coat. Kris was smiling huge the whole time. Adam's voice gave him chills.

The judges seemed to really like it. Simon thought it was too theatrical, and Kris couldn't not scoff to himself. It's _Adam_, what the hell had he been expecting?

Then they played Kris' clip and he walked on stage to sit at the piano. "Ain't No Sunshine" was his favorite song that he'd sang during the season, and it was nice and familiar. He was glad he'd decided to begin his set with it. When he started singing, he felt great. He knew exactly what he was doing here. He felt much more comfortable once the song ended. There was a rush of noise and applause, and he smiled. The judges loved it, and Simon said that Kris had won "round one."

Kris wasn't sure why he'd been so nervous about performing earlier. He loved singing and playing music, and he was great at it. He'd felt at home at the piano. Now he felt stupid for doubting himself so much.

The next songs he and Adam had to sing were the ones that Simon Fuller had chosen. Adam had on a nice light gray suit and a blue tie when he sang "A Change Is Gonna Come," and it was definitely one of his best performances yet. Kris had walked back stage for a minute to get ready while Adam was being judged, but he'd later heard that Paula said it was the best she'd ever heard him sing.

He grabbed his guitar and went on stage to play "What's Going On." It was easy enough now that the initial anxiety had faded. Everyone seemed to like it, but Simon and Randy thought it was too light for the finale show. Kris didn't mind at all, he was feeling great. Being on stage just filled him with energy. His smile didn't falter at all when Simon announced that Adam had undoubtedly won "round two."

As soon as the commercial break started, Kris looked around for Adam. He needed to be near him, just for a little while. Adam was looking for him, too, and grinned when they caught sight of each other. He leaned down and hugged Kris, warm and tight, happily whispering against his ear, "Great job."

"You too, man," Kris said back. The adrenaline of performing was still making his heart pound.

"No Boundaries" now, and anyone could tell Kara was ecstatic that they were about to sing her song. Kris had never been crazy about it, but at least it wasn't a _bad_ song. It related to his whole experience on _Idol_, sort of, but the line "You can go deeper" reminded him of something Adam had breathlessly whispered against his lips just last night. He'd just have to try not to think about that.

Adam sang it first. As he always tended to do, Kris watched Adam intently, his mouth slightly hanging open. Everything Adam did on stage was powerful. He did great, obviously, and the judges seemed to like it well enough. Simon commented, "I genuinely believe we have found a worldwide star in you," and Kris nodded to himself, agreeing whole-heartedly. Adam had fans all over the world already; he had been getting all sorts of fan mail from just about everywhere.

Somehow, Kris didn't really mind that Adam was such a hard act to follow. He was still pumped. He just tried to focus on doing his best, putting on a good show. It felt great when he could stand on the stage and just _sing_, as loud and hard as he wanted. The judges were a little more enthusiastic about his version; they thought it suited his voice better than Adam's, which gave Kris a confidence boost that he kind of needed. Just so he didn't feel _completely_ unworthy of standing in next to Adam Lambert in the final two.

It was a huge relief when the show _finally_ came to a close. A lot less to think about now that it was done and over with. Unfortunately, Kris couldn't run back to the comfort of his Idol mansion home like he really wanted to; he and Adam had interviews to go to now. So many interviews.

Kris hid his exhaustion and talked with all the reporters, mostly just repeating, "Yeah, we both did our best. We're not really competing." It irked him that nobody seemed to believe him.

He and Adam met up with Paula a little later, like they usually did right after a show, and she smiled up at them both, talking in strings of flattering compliments. Kris smiled and nodded along as she spoke, and Paula pulled them both into a hug.

"I love you," she said, sounding like a proud mother, and Kris smiled again as she kissed his cheek. Adam leaned over quickly and kissed him, too, right on his ear, and Kris froze. Hopefully there were no cameras around. He needed to remind Adam later that he needed to have a _little_ more restraint.

After about 20 more interviews, Kris was still thinking about it. He could still feel Adam's lips on his ear. Maybe it wasn't so bad; they were really good friends, after all. It could send a message to people that it's fine to be comfortable and have a good friendship with someone who's gay. After thinking it over a few times, he decided what the hell, if anyone cares that he and Adam care about each other then that's just their problem.

He soon ended up talking about Adam, a lot. And when he actually caught sight of Adam, he ran up and hugged him from behind.

"Ah!" Adam yelled happily. "I'm talking about you!"

"I'm talking about _you_!" Kris yelled back over the noise of the interviewers and cameras. Adam turned around and hugged him back, rocking them back and forth for a few seconds, but Kris could have stayed that way for much longer, just breathing in Adam's smell. He was feeling a little shy about being this way while they were surrounded by the media, but he knew most people wouldn't be seriously suspicious of anything.

"You tired?" Adam asked softly into his ear before pulling away to look at him, holding him by the shoulders.

"Yeah," Kris said, trying not to smile as hard as he was. "Are you?"

"Yeah," Adam said back, openly grinning. "I'm exhausted. Are you dizzy? Dizzy-tired?"

Even though Adam had said he was exhausted, he seemed really energetic, and Kris was feeding off of it. "I'm great," Kris answered as Adam started shaking him excitedly. Kris looked up at him and added, "You did great. Congratulations." Adam quickly pulled him forward for another tight hug.

A while later that night, Kris and Adam were standing at a microphone answering questions about songs and their experiences on the show. It was one of the last interviews, and Kris was thankful it was almost over. He was tired.

"Weren't you roommates?" one reporter questioned.

"Well," Kris began, looking over at Adam. "We've been roommates since… the top thirteen." Adam nodded along and agreed.

"Are you still sharing a room?" someone else asked.

"Not right now," Kris answered, unable to get the nervous smile off of his face.

"For the past month we've had our own space," Adam added.

"Who's sexier naked?" A young reporter yelled out suddenly. Kris inwardly panicked a little, but laughed at the question. He tried to clear his throat to answer, but just laughed again with a shrug, and rubbed his eyes. He didn't even know how to respond to that.

Adam stood calmly. "We don't get naked together, sorry," he answered, amused.

The reporters laughed loudly, and Kris calmed down the best that he could. "That would not be good," he added, feeling like he should verify Adam's statement.

----

Finally they were able to head back to the mansion. It would be their last night there, and Kris felt like he was drained of every ounce of his energy. He wanted to collapse on the bed and just _sleep_.

When they sat in the van, Adam was looking as tired as Kris felt. They dragged themselves into the mansion and down the halls into their bedroom. Kris fell onto the bed and hunched over, reaching to untie his shoes as Adam walked straight into the bathroom to wash his face. Kris pulled off his pants and crawled under the sheets. The sound of the water running could have easily put him to sleep.

"You tired?" Kris asked, even though the answer was obvious. He wasn't sure why he'd asked it; maybe to keep himself awake. His eyes kept closing without his consent.

"Yeah," Adam mumbled, wiping his face dry. He flicked the bathroom light off, and then the bedroom light. Kris listened as Adam made his way over to the bed, pulling off his clothes along the way. He slid in under the sheets, and Kris rolled onto his side to be closer to him.

"Wish I wasn't so tired," he muttered, and Adam hummed in response, sounding like he was sleeping already. Kris ran his fingertips over Adam's smooth, naked shoulder, and Adam moved clumsily closer and kissed him, moving his lips slowly.

Kris wished they had more time. There was so much he wanted to figure out with Adam. What would they do after tomorrow? Just go back to their lives as they were before? Kris wasn't sure if it was possible for him. He sighed tiredly moved his mouth over Adam's, just as slowly. Adam's lips were still on his when he drifted into much-needed sleep.

----

"This is it," Adam said softly. Kris opened his eyes and blinked slowly. The sun was shooting through the window, outlining the shape of Adam's head with a white glow. Adam was squinting tiredly, leaning over him, and Kris asked let himself wake up for a few more seconds before asking, "What time is it?"

"Seven," Adam mumbled, moving closer to press his lips against Kris' cheek.

"Shoot." They had to get up. Kris had meant to set the alarm earlier so that he and Adam could properly enjoy their last morning here.

"C'mon," Adam grunted, lifting himself up and stretching his arms. "We gotta get ready."

"I'm not ready to leave," Kris mumbled, and shut his eyes again. Was this really the last time they'd lay in bed together?

"I know," Adam sighed, falling back down onto his pillow.

Kris rolled over and threw an arm over Adam's body. "Let's meet somewhere," he started, watching Adam closely. "A few weeks from now. Like a hotel or something."

Adam's blue eyes were locked with his, and Kris swallowed nervously. "You know that won't work. What will you tell your wife?"

"Does it matter?" Kris argued. "I need to be able to see you." Adam clearly had no idea how addicted Kris had become. Didn't Adam want to see him too?

"Okay," Adam agreed, smiling. He looked glad. "We can figure something out."

Kris let out a relieved breath, and leaned closer to kiss him lovingly. Then he paused. "Do you want to?" he asked carefully.

"What?" Adam asked, confused. "Of course I do."

"Just wanted to make sure this isn't one-sided," Kris said, laughing lightly.

"Don't be stupid, you know I love you."

Kris' stomach fluttered at the words, and he kissed Adam again. "You, too."

"Now get up," Adam laughed, messing Kris' hair.

Kris climbed on top of him and sat on his stomach, leaning down over him to plant a wet kiss on the side of his neck. He moved his hips teasingly.

"Stop that," Adam laughed, and shoved him off. "Today is the biggest night of your life. Go get ready!" He climbed out of bed, pulling Kris along with him.

----

Rehearsals that day went just like they had every other day. Kris' heart rate couldn't seem to calm down, though. Everywhere he went and everything he did all day seemed to keep on reminding him, _this is it_. Most of his rehearsing was repetitive, but he put more into it now. It was his last day on _Idol_, he had to give it his all.

Everyone from the top 13 was there, walking around and chatting and singing. Some of the celebrity guests were around, too. Kris spotted Steve Martin walking by and considered getting his autograph. He didn't want it that bad, he decided. Out of all the musicians and singers here, the only autograph that he really cared enough to ask for was one from Brian May. Maybe he'd ask later.

Every single person that Kris had worked with during the season found him at some point during the day and wished him luck. The stylists made him try on all his outfits to make sure nothing was wrong. Kris had mostly given up on picking each and every set of clothes he'd wear. Was it possible to wear this many clothes all in one show? He checked his face over at least ten times to make sure he hadn't missed anything while shaving. Did his fingernails look okay?

Later, Adam was standing next to him as the show was about to start. Kris shut his eyes, thinking, _this is it_.

"Can you believe this?" Adam asked in an excited whisper.

Kris smiled and shook his head. "Oh, man."

"We're here. Right now. This is…" Adam trailed off and laughed quietly. They both knew there was no fitting way to finish that sentence.

"I'm trying to stay present. I want to be able to remember this later, you know?" Kris' thoughts were all spinning. He needed to focus now.

"Yeah," Adam said, and Kris looked up at him. His makeup looked good.

"You ready?" Adam asked, and something in his expression seemed off.

"Yeah, I think so."

"I wish I could kiss you," Adam said lowly, moving closer to bump their shoulders together. Kris cringed and shut his eyes. _This is it_.

When it was time to go on stage Kris could barely hear the cheering over the pounding in his ears; less like a _thud_ and more like an _explosion_ about three times each second. He could do this, he'd been doing it all season. He let his thoughts stop gathering up, and tried to just enjoy himself. None of this _really_ mattered.

There wasn't much of the finale that Kris could clearly recall, but "We Are the Champions" was something he'd never forget. The music and the stage, and the feeling that ran through his body as he sang. The sound of his own voice mixing with Adam's, and the way Adam was looking at him. It was a perfect moment, if one existed.

It was a little hard for Kris to push himself back into reality once the song was over. The results were going to be announced soon. The show would finally come to an end. _This is it_, Kris thought frantically. He didn't need to get worked up over the results; they didn't matter. But he was driving himself a little crazy wondering about it. What if Adam didn't win? What if Kris won, and Adam had to stand on the side of the stage, clapping politely? Nothing about that picture seemed right, and Kris knew things wouldn't turn out that way. But still.

He tucked himself under Adam's arm and they huddled close. The lights dimmed and Adam was squeezing his shoulder. It wouldn't matter, the results didn't matter. Kris watched Ryan's mouth as he spoke; he dragged out every syllable of every word.

"The winner… of _American Idol_ 2009 is…"

Everything was quiet.

_This is it, this is it_.

"Kris Allen!" Ryan yelled, and Kris thought, '_Oh_.'

The screams were so loud now Kris could hear his ear canals vibrating; it tickled. Was this really happening?

His face was pressed into Adam's jacket now, and Kris didn't really know what to do. He just smiled as Adam happily shook him, laughing. When Adam let him go he shook his head in disbelief. His eyes were practically bugging out of his head.

"Adam Lambert, ladies and gentlemen," Ryan announced, gesturing for Adam to leave the stage now. Adam was all smiles as he congratulated Kris proudly and waved to the audience. He should have won. He deserved it. Kris felt terrible.

"You have just won _American Idol_, bro," Ryan said into the microphone, his hand clutching Kris' shoulder. He could probably feel Kris shaking.

"Are you serious?" Kris yelled out over the noise, not knowing how to act. He didn't want to seem ungrateful, but…

"I'm serious," Ryan laughed. Kris took a step backwards and smiled, yelling out again, "Are you friggin' serious?"

Ryan was saying things like "the underdog" and "the dark horse," and Kris' mind was just everywhere. Where were his parents? Where was Katy? What will they think of all this?

"How does it feel?" Ryan asked, pointing his microphone at him.

"It feels good, man," Kris answered, holding up his own microphone, too, without thinking. "But, uh… Adam deserves this-"

"Kris!" Ryan yelled. "More enthusiasm! Please!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" Kris yelled back, tripping over all of his words. "I don't even know what to feel right now!" He felt like Adam should have still been standing next to him. He just _deserved_ it. Kris was happy about winning and everything, but he didn't like being singled out as "the winner." He was just as talented as everyone else who had made it far on the show. He just… he wasn't expecting this.

A woman walked up and handed Kris a huge trophy of a microphone. It was heavy. Katy and his parents were looking at him, clapping and smiling, and so was Adam.

* * *

Haha this was pretty boring, sorry. But now the show is finally out of the way, and we can get to the rest of tha story :) :) I promise it's good haha I have so many ideas.

blah blah blah... add me on livejournal... story may be deleted again on here...

You guys are all SOFUCKINGAWESOME. When I'm sad I think of you and it makes me feel better. True story. You guys make me feel so great.

So tell me what you think. Please! PLEASE. :D not expecting the best reviews for this one, but it's cool. Kind of uneventful since we all knew what happened during the finale. I guess it would have been intense for anyone who hadn't watched Idol ever before xD But anyway I LOVE any reviews.


	14. Choice

I take forever. Enjoy this chapter, I spent way too long on it haha.

* * *

"See you later" was the last thing Adam had said to Kris when they'd left. He'd hugged him, looked straight into his eyes and smiled wide; Kris remembered it clearly because it's pretty much all he'd thought about since. That was only four days ago.

He had stayed with Katy later that night, after the finale show. He was quickly reminded of all the things he loved about her; her smile, her voice, the softness of her body, the way she always understood him. Kris loved being with her. Still, something in his stomach felt raw and empty every time he kissed her.

He'd thought about Adam almost the entire time while they were having sex. It was supposed to be special. He hadn't seen Katy in so long, and he actually felt _guilty _about being intimate with her. Should he?

While he held her in his arms afterwards, it was familiar. He'd held her so many times before. But he couldn't not notice just how different she felt.

It had been four days since the finale, and Kris should have been using the time to relax. He _was_ relaxing, physically. But he felt restless; all he could think about was calling Adam. They'd only talked on the phone twice since they'd last seen each other, and Kris wanted to carefully plan the best time to call him today.

He held his iPhone in his hand, staring at it while he sat on the hotel bed. He could always text him, but there was really nothing he could think to say. Katy was shuffling around the room, picking clothes up off the floor and dropping them into a laundry basket.

She snapped her head up and said, "Hey." Her smile was stunningly beautiful.

"Sorry," Kris said, laughing once. "I'm out of it."

"I gotta get this laundry done," she said, bending down to gather more clothes and using a free hand to tuck her hair behind her ear. It had been a while since she was able to use her own washing machine. "Are you gonna stay here or what?"

"Yeah, I'll stay." Kris hated the deep feeling of relief that spread through him.

"Alright, order yourself some food 'cause I won't be back 'til later." She walked towards him with an adorable spring in her step, and Kris lifted his head as she came nearer. He stretched towards her and closed his eyes for the brief second that she leaned over and kissed his mouth. "See you later," he said.

Katy turned around, and made it halfway to the door before spinning to face him again. "You still love me?" she asked, using the tone of voice that Kris had always adored.

"Course I do," Kris said, looking confused.

She smiled, and Kris realized that she wasn't at all serious. "You've been actin' weird. Still just adjusting?"

"Yeah," Kris said in a laugh. Adjusting. That's what Kris had been telling her, it was his excuse for being distant. It wasn't a lie, of course; everything was so wildly regular now. He wasn't used to it.

"Okay," she said, turning again to walk to the door, carrying the basket of clothes. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Kris said as the door closed. His thumbs dialed Adam's number, and he lifted the phone to his ear so he could hear it ring.

"Hello?" Adam answered, a smile in his voice.

"Hey," Kris said.

Adam was quiet for a second, and Kris didn't really have anything to say. "What're you up to?" Adam asked. Kris could hear other people in the background.

"Nothing, I've just been waiting to call you."

"Oh," Adam laughed. "I'm hanging out with some friends. Hold on, I'll walk away for a minute."

Kris idly stared at his foot, twisting it back and forth, as he listened to the muffled voices through the phone grow quieter. "Okay, hi," Adam said after a few more seconds.

"Hi," Kris said, shutting his eyes. Adam's voice.

"How're you doing?" Adam asked, and it sounded like he was actually asking.

"Doing okay," Kris said. He didn't feel like trying to answer that honestly. "I miss the hell outta you."

"Katy's not around?" The smile in Adam's voice was gone.

"No, she's gone for a bit. Not like it matters. I'm allowed to miss you, aren't I?"

"Yeah," Adam said, and sighed. "Sorry. You know I feel bad."

"You shouldn't." Kris kicked off one of his shoes, and then the other. "Please don't. I'm the only one who should feel bad."

Adam was quiet for a minute, and Kris' eyes were starting to sting. "I miss you, too," Adam said eventually.

"I really love you," Kris said quietly. He was picturing Adam now, wondering how much makeup he had on, what shirt he was wearing. He blinked and a tear fell from his eye, landed on his shirt. He really hadn't planned on crying.

"How's Katy doing?" Adam asked. Kris took a few more seconds to gather himself.

"Good," He answered. "She has a crush on you, she told me," he added with a laugh, wiping his eyes dry.

"Oh," Adam said, jokingly interested. Kris laughed again.

There was another silence, and then Adam cleared his throat. "You know," he said, "it was so much easier to be with you at the mansion." His voice had dropped low, he was almost whispering. "I didn't have to think about your wife, or anything like that. But—"

"Adam—" Kris interrupted quickly. He didn't like where this was going.

"But now that we're back, like back in the _real world_, it's… I can just see how hard this will be. I don't want to hurt Katy."

"Please," Kris said. His entire phone was pressed hard against his cheek. He needed to _see_ Adam. "We should talk about it."

Adam took a breath and said, "Okay."

"In person, I mean. Please." Kris worked hard to keep the stress out of his voice.

"Okay," Adam said again, a little hesitantly.

"We'll go to a hotel, like we said—"

"What? Not a hotel. Are you even hearing me?"

"Where else are we gonna go? We need to be someplace private."

"… I don't know."

"When are you free?"

Adam laughed a little. "I don't know. We have that interview together in New York on Tuesday, so…"

Kris paused, thinking, and Adam asked, "What're you gonna tell her?"

"I don't know yet. Your flight's tomorrow, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Adam answered.

"Mine too. We can meet up after the interview on Tuesday, I guess." I didn't seem soon enough.

"Uh…" Adam said, thinking. "Yeah, that works."

"Cool."

"Okay then," Adam said, sounding like he was ready to hang up.

"Can you talk to me more? I'm sort of by myself for a while." Kris bit his lip; he hated sounding so needy.

Adam laughed lightly. "Okay, but not for much longer. I'm being a little rude to my friends."

"Who are they?" Kris asked, falling back onto the bed.

"Some people I used to go clubbing with. I haven't seen them in so long!"

"That's cool," Kris said. He missed Adam so much it kind of hurt.

"Oh, did you know our _moms_ have been talking? They're like best friends now," Adam said, laughing.

"Oh yeah, my mom told me that," Kris said, smiling a little. "I don't know whether that's cool or not. Kind of weird."

"I think it's cool. Your mom is the sweetest woman."

"She loves you," Kris laughed. "My entire family loves you."

Adam laughed. "Hey, everyone's drinking without me. I'm gonna get going. Sorry you're alone."

"S'alright. I'll watch TV and order room service," Kris said, bored. "Have fun."

"Bye!"

"Bye," Kris said. He kept his phone pressed against his ear and listened as Adam hung up.

About an hour later, when there was nothing good on TV and Kris had eaten about as much as he could, he looked at his phone again. "_Im bored. hows your party going,_" he texted to Adam, before putting his phone down next to him. He slid open the drawer of the bedside table and pulled out the Bible inside. He flipped through it a little, not really thinking about anything, when his phone buzzed. "_hey. Its going good. Havin fun_." Kris looked at the text and smiled. He replied with, "_Wish I had a party to go to. Boring here._"

He fell back onto the bed with a huff, wondering if it was over with Adam. It couldn't be over; not like this, not so soon. He would resort to _begging_ if he had to. He should write a song about it.

He'd been working on the album a little already; talking to producers, figuring out what direction he wanted to go in. He wasn't going to get much of a break from all this work, but he wasn't about to start complaining about it.

----

"I'm back," Katy sang as she opened the door.

"Hey," Kris said, flipping through channels. "How was laundry?"

"What kind of question is that? It was _laundry_," Katy laughed. Kris smiled and shrugged. "So what have you been up to?" she asked.

"This," Kris replied dully, gesturing to the TV. Katy laughed again and climbed onto the bed to sit next to him. He shifted to put his arm around her, enjoying her warmth, and she kissed the side of his neck. Kris had been with her for four full days, and he still couldn't shake away the memory of Adam's mouth every time Katy kissed him. He thought of Adam's assertive tongue… and those freckles on his lower lip.

Katy slowly climbed on top of him, kissing his lips, smooth and passionate. Kris slid his hands down her back, resting them on her hips as he moved against her; he was hard already.

Kris' phone had somehow slid next to him, almost underneath his side, and Kris jumped when it vibrated. Katy giggled against his neck. Kris tried to forget about it, but he couldn't just not check it.

"_Wish u were at this. Want you now_"

Almost gasping, Kris quickly closed the text and put his phone down. He was breathing heavier now, and Katy reached down to unbutton his jeans. _Oh God_. Something in Kris' chest rattled as he tried to just catch his breath. Why would Adam say that? This didn't feel right, and he was kind of freaking out.

"Baby," Katy laughed. "You okay?"

"Uhh, this is weird," Kris answered, gently moving her hand off of his crotch. "Sorry. Adam just texted me."

"Oh." She looked confused.

"Just… thinking about Adam during that… it was just weird."

Katy sat up, bursting with laughter. "What?" she asked, scrunching her face up.

Kris put his hand over his face. "I'm sorry, it's weird, I know. It just freaked me out a little bit."

"What did the text say?"

Kris paused. "Just asking me what I was up to."

She was still laughing. "Aww! He misses you!" Kris just shrugged. "You probly miss him too, huh? You guys are close," she added.

"Yeah, kinda." Kris didn't want to have this conversation with her. What if he said the wrong thing? What if his expression slipped and she saw the truth?

She leaned over him again, pressing her body against his. "Well, I don't mind if you think about Adam," she said her voice dropping to a lower pitch. "Adam's hot."

"Yeah, sure," Kris said, forcing a laugh. He wanted to text Adam back, but Katy's hand was down his pants again. She kissed him and he moaned gently into her mouth.

----

Kris got on a plane the next morning, heading to New York for the interview, and so did Adam. They'd see each other tomorrow, and Kris was really looking forward to it. Being around Adam was just _fun_. He really missed it.

About 20 minutes into the flight, Kris was bored. He must have looked at Adam's text at least 10 times since last night, and he couldn't stop wondering about it. Why did he actually feel hesitant about texting Adam back? They were in _love_, they could talk about anything together, right?

"_What was with the text last night_?" Kris typed out.

It took Adam only a few minutes to text back. "_sorry about that. Got a little drunk_."

Oh. Well that explained it. "_I liked it_," Kris texted back quickly.

"_you never responded back,_" Adam replied, just as quickly.

"_Sorry_," Kris typed out. He decided not to explain why he hadn't. "_so are you on the plane yet?_"

"_Yea i am. Should get there by 7. i dont like long flights_," Adam responded. They probably could just call each other. Why were they having this conversation through texting? Kris dialed Adam's number and leaned back in his seat.

"Hey," Adam answered, sounding glad that he'd called.

"Hey," Kris said back. He looked around to make sure nobody was walking around him and said, "So I can't wait to see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Adam said.

"So how was your night?" Kris asked.

"It was a lot of fun. I missed those guys," Adam said, and launched into a story.

They talked for a few hours, about nothing really; they joked about the flight attendants and the magazines that they flipped through, they argued about whether or not the clouds were thinner higher up in the sky—Kris was sure they were—and Adam talked a lot about all the clothes he'd bought since _Idol_ ended. Kris had no clue how he could shop that much in only four days.

It was all such a huge comfort for Kris. Talking and joking with Adam reminded him of all the conversations they'd had in their room at the _Idol_ mansion. That mansion had become home, and Kris was feeling a little unsteady without it now.

Plus, Adam was pretty much the only person he could talk to that wouldn't constantly ask him how it felt to be 'the American Idol.'

"Hey," Adam said eventually. "I'm pretty tired. I think I'll catch a nap before we get there."

Kris heard Adam's yawn, and it made him yawn, too. "Okay then. I'll talk to you later."

"Bye," Adam said happily.

"Have a good nap, bye," Kris said, and hung up. His head lolled over on his shoulder and he ended up falling asleep himself only a few minutes later.

----

Adam's text woke him up. He'd left his iPhone in his hand, and he felt the vibration of it shoot all the way up his arm. He felt like he'd been asleep for a while. The text said, "_We could meet up later today if you want to._"

Kris texted back immediately: "_Yeah!_" He sat for a few minutes, waking up and letting it sink in. He could see Adam _tonight_.

It took Adam a while to text him again. Kris kept looking down at his phone; there wasn't much else to do. Eventually, it buzzed again. "_can't believe im about to ask this. Should i get a hotel room?_" A surge of excitement rushed through him and he took a few steadying breaths.

"_Please do_," he replied, and sat happily.

But… wait. He quickly dialed Adam's number.

"I just remembered. My hotel room is already booked and everything. Yours probably is too, right?" he said as soon as Adam picked up.

"Yeah," Adam said amusedly. "We can cancel them, though."

"What hotel are you going to?"

"Um, I think it's Four Seasons."

Kris grinned. "Mine too."

Adam laughed. "Wow. Well that works then."

Kris could hardly sit still for the rest of his flight.

----

When he finally arrived at the hotel, he texted Adam again. "_Just got here. What room you in_"

Adam's reply was, "_not there yet. Plane just landed. But its rm 214._"

"_Txt when you get here_," Kris typed back quickly. He sat on the bed in his room and looked around. It looked almost exactly like his last hotel room, the one he'd shared with Katy. He opened the drawer of the bedside table and found a Bible inside. Again, he flipped through some of the pages, spotting some of the passages that he remembered reading years before.

He wasn't sure where he stood now, in God's eyes. It definitely wasn't right for him to cheat on his wife, but… he and Adam loved each other. It was difficult for Kris to see Adam as _wrong_, because everything about him felt so _right_. The feeling that washed over him every time he and Adam were together was so different—so much more _right_ than anything he'd ever felt. If God had put him and Adam on the planet together, and fate brought them both to _American Idol_, then He would be kind of a jerk to send Kris to Hell for falling for him. Kris didn't care much about homosexuality or whatever; he'd never seen anything wrong with it in the first place, and he couldn't help how he felt or who he felt it for. The fact of Kris' life was that there was no way he could stay away from Adam.

He closed the book and his phone buzzed. He opened it quickly, but saw it was from Katy. "_How was the plane? I miss you!_"

"_it was ok_," he texted back. "_Miss you too._" He kicked off his shoes and exhaled loudly. His life was such a mess.

After Adam still hadn't texted him a few minutes later, Kris stood up and walked over to the bathroom. It was small and clean. Kris had always loved hotel rooms for their neatness and simplicity; it was relaxing. He looked in the mirror and reflexively fixed his hair. Adam had mentioned once that he liked it when Kris' hair was spiky, and Kris remembered. After lifting a few choice strands, he cupped a hand over his mouth to smell his breath. He'd better brush his teeth.

As he walked out of the bathroom to get his toothbrush from his bag, his phone buzzed. It was a text, and it was from Adam. Kris smiled giddily to himself as he read it.

"_ok Im here. When u coming?_"

"_I could come now. That ok?_" he texted back.

He quickly grabbed his toothbrush from his bag and ran to the sink. His phone buzzed again while he was still brushing. He checked it anyway. "_yea thats ok,_" it said. Kris rinsed his mouth and spit into the sink before looking into the mirror a last time. He spiked his hair up again quickly, stuffed his room key in his pocket, and headed for the door.

Walking down the long hallway, Kris was getting kind of nervous. It had only been five days, but it felt much longer. He was used to always being around Adam. Still, he couldn't wait to see him.

It wasn't far from Kris' room, just a floor up. Kris found the door with the numbers '214' and knocked three times, lightly.

"Hey," Adam said, opening the door. His hair was hanging down in his face and Kris must have forgotten how gorgeous he was or something, because he was totally stunned by it.

"Hi," he said, like it was some emotional reunion. He stepped inside, his eyes never leaving Adam's face. Adam extended his arm to push the door closed with a click, and gently pulled Kris against his chest and held him there.

"Fuck, I missed you," Adam said in a dry laugh. Kris grinned against his shirt. The smell of Adam's body was bringing back a lot of intimate memories. Adam let him go, and Kris looked up with the urge to kiss him. He wasn't sure how Adam would feel about that, though.

'What the hell,' he decided, and put his hand on Adam's shoulder, slid it behind his neck. Adam felt tense. He looked down at Kris like he was about to say something, but Kris stood up on his toes and mumbled, "Kiss me." He felt like such a girl.

"We're here to talk, remember?" Adam said, but gave Kris a brief peck on this lips anyway, smiling. Kris wanted more, he tried to stretch up further, but Adam raised his chin and turned his head away.

"Yeah," Kris said, sighing in defeat. "So how come you decided to see me tonight?" he asked.

"Missed you," Adam said simply with a shrug. He took a few steps backwards and sat on the bed. Kris followed, sitting down next to him. He took hold of Adam's warm hand. "I'm glad you did," he said quietly.

"But I was serious last night," Adam said. The words came out in a monotone rush, like they were practiced. "Katy doesn't deserve this. We can't do this to her."

"We already have, though." Kris didn't like that he was arguing to continue cheating on her, but he couldn't live with the alternative. He stroked the back of Adam's hand with his thumb.

"Listen," Adam said seriously. "It'd be one thing if you didn't love her anymore, if you were willing to leave her. You're not, though. I don't think it's right."

"I know it's not, Adam, but," Kris eyes were tearing up already, "what else can I do?"

"You can choose," Adam said, looking straight down.

"I—" Kris started, blinking. He couldn't. He decided to use the only leverage he had. "Well, what about Drake?"

Adam's eyes shut. "At least I've chosen. I plan on leaving him, you know I do."

"Well you haven't," Kris said through gritted teeth, squeezing Adam's hand a little.

"But I will."

"So that makes it okay? If I tell you I plan on leaving Katy it'll be okay?"

"As long as you're not just stringing us both along here," Adam said. "If you make a choice, then yeah."

Kris' head fell into his hands. "It's hard," he said. Adam leaned closer, placing one hand on Kris' lower back and rubbing in circles.

"I don't know," Kris said quietly, shaking his head. "I just—I mean, I don't know."

"I don't like having to put you in this position, but," Adam's voice was close to Kris' ear as he spoke softly, "Katy doesn't deserve this."

"She doesn't," Kris agreed, his voice getting smaller and smaller. He could feel Adam's breath. "I don't like this."

"You can't just fuck me and go back to fucking her," Adam said calmly, controlling himself.

"I don't want to, but I can't—" Kris struggled for words. What was he even trying to say? "I can't just—"

"If you can't," Adam said slowly, "then there's nothing left for us to talk about."

Kris sat up, wondering if he really meant that. Adam pushed his hands against his thighs and exhaled as he stood up steadily, no expression. Kris watched him.

Adam stood for a few more seconds before gesturing towards the door. "You should go now," he said.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," Kris said, and he really meant it. He knew everything Adam was saying was right. Standing up, he muttered, "I'll see you tomorrow," and left the room.

"See you," Adam said back, and shut the door behind him. Kris started walking away, thinking the conversation over. What was wrong with him? It should be simple; he should be able to at least decide. Not easy, but at least simple, right? He felt like there were a million reasons why he couldn't just decide, only he couldn't think of any of them. He was being such an idiot.

When he was back at his room, he climbed into bed. He was disappointed; he'd hoped that he and Adam would have been spending the night together. It was a stupid thing to hope for, though.

How many times had he texted Adam today? Well, one more couldn't hurt. "_I'm sorry,_" he typed carefully. "_You don't deserve this either. I can decide._"

He already had decided. It was hardly even a decision, it was just _Adam_. He couldn't have expected that he could stay with both of them. _Of course_ it wasn't okay, being with two different people and stringing them both along, like Adam said. He _did_ have to choose; nobody should be able to live this way. What would he say to Katy? Breaking up with her—divorcing her—would be horrible. It would hurt her, _Kris_ would hurt her, and she really didn't deserve it. But cheating on her would only be worse. Staying with her would only continue to complicate things, and it would hold both of them back.

Kris' phone was still in his palm when Adam texted back. "_Thank u._"

"_I'll leave Katy_," Kris replied. "_I love you Adam._"

The text was corny, but he hoped Adam could forgive him. He was scared, though, about leaving Katy. Should he start planning it now? How the hell would he even do it? What kind of reason could he give her? He couldn't tell her the truth, could he?

His phone buzzed again. "_want 2 come back?_"

Kris didn't bother texting back, or putting on his shoes. He was back at Adam's door, knocking gently, within another minute. He was grateful that Adam was giving him another chance here.

Adam opened the door, looked at him for a second, and said, "Hey."

"I'm sorry," Kris started, walking in. "I'm stupid." Adam walked over to the bed and Kris followed.

"I know," Adam said, smiling. "I'm sorry I'm making you choose." He turned and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Don't be. I shouldn't be putting you through this." Kris ran a hand through his hair. "If being with you means I have to leave Katy, I'll do it." Adam watched him speak, looking apologetic.

"I can do it," Kris said with a quiet laugh, sitting down next to Adam and acting like it was nothing. He swallowed, and when Adam turned to face him he said, "So…"

Adam leaned forward, brushing his lips lightly against Kris' cheek. "I love you," he mumbled. Kris flushed and shut his eyes, breathing slowly. "I missed you," he whispered against Adam's lips before kissing them.

Adam's mouth moved against his and Kris realized, this was it. The connection that he'd never felt with Katy. Kris felt so much more like himself. The _real_ him, not the Kris that's feeding lies to everyone around him so that he can maintain a life that he doesn't even want. Not the Kris that's always trying to please everyone else, always holding a forced smile. This, right now, this was _him_.

"Baby," Adam mumbled, pushing him backwards. Kris cooperated, leaning back until Adam had him pinned down and kissed him more forcefully. Kris' skin ignited; he'd almost forgotten the hot chill than ran through him when he was this turned on. And although he wouldn't ever admit to it, he _loved_ when Adam called him 'baby.'

Adam's cool fingers slipped under Kris' shirt, and Kris actually whimpered a little when they gently rubbed his nipple. Breathless already, he pulled his shirt over his head and arched his body so it fit against Adam's.

How much sex had he had with Katy these past few days? And Kris was still eager for it, just _dying_ for Adam to touch him. It wasn't even _really_ about the sex, Kris decided. It was about being with Adam, having _Adam's_ hands on him. He moaned when Adam grinded against him lightly, sending a static wave of pleasure through him and only making him crave more.

"Take off your shirt," he mumbled hurriedly to Adam, frustrated that they still had their clothes on. His hands were on Adam's belt. It was a new one, and he couldn't figure out how to loosen it.

"What?" Adam laughed when Kris groaned loudly.

"Where the fuck did you get this belt? It's got like three different buckles," Kris complained, still breathing heavy.

"What, you don't like it?" Adam teased. "Come on, it was expensive!"

"I don't care," Kris said in a half laugh, half yell. "Take it _off_."

Adam chuckled loudly and pulled off his shirt. He kneeled on the bed and fiddled with his belt, and Kris slipped his own pants off in a few seconds, and then his boxers. "Come on," he said, under his breath. Adam was pulling at the belt in every direction, slipping it through different buckles and loops, and Kris really wondered how the hell he got it on in the first place.

"Don't ever wear that belt again," he said seriously when Adam finally got it loose.

"No promises," Adam said, smirking as he slid his pants down his hips and kicked them off.

Adam started to lean down over him again, but Kris pulled him close and rolled them over, enjoying the startled sound that Adam made as his head fell against the pillow. Adam's dark hair was all in his face, his mouth was slightly gaping, and it stole the breath right out of Kris' throat. He kissed Adam, licking around inside his mouth, and then bit down on his lip. Adam gasped, then smiled.

Slowly, Kris' mouth moved away from Adam's and settled on his neck, right under his jaw. He kissed him there lightly before biting. Adam made a noise that sounded like he wanted more, so Kris bit him even harder, really hoping it wouldn't hurt him. Adam's hands grasped Kris' hips roughly as he pressed Kris' cock against his, rubbing against him shamelessly and breathing with stifled gasps.

Feeling more confident now, Kris slid down Adam's body, kissing his heaving chest. He was glad Adam was letting him do this; he hadn't realized how much he'd wanted to. His mouth closed around Adam's hard nipple and he flicked his tongue over it a few times, sucking. Teasingly, he scraped his teeth over it and heard Adam's breath catch a little. He reached down and grabbed Adam's cock suddenly, but he didn't move it much, and Adam bucked helplessly into his hand. Kris nibbled on his nipple before sliding down, keeping his mouth open against Adam's hot skin.

"Kris," Adam said between panting breaths. Kris wasn't sure if he was just saying his name or if he actually wanted something, but he decided not to answer. He licked the length of Adam's cock instead, wet and dirty.

"Wait," Adam gasped. Kris looked up.

"Uh," Adam said, shaky. "I don't want to come yet."

Kris grinned with pleasant surprise. "It's that good?"

"Shut up," Adam said, still flushed and trying to catch his breath. Kris couldn't stop smiling as Adam pulled him up.

"You're so damn cute," Adam said, flipping Kris onto his back and pinning him onto the bed.

"No, I'm not," Kris said, trying to frown. Adam smiled darkly and leaned down over him to lick along his neck. His fingers were trailing down Kris' chest, then lower, and Kris moaned as they wrapped around his cock.

"You like this?" Adam asked in a whisper against his ear.

Kris nodded, moving his hips. But then Adam's hand left, and Kris suddenly felt his fingers sliding into his open mouth, caressing his tongue. Kris sucked on them, licking and even biting a little, and Adam hummed happily.

"Good boy," he said, his lips still brushing against Kris' ear. Kris wondered if Adam was going to finger him again. He kind of really wanted him to, but it wasn't something he felt comfortable asking for. He made sure to get Adam's fingers good and wet. Adam kissed his cheek and slowly dragged his fingers back out of Kris' mouth.

"Spread your legs, Kris," Adam said. Kris' breathing sped up a little, and he spread his legs open, a little embarrassed.

"You want this, huh?" Adam said teasingly, leaning over Kris' face to see his expression. Kris' heart was beating even faster than before.

"Shut up," Kris breathed, and kissed him. Adam's wet fingers were cold as they spread him open, and one slipped inside.

Moaning, Kris rocked his hips against it. Adam soon slid in two more, moving them slowly and occasionally pressing into that certain spot that felt so _great_.

"Fuck me," Kris said, panting. He had been thinking about it—a lot, actually—and he was really ready for it. He lifted his head, stretching his neck to look at Adam, who had stopped moving.

"Okay," Adam said softly after a second. He kissed Kris long and hard, still twisting his fingers around and making Kris squirm. Kris gasped softly and felt suddenly empty when Adam slid them out to reach over the bed. He rummaged through his bag and pulled out what he needed.

"You want it, baby?" Adam asked, his voice rough. Kris nodded as he watched Adam slip a condom onto himself. Adam snapped open the small bottle of lube and coated his fingers.

"Say it," he breathed, slipping two fingers back in. Kris gasped, his body arching.

"Come on," Kris said. He couldn't even think straight. He needed to feel Adam inside of him.

"Just say it," Adam whined, lazily kissing all over Kris' face.

"I want it," Kris said clearly, in a '_get on with it, already_' tone.

Adam's fingers slid out again, and he spread some lube onto his cock before he positioned himself between Kris' legs, carefully watching Kris' face.

"Okay," Adam said as he pressed the head of his cock against Kris' hole, as if giving him a last chance to back out. There was no way in hell Kris was backing out now. He couldn't think of anything except how badly he wanted this.

Adam pushed in slowly, stretching Kris open. Kris kept his eyes closed, breathing heavy and against Adam's face. It felt weird and a little unpleasant. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Okay?" Adam asked when he was all the way in. Kris nodded, clenching his teeth as Adam pulled back and thrust into him again.

"Woah," Kris said as a surge of sensation ran through him. This was amazing. He pulled Adam's face down and kissed him as Adam rocked his hips back and forth, fucking him slowly. Kris' composure slipped a little more each second. His hands were soon on Adam's lower back, trying to push him in deeper as he uttered the first sounds of meaningless words that flowed in and out of his head. He was losing himself completely.

It just clicked; they clicked. There was no trace of doubt left anymore. He'd never felt this way with Katy, not even close. The scattered pieces of himself that he could never make any sense of were all fitting perfectly into place now.

Adam's mouth was warm and wet against his throat, giving Kris chills. He wanted to move, to do something besides just lay there, but he couldn't find the strength or even the will; Adam was hitting the right spot again and again, expertly. Adam made an "ah" sound and moved faster, biting into Kris' neck and sucking his skin.

"This good?" Adam asked, voice uneven.

"Yeah," Kris managed. It was hard to speak, or breathe, with Adam moving so fast. His mind wasn't working at all anymore. When Adam's hand wrapped around his cock, Kris came within seconds.

"God," Adam muttered, panting. He thrust hard into Kris a few more times before he was coming, too. He moved in deep, slowing thrusts, and eventually came to a stop.

Kris' head fell backwards and whacked against the headboard with a _thunk_. He couldn't seem to catch his breath.

"D'you like that?" Adam mumbled, collapsed on Kris' body now. Unsure of how he could express to Adam just how much he had liked it, Kris went with "Um, yeah." His brain was starting to work and, _ow_, his head really hurt.

"You…" Adam trailed off. Kris waited, but it didn't look like he was going to finish the sentence. Laughing, he pulled Adam's face up off his shoulder and kissed him gently.

"That was awesome," he said, and Adam made a content sound, lifting himself up.

"Be right back," Adam said, heading towards the bathroom. He threw Kris a towel, and Kris cleaned himself off, still dizzy. He needed a shower, but he had a hard time sitting up so he just gave up and closed his eyes.

Quietly, Adam slid into bed next to him. Kris suddenly thought about Katy, and his friends back home that he would keep this from, and all the other hundreds of reasons why this couldn't work. Except he _knew_ that it could. It had to. He opened his eyes again and smiled at Adam's cheerful face.

Kris tried to blank his mind out; for once he just wanted to stop thinking altogether. He wanted to enjoy this moment. Adam looked into his eyes, Kris looked back, and it was like they were speaking. It was one of those moments that just struck Kris. "_Unspoken, in silence,_" Kris thought. "_Let's stay here tonight_." The words gently entered his thoughts and settled into his head. He'd been griping for new song lyrics nonstop, and it sort of frustrated him how they come so easily when he isn't trying at all."_There's no reason to ask me, 'cause you know what's inside_." Kris smiled and pulled Adam closer to him, breathing slowly.

He didn't want his debut album to be full of songs about Adam, but he kind of _did_. He couldn't tell anyone about their relationship, but he could still try and channel this feeling and make it into a song, couldn't he? He sighed inwardly; he'd be spending a lot of time working on these songs.

----

Kris gasped aloud when he looked in the mirror the next morning. There was a hickey on his neck, red and dark and unmistakable. "Shit. Shit."

Adam was suddenly behind him. "I'm sorry. That was—I thought… well I _hoped_ that it'd be gone or at least faded but—fuck. I'm so sorry."

"Oh my god," Kris said in horror.

"You can—I have so much makeup, Kris. We can cover it up. No problem." Adam wasn't very convincing.

"We have a fucking interview today."

"I'm sorry," Adam pleaded. "I didn't even realize until after. We can still try—"

"I'm going back to Katy _tomorrow_."

Adam was quiet for a second, looking unsure. "You could tell her. If you think she can handle it, I mean. But—"

"I can't. If she tells _anyone_…" Kris swallowed.

"Do you think you could trust her?" Adam was looking at him with intensity.

"I'm not sure," Kris said honestly. He didn't want to consider it, it felt too soon. Adam sighed and picked up his bottle of foundation.

"Sit down for a minute. I'll cover it up," he said, and squirted a bit onto a brush he had handy. Kris sat, praying this would work.

"Is there any way to make it go away faster?" He asked as Adam began painting his neck.

"Ice helps, but that's about it," Adam said absently. Of course he'd know. "…Shit."

"What?" Kris asked, scared.

"Doesn't exactly match your skin tone." Adam was smearing it all over his neck now. "I'll blend it."

"Fuck," Kris moaned, putting his palms over his eyes. "I can't believe this is happening. How could you do that?"

"I'm trying to fix it!"

"This is so bad."

----

They were driven to the interview in separate cars. Kris had gone back to his hotel room earlier and found the only collared jacket that he'd packed, and the collar wasn't very high at all. There was a giant tan blotch on his neck, but Adam had assured him that nobody would notice. Kris really hoped so.

He and Adam greeted each other like they _hadn't_ just spent the night together, and Kris strategically took the seat to Adam's right for the interview. He turned his head from the camera just enough so that the hickey wouldn't be visible. Adam smiled knowingly but didn't say anything.

The interview was predictable, but still fun. Kris' head was turned toward Adam most of the time, so he really wasn't very worried about the hickey for the time being.

"So who will take the top bunk on the tour bus?" the interviewer asked, looking at Kris.

"Um, I don't care…" Kris said, shaking his head amusedly. "Uh, Adam—"

"I like the top," Adam stated plainly, and turned toward Kris with a daring smile. Kris pressed his lips together to avoid laughing. Of course Adam would slip a sex joke into the interview. Kris wasn't really bothered that Adam was being too open, it actually felt nice.

He suddenly decided to stop caring about little details that people may interpret, and just let go. Adam cracked up, and Kris did too, and they laughed together while the interviewer looked a little sickened.

"Sorry," Adam giggled. "That's inappropriate." The interviewer nodded and shrugged, and prepared the next question.

Kris wished he wouldn't apologize. "That was good," he said. Adam nudged him, and neither of them could stop laughing.

* * *

Hoorayyy omigoshh I updated.

So this story obviously isn't over yet. But I take FOREVER to update nowadays. I'm sorry you guys D:

So yeah the next update WILL be here... but it will most take me a whiiile. I'm very slow.

Also, I think this chapter may be the last NC-17 rated for a while. I'm getting kind of tired of writing sex. But you never know haha.

Anyway, tell me what you think! I put a lot into this chapter. So much plot going on right now.

Tell me stuff tell me stuff :) I like the good and the bad and the everything. Thanks so much for reading, you guys rock.

(blahblahlivejournal)


	15. Bring It Back

I'm not dead! And this is chapter number 15! Have fun :D

* * *

Kris' neck was numb already, but he planned to keep icing it for the entire plane ride anyway. This hickey _had_ to go away. The flight attendant, obviously looking for an excuse to talk to him, asked if he had a sore neck and Kris just mumbled, "yeah."

Deciding that he needed to just stop thinking about it, he pulled his iPhone from his pocket and opened the internet browser. After staring at his Google homepage for a few seconds, he typed his name in the search bar. Googling himself once in a while was fun, as long as he was careful not to let any of the bad stuff get to him.

The page loaded, displaying links to his different fansites. He clicked around a few of them for a while, not knowing if he was looking for anything in particular. Bored, he typed Adam's name in next, and soon came across videos from Adam's performances on YouTube. He clicked on "Ring of Fire," the one that had always stuck out in his mind. It started to load, but it was very slow. Kris drummed his fingers on his armrest; he was really starting to wish he'd brought his laptop with him.

He jumped a little when the phone suddenly vibrated in his hand.

"_hows ur neck?_" Adam's text said. Kris quickly replied, "_dont remind me._"

Wondering if there was any speculation about him and Adam, Kris switched back to the internet and closed the YouTube page. He typed "kris allen and adam lambert relationship," into Google and got a lot of results, some of them using the term "Kradam." Kris had heard the nickname before from fans, and a few times from interviewers, but he had no idea how popular it had become. He couldn't seem to find anything that questioned their friendship—other than some ridiculous news story about how he and Adam were in a fight—so he searched "kradam" instead.

Almost all of the results linked to pictures of him and Adam on the show, but with photoshopped hearts all around them or some strange, romantic caption. Not a good sign. Another ten minutes of searching the internet, and Kris was beginning to realize just how popular "Kradam" really was. Did Adam know about this?

He shifted the icepack on his neck, shivering a little, and dialed Adam's number.

"Hey," he said when Adam answered. "Have you heard of Kradam?"

Adam giggled. "Oh, man. Yeah, I have."

"I just googled it," Kris started. "Fans are crazy."

"Oh yeah? What kind of stuff did you find?" Adam asked. "Wait, I'll search it, I have my laptop."

"It's bigger than I thought it was," Kris said slowly, thinking. "I wanted to see what people thought about our relationship, but I don't really know what to make of this whole Kradam thing."

"Well I'm sure it's just one of those teenage girl… gay… fantasy things. I mean, if anyone took any of it seriously then we'd know about it."

"Yeah, you're probably right."

They talked for another few minutes, laughing as they discovered entire websites dedicated to their "bromance," before Adam clicked on a link and said "_woah_," a clear smile in his voice.

"What?" Kris asked.

"There's fan fiction about us. Like, dirty stories."

"…What? Are you serious?"

"Yeah," Adam laughed. "I'm reading it, oh my _God_."

"You're _reading_ it?" Kris asked in disbelief. He really didn't know what to think.

"Yeah, I am. It's weird…" Adam sounded pretty distracted.

"What's it about?" Kris asked after a few seconds of silence.

"Well, I think you're about to have phone sex with your wife, and I'm listening."

Kris stuttered a little, not sure how hell he could respond to that, and then asked, "Are you making this up?"

"No, I swear I'm not," Adam said with a laugh, still sounding distracted.

"Stop it!"

"I can't! You wouldn't believe how crazy it is to read a story about yourself…" There was another long pause as Kris tried to wrap his head around it.

"I don't really wanna read about myself having phone sex," Kris said eventually. This was so weird.

"Yeah… now I'm reading about myself beating off to you having phone sex. What. The. Fuck."

"What the... Adam, stop, _please_," Kris said. This had all suddenly turned from weird to unbelievable. "I really wish this conversation never happened."

Adam laughed again, cheerful. "Okay, calm down. I closed it."

Kris was seriously disturbed. "That's so freaky. I can't believe people write stuff like that about us."

"Whatever," Adam laughed. "It's weird, but it happens. That's what girls do, they just get, like, overexcited."

Kris' forehead was in his palm. "You don't think people are like… suspicious or anything, do you?"

"I wouldn't worry about it. Like I said, nobody probably takes it seriously. Nobody's gonna know… you know, as long as we're careful."

"Yeah," Kris sighed, feeling worn out and a little disgusted from all this. "Let's talk about something else."

Adam hummed, clearly still amused. "Um, how's your neck?"

Kris sighed again. "Really, really cold."

When he saw Katy again, the hickey hadn't faded very much. Adam had given him makeup to put on it though, and Kris covered it carefully. He didn't know how long he would wait to tell her, but he really didn't feel anywhere near ready yet. Thankfully, Katy didn't notice the mark.

Adam was going to break up with Drake soon, he said, so Kris had to come clean with Katy, too.

"_When you seeing Drake again?_" he texted to Adam. They texted each other all the time now. Kris really missed him.

"_Day after the shoot_," Adam texted back.

Adam was going to be on the cover of the next Rolling Stone issue, and was going to "come out" in his interview. Kris thought it was stupid that he had to officially announce something like that, but Adam didn't seem to care very much; he just loved doing things his own way.

Adam said that he had been acting distant towards Drake lately, so the break up probably wouldn't be too big of a shock for him. Kris couldn't stand the thought of Adam and Drake together, but he hardly had the right to say anything about it. At least Adam was finally going to break it off with him the day after the shoot, Kris assumed.

To be sure Kris texted, "_You gonna break up with him?_"

It didn't take long for Adam to reply, "_Yeah_."

Days were moving faster now. Kris was still adjusting to being off of the show, where each day had been jam-packed. He and Katy went back to their old house in Arkansas, which wasn't old at all, but to Kris it felt like his past. Why couldn't he just go back home and be happy like he was before? All he could think about was the _Idol_ tour, being with Adam again, having things the way they were before.

He spent a lot of time writing in his journal. As long as he'd been writing songs, Kris had always kept the journal to write about all the moments that struck him and all the things that inspired him. He spent a lot of his free time scribbling lines and lyrics all over the pages; it was extremely therapeutic.

Whenever he thought about Adam, he couldn't stop thinking up lyrics. There were so many deep, complicated feelings that Kris really wanted to sort through and put into words. He came up with a few good lines, and it felt nice.

He started having meetings with professional song writers, which was weird. He was grateful that he had help writing the songs, but he wasn't sure exactly what to do. He told them about a few of the song ideas he had already: some love songs, relationship songs, and a fun song that he already had a probable title for: "Can't Stay Away." From what he had written of it so far, it was 100% Adam-inspired. The writers that he worked with were great guys, and they were really encouraging when he showed them some of the words he'd already written for it.

"_I'm done trying to deny that without you I'll be alright_  
_You break me down every time you make a move  
Without a sound you just make me come unglued  
I don't know what you did to me, and I don't care what the doctors say  
Cause no matter what you do, I can't stay away from you_"

The writers helped him write some other verses, but kept suggesting that Kris add the world 'girl' to the song. It didn't fit with the way Kris thought about the song, so at first he just shook his head a little and said, "I don't know…" The writer's really knew what they were talking about, though. They were really convincing, and Kris soon changed one of the lines to "_Girl, you make me come unglued_" to better go with the flow of the song. Overall, he was happy with how it was coming along. Maybe it could be his first single.

On top of working on his new songs, Kris also had to choose what songs he'd sing on tour. He was sure about doing "Ain't No Sunshine," the song that he'd sung twice on _American Idol_, but he still needed to think more about the other songs. Adam told him that he'd be singing "Whole Lotta Love," "Mad World," and the Muse song "Supermassive Black Hole," which Kris hadn't heard before, but he thought it sounded pretty cool. Adam was thinking about doing a David Bowie medley, too. He pretty much had everything worked out, while Kris wasn't sure of anything, really. But all of them were going to get together soon for rehearsing. Kris was really looking forward to it.

He visited with some of his friends, but it was almost like they didn't know each other anymore. They mostly wanted to talk about _American Idol_, and Kris wished they could just hang out and goof around like they used to. They all treated him a little differently now, and it wasn't comfortable. So much had changed in the short year that he was involved with _Idol_, he wasn't sure that he would be able to put his old life back together. He briefly wondered if it was the same for Adam, but figured it probably wasn't; Adam and his friends had always acted like celebrities.

"_The shoot was so cool!!!_" Adam texted a few days later.

"_What kind of stuff did you say in the interview_?" Kris replied.

"_Haha. I kind of told them about the crush I had on u. Maybe a bad idea_."

Oh, great. This would only fuel all those internet teenagers who were writing about them. "_You dont need to be so open all the time_," he texted, a little frustrated.

Kris spent the next day anxiously waiting. Adam would probably text or call him once he broke up with Drake. Kris wanted so badly for Drake to just be out of the picture, he wanted Adam all for himself.

He was at a restaurant with Katy when he got the text. "_I broke up with Drake, but he knows about u. But dont worry_ :)"

Kris expected Adam's text would give him relief, but it didn't at all. What did that mean? "_Is he upset? What do you mean_"

Katy leaned over to look at his phone. "Who you texting?"

"I think Adam just broke up with his boyfriend. He's kind of telling me about it," Kris said, fidgety.

"You guys are so close," Katy said. "Is it bad? His boyfriend upset?"

"Not sure," Kris said, looking up at her and smiling. "Adam's on the market, maybe I can hook you up with a date now," he laughed. Katy giggled and said, "Something tells me he wouldn't be too interested."

Kris slid his iPhone into his pocket, and ignored it when it vibrated again. He didn't want Katy asking him what the text from Adam said. But it was hard; he was really, really curious.

He finally got a chance to look at it when Katy got up to use the bathroom, and all it said was, "_Call me when u can_."

Kris waited a couple minutes after Katy got back to the table before getting up, apologizing, and saying, "I've gotta use the bathroom now, be right back." He called Adam from the bathroom.

"Hey," Adam answered, sounding glad.

"Hi," Kris said. "So what happened with Drake?"

Adam sighed. "Okay. I sort of brought it up to him calmly, I told him that I don't think we're exactly right for each other, and he just nodded and seemed okay with it. So I was glad, but then he was like, 'So it's Kris, right?'" Kris took an unsteady breath, and Adam kept going. "I acted like I had no clue what he was talking about, but he wasn't buying it at all. He just kept saying, 'it's okay, I don't care, just be honest with me,' so of course that made me feel like a lying douchebag. Eventually, when I knew he wouldn't give up, I just told him. I'm sorry."

"…He's not upset though?"

"No, not at all. It's weird, he's just like, really happy for us. He thinks we're a good couple... Well, he thinks I'm a piece of shit for cheating, and he let me know it, but other than that he seemed just fine with it."

"For real? No way, that's just… it really happened like that?"

"Yeah," Adam said, "that was it."

"Do you think he'll tell anybody?"

"Oh yeah, I made him _promise_ me that he wouldn't tell _anyone_. I made a big thing about it, and he agreed, so he knows what a big deal this is. He was actually worried about us, like about people finding out and how it would totally explode if anyone knew. He said if we want him to help us then he will."

"Wow," Kris said, completely amazed. "He really is a nice guy."

"He's incredible. He's always been like this, I love him. He's just a really great person."

"Can you tell him I say thanks? And that I'm sorry."

"Okay," Adam said. "Oh, and he's really concerned about your wife too. I told him you planned on leaving her and everything, and he understood. He's really with us on this."

"Wow," Kris said again, trying not to think about a divorce right now. He and Katy were at _dinner_. "That's so great. Really, tell him thanks. I can't believe he's not mad at me."

"I will," Adam said, sounding pleased.

"I'm sort of in a bathroom right now," Kris laughed. "Katy's waiting for me, so I've gotta go."

"Oh," Adam laughed. "What a _great_ husband you are."

Kris sighed. "I'm so glad that this worked out with Drake. I'll talk to you later."

"Yep, bye."

Kris hung up and walked out of the bathroom, smiling apologetically when he got back to the table. "There were a lot of people in there. I didn't want to, like, take the spot between two of 'em."

"Ew," Katy said, laughing a little. "Yeah, Kris, we're at the table. It's fine."

The day that the Rolling Stone issue came out, before Kris even had a chance to buy one, Adam texted him : "_Im so embarassed_."

When Kris first saw the magazine for himself he forgot to breathe for a few seconds. Adam was laying on his back, one hand in his hair and the other above his head, and looking straight up towards the camera with the expression that Kris' hadn't really seen him use outside of their old bedroom on _American Idol_. And there was a snake just kind of slithering up to his crotch. Only Adam.

Kris carefully took the magazine off the rack and flipped through until he found Adam's article. He chuckled out loud at the huge, bolded title: WILD IDOL. He skimmed through, noticing that Adam talked about struggling with his self-image, drugs and losing his virginity. When he got to the part of the article where Adam talked about him, he read slowly.

--"_I was like, 'Oh, shit, they put me with the cute guy!'" he says. "Distracting! He's the one guy that I found attractive in the whole group on the show: nice, nonchalant, pretty and totally my type—except that he has a wife. I mean, he's open-minded and liberal, but he's definitely 100 percent straight."--_

Kris' first reaction was to be flattered by Adam's words, but his slightly stronger reaction was to be horrified. Why would Adam say that stuff in an _interview_? At least he managed to add at the end that Kris was married—and straight.

Adam almost never lied, Kris knew, unless it was to protect someone. The lie about Kris being "100 percent straight" sort of made up for how much Adam spilled, and Kris was glad for it. Adam probably got a little carried away in the interview after being so open about everything else.

After a minute of calming himself down, Kris decided to send Adam a reassuring text: "_Whatever man your just bein honest. Dont be embarrassed._"

When Kris brought the magazine home, Katy read Adam's article with him and giggled the entire time. "Adam is hilarious," she said between laughs. Kris' phone buzzed in his pocket and Katy said, "Is that him again?"

Kris smiled sheepishly and opened the text. "_Drake thinks he should be my fake bf now so theres no suspicion. Crazy?_"

"Yeah," Kris answered her, distracted.

"Jeez, you guys text nonstop! You must be, like, _really_ close. What do you talk about?"

Kris looked up, already having prepared an excuse. "We just miss being roommates. We used to talk all the time, just about everything. Now we still kind of do. He's telling me that him and his boyfriend might stay together."

"Oh," Katy said, looking back down at the article but still sounding interested. "What's happening with them?"

"They had a stupid fight, I guess." Kris shrugged. "_Kind of crazy," he texted back. "But it would work if he really wants to do that. What do you think?_"

Adam later texted, "_Just crazy enough to work!!!_"

Kris sat alone one night, after Katy had gone to bed, just thinking. He had his journal with him, hoping that maybe if he just sat and thought about everything then maybe some more lyrics would come to him. He started thinking about Katy. It almost hurt to be with her; their marriage—their entire relationship—had become a lie.

He hadn't even begun to plan out how he would break up with her. He didn't know _how_ to begin. Should he tell her about Adam? _Could _he? She would be devastated for sure, and no part of Kris wanted to put her through that. He needed to at some point, he knew, because he made a promise to Adam.

It would probably be best if he waited until after the _Idol_ tour was over. If he did it before, and the news about him and Adam somehow got out because of it, the tour happening at the same time would be a nightmare. He couldn't begin to think about it. _So, after the tour_, he decided, breathing easier. Adam may not be happy about it, but he would definitely understand.

Would he and Adam ever be able to stop hiding? Now that Drake knew and was so accepting of it, Kris felt so much better. The secret didn't belong to _only_ him and Adam now. Maybe if they found a few other people to trust, people that would help them like Drake was, life would be easier for them. But Katy would never be willing to do that, she would never be able to accept Kris and Adam if she found out what had been going on.

Kris hated that he had to think about all of this so much. He wished it could all be over with already, the sneaking around, the guilt, the… divorce. Kris _hated_ that word. He never wanted it to be a part of his life, but now it was right here, staring him in the face, threatening him. And Kris had no choice, he _had to_ face it. It was terrifying.

But if Kris wanted a full and happy life, he would need to actually work to achieve it. Everything he wanted wouldn't fall into his lap, and that was something he'd known well his entire life. He wanted Adam, and that meant that he needed to this. Time is precious, life is short, and he should be making the most of every minute he's got. Struck with a sudden inspiration, Kris opened his notebook and scribbled some thoughts about living to the fullest with the constraints of time; living like he was dying. He came up with some good lyrics, and knew this would be another song on his album.

It wasn't long before all of the top ten _American Idol_ contestants met up again to rehearse for the tour. Kris was ecstatic, he'd missed everyone so much; they were his family. He saw Adam for the first time in weeks, and even though they didn't have a minute alone, Kris hadn't had such a good time in a while.

If he could dream up the perfect life, it would be something like this. Hanging out with everyone and just singing and having a good time. Their rehearsal days were pretty frequent because the tour began in only a month. The only time they all rehearsed together was for "_Don't Stop Believing,_" the song they would be singing together at the end of each concert. Everyone practiced their own songs alone much of the time, all working hard to find good arrangements and plan their sets.

Usually, though, everyone was visiting each other, giving advice and feedback about their performances. Adam was _always_ dropping in on Kris. He would stand in the doorway and just watch as Kris sang, sometimes dancing around to the songs and being goofy. Kris had had to stop a few times because he was laughing so hard.

But sometimes Adam would sway his hips or chew on his lip as he watched Kris sing, just teasing him on purpose. That was the worst. He moved and rocked his body slowly, subtle enough that Kris probably wouldn't notice if he wasn't always watching so intently. They hadn't been alone together since the hotel, so it was really driving Kris crazy

When Kris was in the studio a few rehearsal days later with just Scott, Adam and the musicians, he and Adam kept exchanging brief looks. Eventually, Adam walked towards him, and the intensity of his stare made Kris still. Adam's eyes held him for a long moment, until he was close enough that he reached out and gently took hold of Kris' arm. Kris stood there stupidly, just looking up at him until Adam mouthed, "_let's go_."

Kris couldn't help his face lighting up as he nodded. He took a few steps away from Adam, holding up his arm to wave to everyone. "Well, I'm gonna get going now. See you later, you guys." The musicians waved goodbye as Scott cheerfully said, "Okay, see ya!"

"Me, too," Adam said after a second. "I'm really getting tired. Bye, everyone!"

They walked out of the studio together, and Kris let Adam lead him through the building. He wanted to ask where they were going, but he also kind of enjoyed the suspense, so he kept quiet. Adam didn't say anything either. The only noise for a while was their soft footsteps, until Adam stopped at a door, turning the knob, and it creaked open.

Kris looked around, making sure nobody would see them go in. What was this room anyway? They slipped inside, and Adam shut and locked the door behind them.

"A dressing room?" Kris laughed as Adam turned around, and suddenly Adam had him pinned against the wall. When Adam leaned over him, licking Kris' lips before kissing them, Kris got a head rush. He kissed back, feeling a little dizzy, but loving the taste of Adam's mouth.

"You," Adam said between kisses, "are such a little fucking tease." He leaned his body down lower, trailing his mouth over the side of Kris' neck.

"What?" Kris asked, out of breath.

"If you don't stop that, I'm gonna drag you away from your fucking piano next time," Adam growled, lightly biting. "Carry you to some broom closet."

As much as this was really starting to turn Kris on, he had no idea what Adam was talking about. "What did I do?"

Adam pressed his body hard against Kris' once, and pulled back. "You need to stop giving me those looks while you're singing," he said, letting his fingers lightly travel up Kris' side. "Seriously."

"I give you looks?" Kris asked, laughing. "Sorry, I don't… mean to?"

"Yeah, of course, you don't mean to," Adam said, sounding frustrated. "You have no idea—"

"_You're_ the one giving looks," Kris said, pulling Adam against him with force. "You come around to watch me sing and tease me on purpose!"

"Maybe so," Adam said amusedly, not bothering to deny it, "but the way you sing when you're looking at me like that… I really can't fucking take that."

"Oh, boo-hoo," Kris laughed, leaning up to kiss him. "It's not my fault you're horny all the time." He jumped as Adam's hand suddenly rubbed at the front of his jeans, applying warm pressure.

"Whatever, tease," Adam mumbled.

Kris let Adam fuck him in the dressing room, and even though his back was against the cold floor, it was still spectacular. Adam had to cover Kris' mouth with his own to keep him quiet.

Kris wanted to feel relieved afterwards, like he'd gotten it out of his system, but at this point he really wasn't sure that he ever would.

"Come watch me sing next time," Adam told him later. "You might see what I'm talking about."

When Kris did come to watch Adam rehearse, he showed up in the middle of "_Whole Lotta Love_." Adam smiled when he noticed him.

"_Way down inside_, _honey, you need it_," he sang, rocking his hips against the microphone stand a little. Only five seconds of watching him sing, and Kris _so _knew what Adam was talking about. For the rest of the song he didn't think of anything except the way Adam was moving, like he was putting on a show and Kris was the only one in the audience.

After watching Adam sing another song from his set, Kris knew he was hopelessly addicted to this. They couldn't openly stare at each other or anything, there _were_ other people and musicians around, but it was still so intense.

Then the they started playing a song that Kris didn't recognize. Adam tapped his foot to it and began singing, his beautiful voice toned with something a little deeper. It almost sounded sad.

"_Far away… this ship has taken me far away_," Adam sang. "_Far away from the memories of the people who care if I live or die. Starlight… I will be chasing your starlight, until the end of my life. I don't know if it's worth it anymore._"

Adam stole looks at Kris as he sang, like he always did, but his body language was so different than before. He still swayed with the music, but he was more controlled now. Adam mostly kept his head down as he sang, but when he did look up Kris could see how sad his eyes looked. Why hadn't he heard that Adam was doing this new song?

"_Hold you in my arms, I just wanted to hold you in my arms_," Adam cried, reaching an arm out. Kris really admired what a great performer Adam was, even when it was only a rehearsal. "_My life… you electrify my life. Let's conspire to reignite, all the souls that would die just to feel alive. I'll never let you go, if you promise not to fade away… never fade away._"

"'Starlight,'" Adam told Kris after the song was over. "It's by Muse."

"What happened to that black hole song that you were gonna do?" Kris asked. He was pretty sure that was the Muse song that Adam had set his heart on earlier.

"Changed my mind about it," Adam said simply. He paused before adding, "I just feel like I connect so much better with this one." Kris nodded, wondering why. He'd listen to the lyrics more closely next time, he decided.

Less than two weeks before the tour began, news of Michael Jackson's death spread through the rehearsal studio. Only a day later, interviewers were asking Kris about it. "He was such a huge influence on… I mean, _everyone_, probably, and now he's just gone. It doesn't feel real," Kris told them. Nothing felt real anymore, really. His whole life had turned upside down; nothing was the way it used to be, and there were few familiar things he could hold onto to keep himself grounded through it all.

But he had Adam. They were going through exactly the same thing, and it gave Kris so much comfort to know that Adam would be right there with him for the entire tour, along with all the other guys on the bus. He was pretty sure he'd lose his mind without them there.

The night before their first concert, they all climbed into a bus and headed to Oregon. Kris couldn't seem to calm himself down, but everyone seemed to be feeling the same way. They settled on the L-shaped sofa in the back of the bus, and Kris and Adam sat next to each other.

"Are you guys ready to be on this bus for two whole months?" Matt asked, laughing. Kris laughed along, and Anoop said, "This is gonna be one hell of a good time, I can tell."

Everyone was joking and laughing for the first hour or so of the trip. Kris leaned back against the couch and Adam moved a little closer to him, nudging his shoulder against Kris' neck. Kris let his head fall on it, and exhaled. When he opened his eyes, everyone—with the exception of Scott, of course—was looking at them. Not in a strange, 'what the hell are those two doing' kind of way, but just normally. Kris smiled tiredly at them; he should probably care more, but he didn't.

Anoop and Matt went back to their conversation, chuckling at one another. Danny was sitting on the other side of the L-shaped sofa, and he leaned forward, smiling at Kris and Adam. "You two have really gotten close."

"Yeah," Adam said happily, moving his shoulder and making Kris' head bounce. Kris was trying not to grin, but he couldn't help it.

"Aw, don't mind Danny, he's just _jealous_," Matt joked. Everyone laughed.

All of the guys went to bed eventually, hoping to get some sleep for the big day tomorrow. Like they'd joked in the interview a month earlier, Adam took the top bunk and Kris climbed into bed beneath him.

* * *

Squeezed a month into one chapter. :) But now that this is out of the way, time to write about the TOUR!!

So this update took like... 4 months. wow. Well, like I said, updates will be very slow.

There's all sorts of foreshadowing-type stuff all in this chapter, which I'm glad that I did. Because I had a flash drive with all my precious EG ideas that had accumulated over A YEAR, and IT BROKE. YEAH. Totally sucked. Thankfully I still had the draft to this chapter (Don't even want to think about what would've happened if I'd lost that too.) So yeah, foreshadowing = good so I won't forget where I'm going :P

Oh, and I'm not sure, but I estimate there will only be a few chapters after this one until the end of the story. Wow this thing's huge.

you all rock, thanks so much for the wonderfully nice reviews I've gotten. Always make my day, for real.

As always, please tell me what you liked and/or didn't like :)

(and add me on livejournal in case this story gets deleted on here again, which _is_ very possible. On LJ it's almost like a picture book! lolol)


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